You've given me No Choice
by Anyabella
Summary: On the run to protect those she loves. Bella finds herself facing a fiery redhead. Just when she knows it is over she is saved by unknown vampires with an even more unexpected tie to her life. When a turn of events forces her to face her past will she make the sacrifice to make her new family happy? ALTERNATE NEW MOON. It's been done, but please read. New Twists
1. Running

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight; all original characters and plot are hers. All poetry is the property of the original author. The rest is mine.

That one thing you can't choose,  
>That one thing you can't pick,<br>That one thing you can never lose,  
>That one thing, you can never trick,<p>

It's not your choice,  
>It's picked for you,<br>There's no dice,  
>It's not up to you,<p>

Jodie Louise Pollock

Prologue

Mom and Dad had gathered around looking for answers. I had backed myself into the wall in my panic. I was trying to find the words to calm them, to calm myself but before I could express anything we heard the quiet noise of fast approaching vampires. Mom and dad stood in front of me, trying to protect me from the incoming threat. I felt my muscles tighten and I protected them the only way I knew how.

Chapter One: Running

Each breath I took hurt my chest but I could not take the time to hold myself together. I had to force myself to keep moving one foot in front of the other. I knew what I was doing was going to cause pain to those who cared for me and destroy all the relationships I had managed to hold onto but I also understood that I had been given no choice. Once again my choices were taken from me. I would do whatever it took to keep the people I cared about safe. I had been at my breaking point as I waited for Laurent or Victoria to come for me so when Jacob had first told me that he and his pack had defeated Laurent and that Victoria was still coming, I fell apart, it was too much. I collapsed and let the misery and anxiety take me. The vampires that I once thought were mine and would protect me were not here, and were not coming back to save me this time and even though Jacob's pack felt obligated to protect the dreary town of Forks, I would not allow them to die for me. I would not allow my best friend with misplaced affection, to face the fiery redhead. I would not allow my parents to be in the cross-hairs of Victoria's retaliation. She was here to avenge her mates' death, she was not going after the Cullen's. This was a mate for a mate, she did not know that Edward had changed his mind and had gotten bored with me.

Jacob had not let me out of his sight as he told the pack what I had told him about Victoria. It was as I sat there listening to how they would use this new information to plan, I started to devise a plan of my own. I had to make sure that Victoria believed I was out of the area and I had to make sure that Charlie would not be able to follow me either. I knew I could not stop him from trying but I knew to keep them safe I had no choice. Maybe someday I would be able to make contact or see them again and maybe not, but to keep them alive this was what I had to do. I wanted to be upset about this but could not bring myself to be, hadn't I already decided that this would be my fate before he took that future with him because I was given no choice.

No choice, he had decided this on his own. We were supposed to be partners, but he decided this on his own. He decided to leave me. I would never choose that. He thought I would move on, love again but I don't see it that way. Did he honestly think I could love or even tolerate someone else? It is not his fault, he did not love me anymore, and I had to accept what is. He decided to remove himself from me but he will always have a part of me. My heart had left with him. I knew I couldn't live without him, there was no other way see it. He choose to live without me, and I could never choice that, but I had been given no choice.

As soon as Jacob left the house I went into action. First priority, Charlie could not know something was happening. So I went into the kitchen and started dinner for Charlie just like every other day. Once it was started I made my way to my bedroom. I knew the pack would start watching my house tonight and from now on I would only have brief moments without a guardian and I would need to make each of them count. At least they could not see into the future at what I was planning. At my quick comparison, my heart throbbed but I could not think about them now. I took my suitcase from under my bed and moved to my closet, instead of taking my clothes that Charlie may notice missing before or to quickly after my departure, I took the clothes Alice had given me that I had shoved in the back of my closet, accidentally letting these thoughts slip in I wanted to take the time to hold myself together as the pain these thoughts always caused hit me but I did not have time, I shoved the clothes into my bag then looked at my shoe options. I grabbed a pair of ballerina flats and sandals and left the rest of the death traps there. I shoved everything back into my closet so that nothing looked disturbed.

As I tried to stuff my suit case back under my bed it caught on a loose floor board and pried it up. Even though I needed to move quickly to get the bag under the bed and finish making Charlie's dinner, when I saw a CD in its hiding spot, I stopped my rush. I picked up the CD that I recognized right away as the one He had given me on my birthday. Under the CD was the airline tickets as well as the stack of photos that he never mailed to my mom along with the ones from my scrapbook. I could already fill the tears streaming down my face but I did not have time to ponder why He left these in my room or look at the proof I had desperately hoped to find for so long that proved he was once in my life. I gulped in air not realizing I was holding my breath and quickly removed all of my new treasure, I would think about it later, and shoved it in my suitcase replaced the board and shoved all of it under my bed. Then I ran downstairs to remove the potatoes and fish I had broiling.

I was just finishing the salad to go with dinner when Charlie came in. The fact that I had been crying did not go unnoticed, but he did not draw attention to it either. It was hard for both of us to discuss our feelings openly and I hope that held out. As we sat eating I realized that this was the last dinner we might ever share and I could not help the few tears that slipped out.

I wanted to tell Carlie so much but knew if I started he would figure out more was going on so I settled on a quiet "Thank you."

Charlie patted my hand and tried to give me a smile but it came out like a grimace. "Anytime." He whispered back. With those simple words, we expressed the love between us. I instantly hated that my next actions would decimate what was left of our relationship.

After I finished washing the dishes, I quickly told me father good night and tripped running up the stairs before I could break into tears. I heard my father chuckle and was glad that he would have a good memory of my final time around him. When I returned to my room I continued working on my plan to lure Victoria away from the ones I love. I knew her ability to find me was going to focus greatly on my scent and I had no hope of eliminating it completely but I wanted her as far away from my father's home as possible, so as I went into my room I knew I wanted to weaken the scent. I crossed the room and opened my window, it squeaked with the months of no use. The pain of why it had not been used ripped at my chest, but I needed to use that pain to force myself to continue working.

I grabbed a note book from my back pack and began writing letters to those who I cared about. First to Renee, to tell her how much I loved her. That I knew Phil was wonderful for her and would take care of her. I asked her to carry on with her life, to enjoy herself. I told her I needed to find myself and that I would be okay.

My second letter was to Jacob. I did not know if someone else would read this letter so I only apologized for running and did not mention our other secrets. I let him know I would never be whole and could never care for him the way he did for me. I asked him to not think of me that way and to begin to look for a girl who could love him with her whole heart and not just what was left of it. I thanked Jacob for being my personal sun in my months of darkness. I asked Jacob not to look for me. This was for me to deal with.

My next letter was to Charlie, I thought it would kill me to write to him but I had to force myself to finish what I started. If I didn't I would always be worrying if she was coming for me and if he  
>would pay the ultimate sacrifice. I finally opened up to my father. I thanked him for letting me live here with him, for letting me get to know him, for loving me in his own quiet way. I thanked him for putting up with me in these last months of struggles as well as for the time I ran to Phoenix. I apologized for not being a better daughter and for all the grief I had put him through. Then I<br>begged him to not try to look for me. I told him, much like Renee that I needed to find myself. I needed time alone to work through things. I insisted that I was an adult and this is what I needed to do. Like my other letters I did not give false hope of contact or a timeline for  
>returning. I wanted him to be safe I did not want to hurt him but I knew this was the only way for me to go.<p>

I quickly wrote two identical letters to Victoria one I would leave at my house and the other at the Cullen's. I quickly let her know that I knew she was after me. I let her know I had cut all ties to the mere mortals of my life. As my anger took over I taunted her. I told her if she wanted her  
>vengeance, her prize, she would have to find me. I told her that only a good tracker like her James could find me but oops he was unable to help her. I challenged her to come for me alone. I finished by offering her good luck.<p>

The last letter was the hardest even if it was the shortest. It was to Ed-him. I asked if he ever found my letter and Charlie was still around, even if he never cared for me, please watch out for him. It hurt because I did not leave Forks because that would be agreeing that it was over  
>and now I had no choice. I had the proof in my lullaby and the pictures that we once happened but I was finally saying good-bye to where we happened. I was saying good-bye to them, to him.<p>

I wanted Victoria to find my letter outside my house. I did not want her to come in and make a snack of anyone in my home. As I paced my room I stubbed my toe, no big shock there that I could hurt myself, on the end of my bed and when the little streak of blood came I realized I could make my scent strong with my blood and hide it outside. The blood would make it potent and she would go to it. I dabbed both of her letters on my foot as I took deep breaths through my mouth willing myself not to be sick. After I bandaged my toe. I leaned out my window and found a perfect little crack under my window in which to hide the letter.

As I climbed into bed to try to get some rest, I tossed and turned full of anxiety but I knew I would have to wait to put the next phase of my plan into action. I would need energy to keep going and as I began to drift off to sleep I idly wondered which of the pack was playing babysitter tonight. Did they see me place my letter, I hopped not. I would only get one chance at this if they figured out my plan I would be stuck. So I only have a couple of hours tomorrow of sunlight when no vampires would be out and between patrols and guard change to slip away. I had to make it count.


	2. About to take Flight

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight; all original characters and plot are hers. The rest is mine.

Out of the night that covers me,  
>Black as the Pit from pole to pole,<br>I thank whatever gods may be  
>For my unconquerable soul.<p>

In the fell clutch of circumstance  
>I have not winced nor cried aloud.<br>Under the bludgeonings of chance  
>My head is bloody, but unbowed.<p>

Beyond this place of wrath and tears  
>Looms but the Horror of the shade,<br>And yet the menace of the years  
>Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.<p>

It matters not how strait the gate,  
>How charged with punishments the scroll.<br>I am the master of my fate:  
>I am the captain of my soul.<p>

Invictus - William Ernest Henley

Chapter 2: About to take Flight

When I woke I could hear Charlie getting ready as he did every Sunday morning to go fishing with Billy Black. I took a quick shower and then returned and began cleaning my room. Staying in the room until he left to prevent myself from breaking down in front of him. I wanted to say good bye but I was not sure if I could do it without alerting him to my distress.

"I'll see you later." Charlie yelled up the stairs to me.

"Bye dad." I replied. Adding "I love you." in a whisper.

As soon as he was gone. I took my personal bag and shoved into my back pack and lifted my suitcase from under the bed. I took the remaining letters and shoved them in my purse along with my wallet and the money I kept hidden in my sock drawer.

I left my suitcase and purse by the door and took my back-pack into the kitchen. I loaded it with items I could snack on, that had only been for me and would be a reminder to Charlie. In an attempt to further eliminate my smell I opened every window in the house, hoping the neighbors would think I was trying to air it out. I then took the note pad from the counter and left Charlie a note, 'Gone to clear my head. I love you, Dad.' Grabbing all of my bags and moving as quickly as I could without tripping I ran to my truck. I threw the suitcase in the back and jumped into the front. Going as fast as my truck would go I drove to the Cullen home. After my last trip I did not think I would return but like many things today I would force myself for the safety of those I love.

I knew when I walked in it would nearly kill me to see everything gone. I tried the front door first but as I thought it was secured. I walked around to the door by the kitchen while looking for something to break the window. I hated the idea of breaking anything of the families that I once thought I would belong too, but Victoria would surely do it and I needed to place my letters. As I bent down to pick up a stone I noticed the security panel. I tried several combinations. I tried everyone in the families' date of birth. I tried the years they were born and the years they were turned. Nothing I tried worked. I once again resolved myself to breaking the window when I decided to try again. I pressed zero, nine, one, and three, to say I was surprised that it worked would be an understatement. The door unlocked and the alarm deactivated.

I entered the home and realized that they had left all the furniture in the home. It looked as if someone one could still live here if needed and I would have but this would be the first place that everyone would check. As I looked around I noticed the small things that were gone. The little details that make a house a home. I wanted to take time to miss my lost family but the pack could be here anytime.

I knew I did not want Victoria to find the letter I wrote him so I went to the closet hoping there would be something there I could use to mask my scent. I pulled out a coat of Esme's that was no doubt a prop and probably not needed somewhere else they might live. As I put the coat on I noticed a pack back sitting on the floor with an envelope with my name on it. I wanted to rip it open and see what was left for me but there was not enough time for that now.

I took my letter for Edward and headed up to the third floor, I would place my letter in the drawer in his en-suite that I used when I stayed the night. It was the only place in the house that was just mine or at least they had let me believe it was. When I was outside the door, I could feel my body shaking. Looking at his room and seeing just the items that did not mean anything to him left behind was going to hurt. When I opened the door I gasped, it felt like all of the oxygen in my lungs had been sucked away. There everything sat, his music, his journals, even the picture of him and his parents. Why had he left it all behind? Was he so desperate to get away from me that he could not take the time. Wouldn't the family have taken it for him? It made no sense. Looking at everything in its place, I wanted to sit on the couch and listen to music. I wanted to pretend that it was the wonderful summer again when he and I would sit here together for hours. Without him I did not want to live now let alone for eternity, I could wait her and pretend until she came for me and been happy but I had promised him and the pack will send someone to look for me and I would have failed. I took a deep breath and quickly went to the bathroom placed my letter. I grabbed the picture of Edward as I hurried back downstairs careful not to trip, there was no one here to catch me like there had been in the past. I had to get out of the house before I fell apart and stayed here forever.

I knew I only had a short amount of time before Jake noticed I was not home and notified Charlie something was up. I returned the coat to the closet, grabbed the backpack with my name on it, and placed the letter to Victoria on the coffee table. Before I exited out the back door and relocked the house. I quickly made it to the truck and was going to start driving when I decided I needed to at least look at the letter. Someone had placed it there for me. I don't know when but right now I could use any help I could find.

I took a deep breath as I prepared myself to see the beautiful handwriting of my lost beloved or the cute script of my best friend. I did not recognize the writing right off and was dumbfounded when the signature revealed it was written by Jasper. Why would Jasper write to me? When did he do this?

_Dearest Bella_

_I prepared this bag for you with the hope that you may never need it. Since you are reading this letter I am truly sorry we are not with you at this time and hope that we will find a way to help you. Alice says she cannot see a future right now where you would need this but it makes me feel better knowing it is here._

_First I want to apologize for my actions on your birthday that set our current circumstances in motion. I wish I had better control of my thirst and you were not harmed. I know it is your nature to forgive and you did not hold it against me as soon as it was over. But you need to know how truly guilty I feel for everything._

_Second, in this bag I have placed a few things that you may need. I have placed some money and again I know you would not like that but I feel better knowing you have the funds to help you on this adventure. Please take it? I also placed spare identifications that I had created during spring break. We luckily did not need them then but maybe you will find them useful now._

_Lastly I have included a set of keys to an old truck of mine. It is in storage just outside of the Houston airport. The address is in the bag. I know you will like the truck, nothing as ostentatious as you are used to seeing us in._

_Remember Bella "Family does not give up on family."_

_Yours Truly_

_Jasper_

I was no longer part of that family and it hurt to be reminded of that but I did not have time to think about any of this, like many other things I had seen today. However, I would take whatever help I could get and I placed the letter back in the bag and started my truck.

As I drove away from the Cullen home I tried to decide how I would confuse my trail. First I needed to make it hard for Charlie to track me down. I know even though I asked him not to he would look for me.

I needed to confuse my scent trail as well. If I was going to live for any real length of time I needed to make it hard for Victoria to find me as well. I knew if I got in a vehicle my scent trail would be hard to follow but that did not give me much hope at losing her.

Knowing my truck would not get me far and would be easy to track I decided to drive to the Port Angeles bus station. Once there I went to one ticket booth and purchased a ticket to Vancouver, Canada. I then went to a different window and purchased a ticket to Portland, Oregon. This would make it difficult for Charlie to know where to begin his search.

I then went out to the bus yard and claimed to have left my back pack on the bus upon my arrival just a couple of hours ago. I walked up and down each bus that would allow me to look for my lost bag. I knew when I was done I had left me scent on at least a dozen buses.

I returned to my truck and called a cab. While I waited I pulled out the airline tickets from my birthday and called the airline. I asked if I could redeem the tickets for a location other than the original purchase and if they were transferable. As long as I was able to pay the transfer  
>fees, I could do as I see fit with the tickets. With that in mind I dug into the back-pack Jasper had prepared for me and took the first set of ID's I could find.<p>

I pulled out the new identity of Annabella Marie Hale. I was touched that Jasper had made me his sister but did not have time to dwell on it. I told the woman on the line Annabella would pay the fees when she picked up the new ticket at the window. I let her know that I wanted to trade both tickets for a one way ticket to London.

Set to leave the Seattle Airport, I would leave in a little more than three hours and have only  
>one lay over. Then I would be leaving the country. I was not sure where I was going and right now I just wanted the greatest distance between me and the ones I loved.<p>

I briefly thought of trying to find my - his vampire family but I knew they would not want me. I thought of looking for their cousins in Denali but they would know that the family did not want me as well and would not want to be bothered by a human. The only other vampires I knew how to find were the Volturi and I though I cared little for my life and knew they cared even less I would not risk theirs. I would not let the rulers know that they had let a human know and left them alive.

As soon as the cab arrived I loaded my bags in the back with me and left the keys to my truck, my cell phone, and the remaining letters in the glove box. I locked up the truck and got in the cab without a backwards glance.

During the drive to the airport I was anxious, my eyes darting around convinced someone would be following me, Victoria, the pack, or worse Charlie. With nothing to occupy me for the two hour drive I was left to my paranoia. Surely someone from the pack had arrived at my home, with the windows open and my truck gone they would have alerted Sam. Jacob would have started looking for me. He would have been able to have someone in the pack get to Charlie to let him know I was missing as well. They would be starting the search. I was not sure if Charlie would see my note and give it time or if he would panic. I hoped my little tricks would slow them down. I did not know how long it would take them to locate my truck or if they would follow my false leads. I wasn't sure how long it would take Charlie to call in favors from surrounding police agencies. Not knowing how any of this worked I just hoped that I would be able to get off the ground before someone recognized me.

When I arrived at the airport I realized I needed to move some things around in my luggage to avoid questioning. I hid in a small corner of the airport. I took what seemed like an adequate amount of cash for my international trip and stuffed the rest in my suitcase that I would check in. I didn't want the amount of cash Jasper left me to be seen through the x-ray, I would be stopped. I replaced my true identification with Annabella's and then shoved the extra set and my originals in the suitcase as well. I took some of the snack food I had packed and placed it in my new bag, it looked like it could handle travel better than my old beat up one. I placed Jasper's letter in my bag and considered placing the CD and pictures in the new backpack as  
>well but I could not afford a break down on an airplane, so they remained in my suitcase. I stuffed my old bag between an old set of metal chairs and the wall. Then with my purse, new backpack, and suitcase Annabella went to the ticket<br>counter.

Due to the drive and the need to arrange my luggage, there was not enough time for panic to truly set in. Once I was checked in I had to move quickly to board the plane. I would be able to plan the next leg of my adventure as Jasper put it, during the four hour flight.


	3. Detours

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight; all original characters and plot are hers. All poetry is the property of the original author. The rest is mine.

YET, yet, ye downcast hours, I know ye also;  
>Weights of lead, how ye clog and cling at my ankles!<br>Earth to a chamber of mourning turns-I hear the o'erweening, mocking  
>voice,<br>Matter is conqueror-matter, triumphant only, continues onward.

YET, yet, ye downcast hours – Walt Whitman

Chapter 3: Detours

My first decision was made. I was headed to London. I was not sure what I would do when I got there. When I had dreamed of traveling to England in the past I had a list of things that I would do. The Literary Tours, which took you to famous sites throughout famous works had been something I had always wanted to do. I had wanted to see the London Underground and Hyde Park.

When I thought about it, I knew I could not out run a vampire forever. They had all the time and none of the pesky human needs I did. My goal had never been to outrun her for long but long enough to make sure no one else I loved got hurt. So would it hurt me to see what ever part of the world I could before she found me? I could travel in crowded places during the sunny weather and hide away when she could move freely.

So as I sat on the plane contemplating my next move I realized I did not have enough information to really make any set plans. I had selected London because there was no need to know an additional language. I would just be another American tourist. So, really I my plan would be to find a hotel and then work from there.

Thinking about what I would do once the plane landed did not take enough time and my mind was drawn to everything I had shoved from my mind during my run from Forks. Why had he placed all of my gifts under the floorboard? 'It will be like I never existed.' Then why was the proof in my house? Why did he leave everything? I was not important, Forks wasn't important. Why leave it there? Why had Jasper felt like he needed to leave me a get a way bag? Why was my birthday the security code to the house? Alice had not seen a future where I needed the bag but I sure has hell did.

Thinking of Alice I wondered was she seeing my future now. Would she know I was on the run? Would she know I needed their help? Would they want to help me, when he didn't want me? They knew he was leaving when the bag was left did that mean they would still help me?

What did Jasper mean by "Family does not give up on family."? Did they see me as family if he didn't? Was that why my birth date was the door code? Or was it like that because they knew I would be in danger? It hurt to think they knew I may be in danger and still left me. I could not think like that or I would fall apart now. Maybe I wasn't family but surely they would not leave knowing one of their kind was after me.

I could feel my breath becoming in shallow and I was beginning to get dizzy. I needed to focus on something else, this train of thought would lead to a break down and I needed to remain calm and I needed to be ready for anything, until I was off this plane I would not feel like my plan had been successful. I tried to focus on the inflight movie. I played with my iPod. I did everything I could think of to not think of what lay before me and of them but nothing kept me for long. I needed to be out of this plane, being confined was not helping. The worst part was knowing my next leg of the flight would be longer.

The plane finally landed and I scrambled to get my luggage and make it to the international terminal to make the connecting flight. If I was lucky I would have time to grab a book at one of the many gift shops. As I was waiting in line I occupied myself with my new passport memorizing any changed information, trying to contain anxiety, convinced someone would recognize me or catch me in my lies. The wait dragged on and I tried to act casual appearing to watching CNN, while my eyes scanned the area over and over. I caught off guard when out of the corner of my eye I saw the picture on the screen change to the last school picture I had taken in Phoenix. CNN had been looking at local news across the nation and Charlie had already reported me as missing. My breath caught in my throat and I could hear my blood pounding in my ears.

I could not continue to my flight. I needed to get out of this airport and away from those monitors who told everyone around I was on the run. I quickly exited the line and headed for the nearest set of doors. With the first stroke of luck since I started I walked right out into the cab bank. I jumped in the first available cab and thanks to Charlie the only thing I knew about in Chicago was Wrigley's Field so that is exactly what I told the cab driver "Take me to the field."

I was not sure what I would do once he left me there but I would figure it out. At this point I was not really making decisions. I was doing the best with what was thrown at me. We arrived at the field and I paid the driver and waited for him to leave. I was tired, the lack of sleep last night, the running, and the anxiety I was feeling was all taking a toll on me. I looked across the street to a McDonald's, I was not hungry but I knew I needed to keep my strength and wits about me so I decided I would get lunch and figure out a new plan. I would not be going into an airport anytime soon so London was out of the question. The next destination would be the pick up truck Jasper left me, but I needed to rest.

After eating I began to walk down Clark Street which seemed to have the most on it and be the most crowded. I could blend in. Once I got a few blocks down I saw a posh hotel and as relaxing as it sounded I did not want to stay somewhere expensive. I continued on when I finally found a Days Inn and went to see if they had any availability. I was in luck and checked into a room for 3 days. By then I would have to determine how I would get to Houston.

I made it to my room. After making sure the door was locked. I crawled into the middle of the bed exhausted and cried myself to sleep.

I woke sometime early the next morning surprised that I had slept through the night without having a single nightmare. Since they left, I had been plagued with nightly reminders of the family and love I would never find. I was stiff and a little disoriented. It was hard to believe less than 48 hours ago, I had been wallowing in my misery and barely interacting with the people around me. Now that I had to leave them I wish I had spent more time being involved. I was not ready to face the world yet and so I took some of the pop tarts from my bag. As I ate I retrieved the letter from Jasper, the CD, and the pictures. I re-read the letter still not sure of the meanings behind it and it only started me on the same mind numbing circle of questions I could not answer yesterday on the plane. I spread the pictures from the envelope around the bed. I avoided the ones that would hurt the most and started looking at the ones taken at Forks High.

Not that I was terribly close to the other students but I had made good acquaintances. I could not say that I would miss Jessica or Mike but I would miss what they had, what they represented. I would miss Angela she had been my one really true friend, she did not abandon me while I existed in my zombie phase. The others I would not miss enough to even think about.

Next I looked at the pictures of my lost families. Alice had taken a few before the horrible ending of my party that allowed me to have pictures of everyone in the Cullen family. She managed to get a picture of each couple as they waited for me in the family room. My heart clinched and tears started to fall as I looked at these photos. Seeing Esme, my would be mother, that mothered me more than my mom ever had. Wrapped in the arms of Carlisle who had tended to me more than anyone. I let out a small giggle when I saw Emmett with his huge grin that was so childlike in his excitement. Rosalie was just as distant as usual but I had not expected anything different. I was almost sure she was happy that I was not a threat to her family anymore. I looked at Jasper who looked so calm and happy next to Alice. They were perfect for each other, they balanced each other. This Jasper looked nothing like the Jasper that came for me just a few minutes later.

Then I looked at my best friend and the tears I had tried to keep at bay flowed freely now. The cute Pixie had been so happy to plan a party for me and I had been nothing but difficult. I never thanked her for any of it. I was so worried about aging that I never saw what she was trying to do. If I ever saw her again I would have to say thank you a thousand times. I missed Alice.

Then I looked at the picture of Charlie. I knew that now I had hurt him greatly and he would not forgive me if I ever returned. I never wanted to hurt Charlie but it seems that I have done that over and over again since I moved in with him.

I could not regret the decision to move to Forks. If I had not I would not have ever really known the real Charlie. I would not have become best friends with Alice or Jacob. And even though I it hurt to even think of him now, I would never met_ him_. I would never have known what true love was. It didn't matter that I had none of that now. I was one of the lucky ones who once had it all.

With that thought I pulled out all of the pictures of Edward. As I looked at his pictures I let myself think about him and it ripped the edges of the hole in my chest anew. I looked at every detail, my dreams and delusions had not done him justice. My memory had not captured how truly beautiful he was. Looking at his picture it was not hard to understand why he had gotten bored of me. Lastly I looked at the picture I had taken from his room. It was the picture of him and his parents. Even in black and white you could tell how truly beautiful he was and where he had gotten it from. I briefly wondered if things would have been different or if he would still have left me if we met when he was human. Then again what would I have been doing in Chicago then? That was the first time I realized that I was in same town that my Edward had been born.

I put the CD in the radio provided by the hotel and was immediately surrounded by the sounds of my lullaby. I clutched the pictures of Edward to my chest and began to sob uncontrollably as I lay there with the proof that once, we were something.

At some point I must have fallen asleep because I woke-up as the sun was going down. I had taken a day to grieve for both the families and lives I had lost and now I needed to start moving on.


	4. New Home

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight; all original characters and plot are hers. All poetry is the property of the original author. The rest is mine.

A/N:

Thank you to all of you who have followed or favorite-d me. Thank you for the positive reviews. It is very gratifying when others enjoy something I find joy and peace in.

My plan is to post one or two chapters every week but since I have a hectic schedule I will not promise on what day that will be done.

And….Since people have asked and been so nice – Yes there will be a Cullen POV chapter coming up and periodically throughout.

In the darkness of my own new home  
>I feel scared sometimes and always alone<br>I hear every noise that you don't listen for  
>I hear a spider upon the walls<br>I listen as it slowly crawls  
>I hear the tap drip, drip &amp; drip<br>And I tell myself to get a grip  
>I am scared to walk upon the floors<br>Not knowing what's behind all the doors  
>I feel the peace creep up on me<br>Not knowing how long day will be  
>I listen for noises I am so used to<br>My little brothers and what they used to do  
>The noise early in the morning is there no more<br>Believe it or not these wee things I now do adore  
>I don't like living by myself but it will do me good<br>At the time that's how I felt well I thought it would  
>I thought that it would be easy for me<br>But I'd never known this is how it would be  
>I sit upon the chairs that don't feel the same<br>I sit upon the bed and think of my shame  
>I cook some food but only for one<br>Wonder why I am all alone  
>I sit sometimes and cry to go home<br>I hate the feeling of being alone  
>I hate the silence that surrounds me<br>And I think to my where I should really be  
>I just need to learn to adapt to my new home<br>Sometimes it's good to be alone  
>In the darkness of my new home<p>

In the darkness of my own new home STEPHANIE MCGRATH

Chapter 4 – New Home

I ventured down to the lobby in search of two things, real food and the internet. I was in luck, there was a Jimmy John's off the lobby. I approached the counter and ordered a number twelve - the Beach Club. It had been my favorite in Phoenix and it had been a long time since I had had one. I sat there as they prepared to close and enjoyed my sandwich and lemonade.

For a few brief moments I wanted to pretend that I was just a regular person out on a road trip. I was here to see the sights and see what Chicago had to offer, but my thoughts would not let me.

After eating I found that the hotel provided computers where guests could access the internet in the main lobby. I logged in and tried to decide my next course of action. I would need a plan for getting to Houston. However since I was not sure if I would be forced to see him and feel his rejection I did not have the will to push myself to go there right now. I knew I would not stay in one area for too long but I had already decided I could risk staying in each place for a little while when I was destined for London so why not stay here for a while. I did not have any places that I wanted to see here, but I could wait to move on.

Really I knew that they could see me and if they wanted to help it would be a good place to find me but I was not sure if I was ready to see them, see him. The rational side of me said I should hurry there in case they were there, they could protect me. The broken part of me would be devastated if they were not there and I could not imagine the pain of seeing the family again and losing them when the threat was gone, of seeing him and knowing he did not want me. As the searing pain ripped through my chest, my decision was made.

If I could, I would lay low for a little while. I would wait and I would no longer be news except for in the small town. I knew my next destination would be Houston to pick up the truck that Jasper left me but I would hide here for a little while before I headed there. At some point I would have to face the pain and of their absence or rejection but my heart could not take it right now.

I knew I didn't want to stay in the hotel the entire time. Too many people to keep an eye on. I needed somewhere to stay. So the first thing I would look for would be a short term lease. There were several extended stay motels. All of them looked worse than I remember the slums of Phoenix. I didn't need to live somewhere that the human residents might kill me when I was already trying to out run a vampire.

The nicer the place the longer the contract or the higher the price. I didn't know how long I would be running or when I would be able to work again so I needed my money to stretch as far as possible. I had all but given up hope when a small ad caught my eye.

Temp sublet, small one room flat available until the fall. Please no phone calls. If you are interested, email.

This was perfect. I would definitely not be here past summer. No phone call to the owners so they would not see my complete inability to lie. I quickly created a free email account for Annabella and sent my letter of interest. I explained that I was traveling and would be staying for most of the summer but had tired quickly of the hotel scene. I let them know I could pay upfront for it, I did not want to risk them wanting to do a back ground check. I requested to move in the following day. Then returned to my room. I would check it the following morning.

Though I had slept through a good portion of the day. I still felt drained. I grabbed what Alice had purchased in the way of pajamas and headed to the bathroom. Thanks to what felt like an endless supply of hot water. I relaxed in the deep tub for a couple of hours. When I was done I curled up in the middle of the bed, turned on my CD, clutched my photos to my chest, and again cried myself to sleep.

The following morning I headed down for the continental breakfast and the computer banks. Once I was logged in I immediately checked my email. They had approved my request, asked that I come in the evening, and informed me how much to bring for the flat. All of their demands worked for me. It turned out that the flat was the upper level of an ancient brick home in an area that was now called Lincoln Park. I quickly looked at a map of the area, since I still had the hotel room until the next day I would keep everything in my room and check out just before heading to my new place.

I went back to my room, gathered my belongings and then decided since the sun was shining, I would not sit in my room again all day today. I would see what there was to see in my new town. Maybe I would find a store to get a few items. Until I got a vehicle I wanted to travel light but I did not know what the new place would have to offer. I left the hotel headed south in the direction of Lincoln Park. Maybe I could find a couple of places that I could spend my time. Not that I planned to be out much but I would go insane hidden in the room all the time. If I always made sure people were around and I was in by dark I could move about.

As I walked I noted the location of a local grocery store that I could return to on my way back to the hotel. After walking several blocks I came to the Lincoln Park Cultural Center. It looked like a hub of a lot of activity. I wandered around looking at all the things to do, when an exhibit about 'Old Chicago' caught my attention.

It began sometime around 1830 and ended just after World War II. I however was only interested in one era. I quickly walked to the photos of Chicago - Turn of the Century. This is what my Edwards Chicago would have looked like. I read each bit of information thoroughly. I looked at the clothes everyone was wearing. I did not want to miss a detail. I nearly cried as I read how the Spanish Influenza had ravaged the town. One photo during that time really surprised me. It depicted the local hospital that had burnt down with hundreds of victims of the illness. I had never heard about this and wondered if Carlisle knew. They say the arsonist was never found but it had been suspected to be someone who feared the spread of the disease. My curiosity was piqued and I wanted to know more. This was not why I had stayed in Chicago but it was how I would spend my time here. I would find out everything I could about life in my Edward's Chicago and the hospital that was the last place in the city he had stayed.

I left the Cultural Center in the late afternoon, made a quick stop at the store. I was able to buy some necessities, a couple of small blankets and towels, and a little bit of food. I headed to the hotel, called a cab, and checked out. It was time to go to my new home.

I arrived at the old brick home just after sunset. When I paged to get into the building I was met on the dimly lit landing by a very beautiful woman, her name was Beth. She had amazing auburn hair with streaks of bronze. Almost the same color as his. I was struck that her voice sounded almost musical. It felt like maybe it was but she was trying to hide it. I she looked me over closely and I noticed a brief expression of shock when I handed her the money for the flat. It quickly was gone and I assume it was due to someone so young having that amount in cash. Collecting herself, she gave me the keys to my flat, the code to the front door, and a quick list of rules. She informed me that she and her husband were the only other tenants and they took the entire bottom level. I thanked her quickly and headed to my flat.

I knew I was paranoid or going crazy. I was convinced that my new landlord was a vampire. I had to tell myself over and over again that I was letting my imagination get away from me. My human eyesight could not detect anything in the poorly lit entry way. I told myself to relax. I mentally berated myself for letting my fears project on to other innocent people.

As I allowed myself to look around the flat, I was surprised at how lovely it looked, I would have to tell Beth how much I liked it. I was lucky to stumble upon this lease. Fully furnished had included everything; dishes, bedding, towels, it had everything I would need. The entire place was classically decorated with only hints of modern tastes. The small kitchenette was another story. It was very modern, with new appliances, bright colors, and clean lines. In the small sitting area there was an overstuffed deep chair and a bookcase full of books and I was ecstatic that they had what I would consider good taste in literature; Shakespeare, The Bronte Sisters, Jane Austen, the list went on and on. I placed my bags near the bed, grabbed some pop tarts from my backpack, a glass of water and curled up on the overstuffed chair to read. I grabbed their copy of Wurthering Heights and began reading.

I must have fallen asleep while reading, for I woke with a scream, my nightmares of my unending search for him returning. The whole time passages of the book swam in my head.

'If all else perished, and he remained, I should still  
>continue to be; and if all else remained, and he were annihilated, the universe<br>would turn to a mighty stranger'. He did remain out there without me and the world was lonely but I continued to be.

'Be with me always - take any form - drive me mad! only do  
>not leave me in this abyss, where I cannot find you! Oh, God! it is<br>unutterable! I can not live without my life! I can not live without my soul!' I wasn't living and I was happy with my delusions. He could take any form as long as I did not forget him.

'I gave him my heart, and he took and pinched it to death;  
>and flung it back to me. People feel with their hearts, and since he has<br>destroyed mine, I have not power to feel'. I wish I could return to the numb place at times like these but I also knew that being a zombie would not protect me from Victoria.

'I have to remind myself to breathe - almost to remind my  
>heart to beat!' The pain of my lost love was always present and I frequently had to catch my breath or hold my chest together.<p>

I stumbled to the bed, again taking Edward's photo from my bag. I sat in the center of the bed and sobbed. I am not sure how long I cried but at some point I again had fallen asleep and it was now mid-day as the sun woke me streaming through the window. I was stiff but I was drained. I had not allowed myself to think of him in so long and now it seemed I couldn't stop myself. I grabbed the one pair of sweats I had packed, one of the only t-shirts Alice had bought me and the shampoo from the hotel and quickly took a shower. When I was done I grabbed the CD from my bag and the last of the pop tarts I had packed. I put the CD in a small stereo and sat on the floor at the foot of the bed. For the next two days I finally let myself breakdown over losing him. When he first left I was able to lock him away and be numb, when I had my first delusion I had been able to control when I thought of him. Now as I have opened the door to my memories I am finally letting the sadness and desolation of his farewell wash over me. I listened over and over to his music. I looked at the photos, sometimes asking them questions; why did you not want me? Where are you? Why aren't you here when I need you? I barely ate. I cried, slept, and cried some more.

On the third day at my new place it was time to gather myself together and do something else. The rest of my life would be spent in pain and fear. I had no job, no school, and no one to speak to. I idly wondered if this would be how the rest of my existence would be until Victoria caught up with me. I could not let me self-wallow in these thoughts. I made the decision to go to the grocery store and the library. I was paid for the month in Chicago and I would use at least that before I headed to Houston unless something happened.

I made my way to the Lincoln Park library where I looked at many books shelved as Chicago Historical references but only found a handful of those that were not based on fiction. I found two that were more informative. One was the adequately named Encyclopedia of Chicago, which took a very clinical look at the history and was devoid of passion. I enjoyed Lost Chicago much more but neither book covered what I was looking for. They gave me pictures of what my Edward's Chicago was like. I saw some of the attire that would have been worn in his day. I briefly wondered what Edward would think of me in something from his era.

Books were not helpful with the information I was looking for. So I used the computers provided and I found countless articles about the disease and how it quickly ravaged the city. It must have been scary to have lived here those last few weeks of his life. Not to mention the tedium of day to day life with the city closing everything with the exception to church and school. It had to be an awful time in the Masen's life.

I then spoke to a librarian and she showed me to a desk with an old microfiche viewer on it. She let me know that these were images of the local newspapers that had not yet been put into their database. I spent some time looking through papers starting mid-summer of 1918. Coming up with nothing on the burned out hospital after a couple of hours I headed to the store for a few more groceries and back to my flat.

For the first week I only went to the library and to grocery store. When I thought of going anywhere else my fear of being found by Victoria would keep me in my safe routine. I took to reading in the small back yard if the weather was at all overcast. I was always home if the weather was vampire friendly. Usually during this time Beth would come out to work on her small garden. Several times when I returned home there would be a basket with some of her harvest. Whenever Beth gardened she wore long sleeve shirts and gloves, mentioning how much she hated being scraped up. She was very sweet and asked how I was liking my stay. She only asked about where I was from and never pressed again when I promptly changed the subject.

I enjoyed the few times she and I ran into each other, I even looked forward to our run ins. She made me not feel so lonely. I knew I would leave soon and I would be alone again, but for those few minutes, someone cared.

The month seemed to fly by and before I knew it an additional three weeks had passed in this same fashion. Three or four days a week would find me walking to the library to spend a few hours reading old newspapers. Then back to my place where I would listen to the music from my CD, I never listened to the radio only the music from my Edward. I would read from the book collection and mope around. At least once or twice a week I would sob uncontrollably for my lost life. I would hold pictures each night and miss my lost family and love.

I had lost faith that I would find any additional information on the burnt down hospital. However going to the library was a distraction from sitting in the apartment. I am not sure why finding information on his time and the hospital consumed me so. I had returned to the Cultural Center hoping to find a date on the fire to find that the Exhibit had been removed. So I continued to read the daily paper from 1918.

Beth POV

In all the time we had leased properties I had never bothered to involve myself in others' lives. I was surprised when this small child had shown up at the door to fill our unit. We did not usually sublet the unit and only used it for guests however we had felt to make sure there was more movement around the home it would be best. She looked travel weary and warn out. My heart instantly wanted to care for her.

Already worried for this girl, I tensed for a second when she handed me the money for the unit but dismissed it. What I sensed could be explained many ways and I was just being over sensitive to the young woman.

She had frightened the both of us when she woke from a sound sleep with a shrill scream and began sobbing. It tore at my heart to hear her cry and I wanted to comfort her. I couldn't understand how someone like her could have gone through that much pain at such a young age.

She tore at my heart as she cried and I couldn't understand what had hurt her so badly that she cried so frequently. In those first couple of days I had wanted to go to her several times as she cried and listened to music. The melodies she listened to were a mix of classics and beautiful original pieces. Even though she would often cry as she listened to them it seemed it was the only thing that soothed her heart.

I had almost gone to her door a number of times to see what I could do, but each time my husband would remind me that we should not get involved and he was right.

I was hopeful the first time she left the apartment that she was on the mend but it was in vain. I was sure this child had no one. Whether or not that was her own doing or not I did not know but she needed someone. I noticed she had taken to reading one overcast day in the back yard near my garden. I quickly prepared myself and headed outside. I made a point when I could to join her. Annabella was very intelligent and respectful, however anytime I tried to guide the conversation to find out more about her she would change the subject or excuse herself. Soon I gave up trying, she did not want anyone to know but I had to believe this child was missed. I knew after almost a month that she had no one. She never called anyone and no one called her. She did not receive mail and I was pretty sure when she ventured out she always went to the same place.

Curious to what she was doing when she was not at home I followed her a couple of times. Only to discover she only went to the library. After the second time I ventured inside to see what she would be doing there? Was she working? Was she contacting people and I really had nothing to worry about? As I watched her I noticed she was looking at historical newspapers from the  
>area, they were nearly a hundred years old. I was no closer to knowing what haunted this child, but she was a tortured soul.<p> 


	5. The End

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight; all original characters and plot are hers. All poetry is the property of the original author. The rest is mine.

A/N:

**Again I must say Thank you to all of you who have followed or favorite-d me. Thank you for the reviews. Please keep them coming.**

**Sorry I did not post sooner I will try to have another chapter out in a couple of days. **

**And….As promised the next chapter will be a Cullen POV.**

* * *

><p>Chapter 5 - The End<p>

Nature's first green is gold,  
>Her hardest hue to hold.<br>Her early leaf's a flower;  
>But only so an hour.<br>Then leaf subsides to leaf,  
>So Eden sank to grief,<br>So dawn goes down to day  
>Nothing gold can stay.<p>

Nothing Gold Can Stay – Robert Frost

It was hard to believe that it had been a little over a month since I left Forks. When I first ran I was sure I would be dead by now. Since that was not what happened I was becoming more confident that if I kept on the move I would be able to stay a step ahead. Live a little longer and see some of the world. I did not think I would live a long life or full life but I would be able to travel. I would always be looking over my shoulder wondering when it would come to an end. I would just have to make sure no one knew where my next destination would be.

If I was being honest with myself I would let the thought that if I was still long enough Alice would see me and they would come. I had been still long enough, Alice should have been able to find me, they were not coming to help me. I was not family, they had given up on me.

I had wasted weeks researching the Chicago of his youth. I was discouraged and I knew that it had been the one last thing to I could try to feel connected to him. It really had not gotten me anywhere but it had occupied my time. It was time to start thinking about the next move in my adventure. When I went to the library today I would do some research on Houston and the surrounding areas. I would retrieve the truck and move on. I did not plan to stay there. The fact that anyone knew I could be in the area did not sit well with me. If they wanted to intercept me at the truck Alice would see me heading for it and they could wait for me, but I was sure they wouldn't.

After my research, I purchased a one way ticket to Houston for two days from now. Taking no chances I selected a flight that would leave just after sunrise and arrive in Texas with plenty of time to get the truck and check in to a local motel before dark. I would drive for a few hours each day during daylight hours until I reached South Carolina. I had decided that instead of going anywhere it would be easy for Victoria to move around I would stay in the sunnier, busier places. I had first thought of Phoenix but realized for the same reason James believed I would go there, I couldn't. I would have traveled to Florida but Renee was living there and I was not willing to put her in danger.

I had plenty of time to repack and clean the flat. Even though I would not call my existence a life I would miss Chicago. I would even miss Beth but I would not let her know where I was headed and I would never plan to see her again, that was a liability.

I had not been planning to continue my pathetic search for information on his last days but as I was heading out of the library I was stopped by the librarian letting me know she had pulled the next roll of microfiche as soon as she saw me enter. I didn't have the heart to tell her no thanks so I took the roll and started just glancing at the photos in the paper. When it caught my eye, the photo from the exhibit. I greedily read each line of the article, describing how there were so many ill inside and how the doctors and nurses did not have time to evacuate all of the patients. One nurse was quoted as saying "it seemed that the fire started in several locations at once." There had been many patients that had passed that October day and the number of dead versus those that died at the hands of the fire before the Influenza got them would never be known.

My lungs and heart ached as I continued the article and read 'notable Attorney Edward Masen Sr, his wife Elizabeth, and son Edward Jr were just one of the families that the fire had taken. Mr. Masen had been admitted to the hospital a week prior, and his wife and son had fallen ill just three days before the fire. It is believed that both Mr. & Mrs. Masen had already perished and that there son was the only one that would have been trapped in the fire. May we pray that he too had passed before this monstrous event.'

Edward had burnt at that time but not in that fire. I needed to get out of the library. Even though I knew his parents had perished before his change and I knew he was not in that building I still felt horrible. I wanted to mourn for his family. I had come so close to not knowing him at all.

I left the library with my mind in a haze of events I could do nothing about. Things that had happened almost a hundred years before I was born. Consumed by the sadness of his last days. His parents dying and had Carlisle not taken him when he did he would have burned to death. The image that created was too horrific to comprehend. Trapped in my thoughts I was startled form my reverie when a homeless woman grabbed my arm and began shouting at me. It took me a second to focus on what she was saying. "You are the missing girl aren't you?" she exclaimed.

"Pardon me?" I was trying to remain calm on the outside but I was coming unhinged. Someone had found me. Was it Charlie, the pack, or Victoria and how had they found me.

The ladies dirty finger pointed to a flier on a telephone pole that again had my school picture on it. It offered a reward for information regarding my whereabouts.

I could feel my face flush as I turned to the woman. "That is not me." I shouted as I yanked my arm from the person who threatened to expose me. Turning from the crowd that was gathering I hurried down the road as quickly as I could.

As soon as I was out of the sight of the woman I ran as quickly as I could only tripping a couple of times. I needed to get to the flat. Gather my belongings and call a cab. I was not sure who had found me but I had to move quickly. Maybe I could get another flight sooner or somewhere else. I rushed into the flat and in a flurry of activity I grabbed my clothes, the CD, the pictures and shoved them where ever they would fit in my suitcase and backpack. I placed them by the door and went to retrieve the keys to the flat from my purse. I would leave Beth a quick note of apology with extra money for not cleaning.

It was as I was bent over my purse that I heard it. Victoria was sitting on the kitchen counter clicking her tongue. "Vi-Vickie" I stammered as I took her in, at the same time I heard something I had not heard once since I left Forks. My delusion had returned, he was hissing in the back of my mind and I was thankful that I would get to hear him before I left this world. I would not escape with a vampire this close.

"Bella, Bella, Bella. You know you are one troublesome human. You gave me quite the time looking for you. First vampires, then those puppies. You do pick interesting friends. I found your letter by your window Bella, your father is lucky I had already fed. I almost did it out of spite, but really it is you that I wanted." she informed lazily. "It was all over the news that you took a bus and I would have ran after one of those leads except I had to meet a friend at the airport who was going to help me." she chuckled. "Imagine my surprise when I entered the airport and was met with your sweet scent. I began searching and found a bag you discarded. It is funny how people forget all about security and privacy when their lives hang in the balance. I asked around and found you had boarded a plane for London, Annabella. Not very original if you ask me. I wasted a lot of time in England before I figured out your little diversion." She spoke to me patronizingly. "I had tried to get to you many times since your mate took my James but you keep giving me a hard time. I was not sure when the Cullen's would leave you alone long enough for me to find you."

"He is not my mate." I whispered "He left me."

Victoria began laughing. "Is that what he told you. That diet of his must really be making him crazy. He only gets one." she sneered. "Oh well. Then you find a pack of wolves to protect you. They were doing a pretty good job of keeping you safe, too bad they were not so worried about the tourists."

I shivered when I thought about how many people died while she tried to get to me. I had to remind myself that she would have been feeding else where if she hadn't been after me in order to not feel guilty for those who died.

"I wondered why you left your puppies until I realized you found another group of vampires to protect you?" she mused.

Other vampires, what was she talking about. I was alone. I had no one.

"Did your vampires send you to them? Or maybe your crazy mate sent them to protect you." I wanted to cry at her assumptions. No one was there for me. "Its okay, this will all be over before your new vampires can save you."

I did not have time to cry, as soon as Victoria saw the sadness cloud my face she had me against the wall by my neck. She laughed again and told me I would not have to miss him long, just long enough for her to deliver the torture that Laurent had promised. As Victoria taunted me I listened to Edward snarl in my mind.

The first blow was my head being slammed into the wall, then dropping me to the ground. She proceeded to break the same leg James did. I tried to cover up and not scream out in pain but it was a lost cause. I could not help the yelps of pain with each new attack. I did not know how long she planned to keep this up. I only hoped that Beth would not run in here to help me and get herself killed. I now realized this was inevitable, I had allowed myself to fall into a false sense of security in the last few weeks. Convincing myself that I had evaded a vampire. At least I had succeeded a little and no one else needed to be hurt.

Victoria had grabbed my hand and squeezed it slowly and before she even released it, I knew it was crushed. If I lived through this it would be useless to me. Luckily I knew I would not survive. Edward screamed at me to fight back when I made the decision that I would not live through this. But how was I to fight her off, this was it, my life was over, maybe now so would my pain.

My cries had diminished as I had the realization and I quietly let myself listen to Edward. To tell him I love him and to tell him good-bye. My quietness must have upset Victoria, because she decided at that time to lift me by my crushed hand. It was excruciating, but nothing compared to the pain that had taken the place of my heart. She brought me back down on to her knee hard enough that I heard the sound of my bones breaking just before the entire lower half of my body went numb. She had broken my back and some ribs. It was hard to breath and I was fading in and out of darkness and I accepted that it was almost over. My delusion did not agree and he continued to yell at me to "stay awake", "don't give up". I would do anything for that voice and so over and over again I fought the blackness that wanted to take me, knowing that any minute it would win.

Just then the door to my apartment flew open, Beth and her husband seemed to appear in an instant. My mind was a chaotic mess, there sudden appearance did not make sense. The only thing I could think clearly was that they could not be here Victoria would kill them too. I tried to scream for them to leave, to get as far from here as possible, but I did not have enough oxygen in my lungs. I locked eyes with Beth and pleading with my eyes asked for her to understand that she needed to leave. Beth's eyes held terrible sadness that did not fit our situation or belong on her beautiful face. In the seconds it took for me to notice this I nearly missed her husband jumpiing on Victoria pulling her from my body. He had her pinned to the floor and with a move only a vampire could make Beth was at her neck biting.

I had managed to find another set of vampires to live by on my run. Would my life always be surrounded by the supernatural. Why did I always gravitate to them? I really did not have time to dwell on this I was losing my fight to stay in the here and now. Just as Edward yelled at me to stay with him and my eyes began to close I heard the sound of metal and stone being torn apart and I knew Victoria was no more. I could die in peace knowing that she could not hurt anyone else I loved.

I let my eyes close completely and waited to see what awaited me when I left this world. I knew it would not be heaven, for I knew if there was no Edward then it was not heaven.

I felt arms pick me up and move me, I did not know what the new vampires planned to do with me but I would not live through this. I was placed on something soft. "Father I can not let this be the end of her. I need to save her." Beth cried.

"Mother, we have never had a newborn of our kind." her husband had cried.

"I have to do this, I feel like it will be the same as when he died if I do not." she wailed. "What if it is our fault she was hurt. That woman could have come around because of our scent and Annabella was caught in the middle. Please understand I need her. I feel like she is my child. Can you love her like I have grown to love her." Beth pleaded with her husband.

My head swam, did she plan to care for me until I was better, nothing made sense. I was not going to live through the damage Victoria had brought me.

"You know it will not bring him back Beth, but if you feel she is your child I will not deny you. I will try to love her as you do." He promised. "I am going to finish with her attacker, do you need me to stay with you.?"

"You finish with the she-devil. I will be fine. My love for this child will guide me. I know this will work out." she sounded so confident in her tone.

I felt my lungs gasp for breath and knew that it would be one of my last. My heart was slowing and this would all be over.

"It's okay Bella, my child I am going to make it all better. I am sorry for the pain you will be in but I will be here with you." she whispered in my ear. That is when I felt it. Beth bit my neck and it started, first the burning in my neck then I felt it in my elbow, she had bit me again.


	6. Searching

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight; all original characters and plot are hers. All poetry is the property of the original author. The rest is mine.

A/N:

**Again I must say Thank you to all of you who have followed or favorite-d me. Thank you for the reviews. Please keep them coming.**

**So there was confusion with my last chapter, Beth gardens when there is vampire friendly weather; cloudy and overcast. That is also why Bella stays around the house. She does not want to be out when others can be wandering around easily looking for her. **

**And….As promised here is the Cullen POV.**

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><p>Chapter 6: Searching<p>

Combing the hallows  
>of my mind throughout<br>the ages galaxy to galaxy

Searching in the  
>darkest midnight<br>hour

Silently walking the  
>streets of life<br>searching for you.

_In Search Heather Burns_

I was hyperventilating on air I did not need. Bella was becoming one of us. I had seen her bitten by another vampire following a lethal attack from Victoria. I did not recognize the vampires that seemed to come to her aid and I was fearful of what they had in store. Edward was struggling to keep the family informed as he watched my thoughts. The family had gathered around both of us as the anxiety and despair consumed us. The attack had been brutal and when all hope was lost they were there to help. As we watched the last minutes of her transformation, hoping to figure out where we could find her my vision of her went blank.

"Alice, what happened." Edward panicked.

"I do not know." I whimpered. "She just disappeared. It was just like my visions, when we are near the werewolves but there were no wolves around her." We had recently learned this new limit of my talent during our hunt for Bella. I can not see werewolves and we are not sure why.

The last several weeks had everyone stretched to their limit. The family had already been trying to cope with our missing piece, when the vision of Bella fleeing from Forks struck and we have been trying to find her ever since.

When we left, Edward had instructed me not to look for Bella's future. He said she needed a human life without our interference. In my despair I could not resist looking for her, to get these glimpses of my sister were all I had left. At first I was very depressed when I would catch a glimpse of Bella, if I could catch a glimpse. There would just be grey space around her. She was existing and that was all she had decided to do. She was just there.

I was fearful for her when I saw her take the bikes, I did not try to see this future, it just came to me but I knew Bella and bikes were not a good combination. Bella was headed away from Forks when suddenly she disappeared. I panicked and Jasper and Edward surrounded me. Edward knew I was not looking for Bella when this vision happened. We were fearful, I decided to look further in the future and I wish I hadn't. Seeing her disappear Edward was going to head back to her. But when I saw her return to Charlie relatively safe later that day he changed his mind.

I wanted him to go back, how could he not see the path she was on was no good. I had also seen Edward make the decision to leave the family several times, but I knew the brief glimpses he saw of Bella was what was keeping him with us and so even though it hurt I continued to look for her.

Over the next few weeks I had several more visions of Bella disappearing and reappearing. Each time I would feel panicked until I could see her again. Once she returned after getting stitches. I had wanted to have Edward or even Carlisle check on her. I do not know what happened to her during the blank spots but I could see the end result and more than once she had an injury. Edward reminded me several times that she had been accident prone before we knew her. However each time he saw a bruise he believes he could have prevented his resolve wavered and so I continued looking for her.

As I looked for Bella this morning I had been unable to see her, what ever was keeping me from seeing her was already happening. When I looked further into the future expecting to see her crying or surrounded in grey as I usually did I was surprised when I saw her fly into the house in a panic. She packed all the clothes I had purchased for her. I only saw bits and pieces, portions of an incomplete plan. Jasper had gathered me in his arms with my rising emotions, while trying to send calming waves into the room as Edwards panic escalated as he watched my vision. I saw her writing letters. I saw her run from her home and head to ours. I flinched as Bella broke the back window to our home to gain entrance. The last segment of the vision I received was Bella purchasing a bus ticket.

We were living in Ithaca, New York when this happened as the vision ended Edward and I were already giving orders, running to the cars as we filled the family in on what we had seen. I did not see what had happened to set this in action, but this was not normal. Bella was running in fear and we needed to get to her.

We had been driving non stop and straight into the evening, hoping we would reach her before she left. Edward, who was driving the Volvo almost swerved off the road as a new segment of this vision played out in my mind. I saw her purchase two bus tickets to two different cities. She proceeded to climb through several different buses but not leave on one. Jasper was very proud of Bella for her evasive maneuvers. I had to calm Edward down as Jasper's thoughts upset him, reminding him no harm was meant only praise. I then saw her run for the airport, purchase a ticket headed to London. I was not sure where she was when she made these new decisions so we decided to head her off at the house.

we knew she had already been and left but her scent was fresh.

As we pulled up to the house in Forks, Jasper and Emmett were out of the cars before Edward and Carlisle could park them. From my visions we were pretty sure she was no longer at the house but we did not know what we would find. We also needed to look for any information or clues and we needed a minute to look for her future to determine our next move. As Jasper opened the front door both he and Emmett immediately went into defensive crouches. Edward hissed as he ran to his brothers side and it was only a second more before we figured out their reactions. We all could smell Bella's blood. It was not fresh and there was not a lot but it was still her blood. Carlisle took the lead into the house not sure of what we would find. The trail led us to the living room and that was where we saw the letter. Was it written to us? Had she left us a clue?

Esme sobbed when Carlisle picked it up and we all saw that it was addressed to Victoria. Why did Bella think Victoria was after her? She thought a vampire was after her and she was taunting them to come find her. What was she thinking? Edward had caught another faint trail of Bella and followed it up to his room. When he returned, the crushed look on his face reminded me of the day he left her.

"She believed me. She is running and she thinks I do not care for her." he whispered. "She will not try to find us for help."

Suddenly, Edward was seething next to Jasper. "What was that you just thought? She figured it out? Who figured what out." he screamed at Jasper.

Jasper was smug. "Your mate is a smart one Edward she always has been. There is no broken window because Bella figured out the security code was her birthday. You are the only one who caught her scent headed upstairs because she is your mate and the smell is more potent to you. We did not catch it because she tried to hide it. She used something from the closet because she found the bag I left her." he stated like it was no surprise.

Everyone except me was shocked by his last statement. I knew he had prepared her a bag but at the time I thought it was a silly sentimental act because I could not see a future when she would need it. I was so thankful for his insight now. My sister would have help in her escape because my mate had thought to provide it for her.

"What bag?" several family members yelled at the same time.

"Family does not give up on family and I told her so. I prepared the bag even though Alice did not see her needing it. I wrote Bella a letter and included money, keys and address to my truck in storage in Houston, and the identities we had prepared for her when we fled to Phoenix last year." he quietly explained to everyone.

Edward grabbed Jasper by the shoulder and we waited for his reaction to Jasper meddling with his mates life. "Thank you brother for helping her when I didn't." he offered quietly.

I gasped just then as suddenly all of our futures went completely blank. It was at the same time that the smell hit us. There was a werewolf headed straight to our home. It took only a moment for my brain to connect our futures to Bella's, we had just disappeared like she had. She had been in the company of werewolves while we were gone. I could not see them. Edward let out a small growl as he heard my thoughts. If he had known she was disappearing because she was with a werewolf he would have gone to her.

We quickly got into a protective formation as the wolf came closer to our home and I filled the rest of the family in on my discovery.

A man child broke through the front door just then. He was facial features were still young however they were in complete opposition to his body. He stood over six feet and looked like he spent hours in the gym. He was shaking as he locked eyes with us. "Where is she?" he seethed.

"Jacob, we do not know where she is. Alice got a vision of her running from Forks scared and we came to help. Do you know why she is running." Edward asked in a much more calm voice than I expected.

"Probably to escape her memories of you." Jacob sneered.

Edward winced in pain, no doubt from something he was seeing in Jacob's mind. "You told her about Victoria, she doesn't want anyone to get hurt. That is why she ran." Edward filled us in on Jacob's thoughts. "Did she give you any idea where she was running or how?" he pleaded with Jacob.

"Stay out of my head, bloodsucker. I don't know where she is headed and I wouldn't tell you if I did." Edward gave the family a nod telling us that he was telling the truth.

"Jacob, I am sorry she ran. I know you believe you can protect her. We really need to leave now. Good luck in your search for her. I really hope for both of you, that you find her soon." Edward said calmly and if the rest of us had not lived with him for at least the last fifty years we would have thought he had just went insane. We knew how much he needed Bella and he was not handing her over to a pack of werewolves. Edward must have made the decision then to head to the airport.

"We really need to leave now if we are going to make our return flight to Los Angeles." I said to the group. Everyone nodded and we exited the house with both letters from Bella. Leaving no evidence, other than her scent, that she had been in our home.

We headed to SeaTac airport Bella's flight had already taken off we would take the next flight to London. We stopped briefly in Seattle since I had seen no changes and we had left Ithaca with nothing. We grabbed a small bag and a couple of outfits for each person. If everyone stayed with the current plan we would land in London a couple hours after Bella. She had tried to make decisions of her plan once she landed in London but since she did not know the country she was going in kind of blind. This would make her vulnerable but we did not think anyone had figured out where she was as of yet and not knowing where she was would give us the chance to catch up with her.

As we waited to board the plane I was taken in another vision. Bella did not make her connecting flight. Something happened and she exited the airport. Bella had not made the decision to go to her destination so I was left to figure out where she was by what I saw in the visions. The only thing she has said was "Take me to the field." No one knew what that meant.

Her first decision was to go to McDonald's, this destination did not help. I watched and her next decision was Days Inn.

"Bella you are not helping. Go somewhere unique. You could be anywhere." I grumbled.

She had stayed in her room and looked at pictures. I had a tight smile and tried to hide the sob when she decided to thank me for her birthday the next time we saw each other. When she did go out she was just going with what came at her. She was not making decisions. This made it impossible to find her. When she made the decision to leave the hotel the flat she moved to also did not give away any details. We thought we caught a break when she headed to the library but you would be surprised at how many towns named Lincoln had libraries, McDonald's, and a Days Inn close by. When she went to the grocery store she selected a Walgreens. She was succeeding in blending in a little to well.

Having seen her make the decision to go to Houston after she left where ever it is she was. We headed there and made that camp unless we figured out where she was.

As time passed Edward got more and more frustrated, fearful for his Bella. Jasper was frustrated but that was because he felt Bella had lost her vigilance. She was not actively worried about the chase.

That changed suddenly and Bella was headed our way in 2 days to pick up the truck. I saw us seeing her and having a chance to explain everything to her and protect her. I was sure we crossed paths here in Houston when she came for the truck. My vision showed her leaving with us.

However Victoria changed that future for us. Just before the attack we had figured out Bella was in Chicago, something had spooked her and she was going to O'Hare International Airport, she was in Chicago the whole time. She had not made a definite decision of where she was headed. We would not make it to Chicago before she could get to the airport. We sat waiting to see if she would head here or if we would be on the move again. However that was not to be, when Bella returned to the flat Victoria came onto the scene. Edward collapsed from the grief of watching his mate in the hands of the monster. We had to get to her, we did not know if these images were happening now or if we had time to change them. Emmett lifted Edward to the car and placed him in the back seat. We took off as soon as her future changed, but I soon realized we would not make it in time. We continues through our sobs and devastation. We could not give up and we would track Victoria down and make her pay. I was devastated but I could not give up. That was when it happened two new vampires showed up in her future but they were fighting for Bella. I had not seen her make any new friends why were they there.

Bella was going to die from her injuries and Edward's body was wracked with dry sobs. I had not seen Bella make a decision to meet these vampires and did not know why they would involve themselves with the situation. I had watched struggling to hold on and remain focused. I could not lose my vision. Suddenly one of them bit into her neck. For only a second we worried that they were there to steal Victoria's meal, however the female vampire quickly moved to bite her again on her wrist. For reasons we did not know, they were changing her. I watched and relayed to my family as I saw them take her while she burned. We were all apprehensive and not sure how Edward would react. However Edward's breathing has slowed and he was reduced to only whimpering as Bella began to burn.

We continued on to Lincoln Park, Chicago. We would look for a trace and begin our search from there. Slowly Edward came around and began to plan to get his mate back. She was a vampire and there was no reason to be away from her now. He wavered from self loathing and anger at himself for leaving her to this fate and joy that she was part of his world and that they could be together. Edward and I kept everyone aware of the few visions we had from Bella during the change. Carlisle was so proud when she was so determined to not be a human drinker. Everyone sobbed as Bella resolved and tried to hold on to her memories of us. We would find her and help her through this and our family would be complete.

That was when she vanished.

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><p><strong>Please let me know what you think.<strong>


	7. Burning

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight; all original characters and plot are hers. All poetry is the property of the original author. The rest is mine.

* * *

><p>AN:

**Thank you, Thank you! All of you who have followed or favorite-d me. **

**Thank you for the reviews. Please keep them coming.**

**All of the BOLD print is direct quotes from the books. **

* * *

><p>All but Death, can be Adjusted—<br>Dynasties repaired—  
>Systems—settled in their Sockets—<br>Citadels—dissolved—

Wastes of Lives—resown with Colors  
>By Succeeding Springs—<br>Death—unto itself—Exception—  
>Is exempt from Change—<p>

All but Death, can be Adjusted - _Emily Dickinson_

Chapter 7: Burning

I could not remember when the burning had started, maybe it had always been there. Though it felt like I had been burning for an infinite amount of time I some how knew that this had not been my entire existence but I could not pinpoint or concentrate on any event before the burning. I knew nothing but burning. I could not tell you where my body was or if I ever had one. I was a mass, a conscious heap of pain with no form, with no reason, only pain. Each instance I thought the endless pain had reached its apex and could get no hotter it seemed that the flames would be fanned and get hotter. The only change except the increase in the scourging blaze was when my pain had **doubled. The lower half of my body was suddenly on fire. Some broken connection had been healed-knitted together by the scorching fingers of the flame. The endless burn raged on.**

**It could have been seconds or days, weeks or years, but eventually time came to mean something again. **

**I could now think through the pain. I could hear sounds and focus on what they were. The pain had not dimmed in the slightest but I discovered I could think around it. **I had no reference for time but I understood the concept of time passing. Listening for a way to determine the passage of time I was able to focus on the sounds around me. I could hear someone screaming, growling and snarling between gasps and hissing. I was so disconnected from myself that it startled me that I was the one making those sounds. As the realization dawned I tried to contain it but was only mildly successful. Still yelping and groaning but unable to contain the screams each time the heat flared.

When I was able to focus beyond anything other than my pains and screams I could hear a constant thrumming sound, I could tell that I was laid out across something, and I had the sensation that even though I was not moving I was being moved and as soon as I placed the references together I knew I was in a vehicle. Though the word seemed abstract at the moment I knew that was what it was.

As I was finally able to put a name to my whereabouts I was able to focus on other noises. Suddenly I felt a pressure on one of my extremities and it did not diminish the heat but did not add to it either. It was then that I heard someone other than my own screams and it appears they were trying to comfort someone. Who I was not sure. "Shh, Shh, It will be fine my dear. You will feel better soon. I am sorry but this was the only way to save you." a female voice cooed. Who was this woman and who was she trying to save. The voice sounded musical and familiar but the memory of its owner danced at the edge of my mind. It sounded better than a chorus of angels. "Father, do you think she will be alright?" she whispered.

"Beth," as soon as the man spoke an image of a woman appeared in my mind. I knew it was Beth. She had been nice to me. "Mother you worry too much. Bella," I was Bella as soon as he spoke my name my mind and soul remembered myself. My body, my form, my mind. "She will be fine. She will take the same three days," what would take three days? "You and I took. You will see, this is normal. I know you have never seen another change, "what change had they gone through?" But I watched you and this is the same." The man spoke trying to comfort her.

I tried to place what the man said together. I would change and the change would take three days. As soon as I had placed the thought in that order, I was taken into memories.

**"I was born in Chicago in 1901."** Edward's musical voice said. Edward was mine. **"Carlisle,**" Carlisle was Edward's adoptive father, my second father. **"found me in hospital in the summer of 1918, and dying of the Spanish influenza"**

**"I do remember how it felt, when Carlisle saved me. It's not an easy thing, not something you could forget. For me it was merely very, very painful."** Merely painful, this was beyond any explanation. Words like excruciating, harrowing, and tortuous did not adequately describe the hell I was experiencing in being changed into a vampire. As soon as the thought was through I knew that is what was happening and like that there was no barrier from the hell I was going through and my previous life. I had been human and I was now becoming a vampire.

As clear as day I knew I was being changed into a vampire. What I now realized I had once wanted, what seemed like a life time ago was actually happening. But it was happening without Edward. Why wasn't he here? Then the horrible memory played out and I was helpless to look away.

**"Come for a walk with me."** He said in my memory he was void of all emotion. **"Bella, we're leaving." **

I knew what was to come. I was not part of the 'we' but I could not stop the memory. **"When you say we-," **my already ragged breathing hitched. **"Okay, I'll come with you." **The rest of the memory played out and the pain that had taken residence in my chest was now joined by the pain of my shattered heart. **"You... don't...want me?"**

**"No"**

Edward did not want me and I did not want forever without him. I did not just want to be a vampire, and immortal, it did not mean anything without him. Again I was given no choice. Victoria had attacked me. Beth, my landlord had saved me. Beth and her husband had saved me. It was then that I realized that must be the man that was comforting her.

"It is okay my child." I realize now she is talking to me. "You will be amazing, don't worry. You are becoming like my husband and I. We will be a family." Beth wanted to be a family with me.

Could I let that happen? Could I even try? Did I have a choice? She did not know yet how unlovable I was. So much so that to my own father I was a mere roommate, in charge of laundry, housework, and meal preparation, which was a considerable step up from my mother. My mother who loved herself above all else, letting me be the adult while she was allowed to be the perpetual teenager, with no one to keep her in check, often leaving me without essentials like electricity. Then there was my other vampire family, the one who had left. I had loved them without restraint, without judgment, and with my whole heart and there was a time I believed they felt the same for me, but they had all left me. Could these vampires replace what I lost? I had already decided that I did not want to die and I would need help. I would be part of their coven because I had been given no choice.

Suddenly panic over took me, what if they were not vegetarian vampires? What would I do then? I could not, would not feed from humans. From what I remember it was not a common lifestyle amongst vampires. Could I get them to change their diet? Would they let me live how I wanted if it was not their way? Would they send me on my way like everyone else? These thoughts circled around in my mind until I had to concede that there was nothing I could do while I continued to burn. If I woke to discover they were human drinkers, I would figure it out then. If I had to I would run. I am not sure if I could get away from them but I would not sit by while they killed innocent people. I loved and respected my first vampire family too much to give into that side of my nature.

Sometime during my screams and thoughts we had stopped driving. I had again been placed on something soft. I could feel someone stroking my hand that Victoria had crushed. I could move my fingers and make a first. I could use it. It would not be useless in this life. The fire that burned me had healed it along with my broken spine. At that moment I remembered that Esme; my mind instantly filled with an amazing women who had reminded me of a fairytale mother who had just walked off the storybook pages; had also had severe injuries when she was changed and they had all been healed, my vampire mom was perfect. It was then that I also remembered Rosalie; a beautiful statuesque women; and Edward; with beautiful copper hair all in disarray, his charming crooked smile; telling me how human memories fade and I did not want to forget anything so I spent the rest of the burn blocking out the words of comfort Beth continued to repeat and dwelled on repeating my human memories in my mind so that they would be forever there in my vampire mind.

I wanted them to be as clear as possible so I replayed as much of my life as I could remember over and over in my head each time remembering another small detail or story that would eventually be lost if I did not remember it now. I took extra care to remember everything about my hair brained mother Renee; I had looked like her and was saddened that after the change those similarities may be gone. I remembered my quiet mannered father Charlie; who I got the dark chestnut color of my hair from. My personal sun Jacob; his beautiful copper skin and silk black hair. I remembered the perfect love of my vampire mother Esme, the constant compassion not to be rivaled in all of history of my vampire dad Carlisle; who I once considered looking better than any movie star. The tenacity and loyalty of his sister Rosalie, and the playfulness and kindness hidden by his curly dark hair and huge muscles of my teddy bear big brother Emmett. I thought of Jasper; lean and masculine with honey blond hair that hung to his chin, who I had not known well but I knew he was caring, loyal, and wise and even though he had tried to attack me I knew he would defend me as family. **"You are worth it."** He was the one after all who had helped the most in my run from Forks whether he knew it or not and I would always be in his debt. I then thought of Alice me pixie sister, small in the extreme with short, spiky, ink black hair; with her energy, her perpetual happiness, and her love of fashion, I would miss her.

I saved Edward for last. I let myself think of Edward now because I could not bear to think of an existence where I did not know him, or remember him. I replayed everything about him over and over in my mind. I replayed memories of him playing the piano for me. I remember how he dazzled me. I remembered everything I could and though I tried not to think about it again I remembered when he broke my heart and even though my vampire mind could look at the memory and instantly recognize something was off, I did not know what it was but I did not want all my memories of him to be coated in sadness so I focused on the good times. The way his kisses had left me breathless. How much I enjoyed Prom when I was sure I would hate it. Our meadow, it was my favorite memories and as the flames started to retreat, I realized I was no longer screaming, I would spend these last minutes of torture in our meadow with memories of him. It was my favorite place and always would be.

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><p><strong>Please let me know what you think. Thank you for the reviews.<strong>


	8. Awakening

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight; all original characters and plot are hers. All poetry is the property of the original author. The rest is mine.

* * *

><p>AN:

SO SO SORRY FOR THE DELAY IN POSTING WITH THE HELP OF MY LAPTOP THE LAST CHAPTER WAS LOST DURING MY FINAL EDITING AND I HAD TO START OVER. Now everything summaries and drafts have been backed up on a flash drives.

**Thank you, Thank you! All of you who have followed or favorite-d me. **

**Thank you for the reviews. Please keep them coming.**

**All of the BOLD print is direct quotes from the books. **

* * *

><p>Ye, who sometimes, in your rambles<br>Through the green lanes of the country,  
>Where the tangled barberry-bushes<br>Hang their tufts of crimson berries  
>Over stone walls gray with mosses,<br>Pause by some neglected graveyard,  
>For a while to muse, and ponder<br>On a half-effaced inscription,  
>Written with little skill of song-craft,<br>Homely phrases, but each letter  
>Full of hope and yet of heart-break,<br>Full of all the tender pathos  
>Of the Here and the Hereafter;<br>Stay and read this rude inscription,  
>Read this Song of Hiawatha!<p>

Song of Hiawatha – _Henry Wadsworth Longfellow_

Chapter 8: Awakening

As I woke to this life I was startled by the clarity of everything I was seeing. I could see each rise, minute crack, and dent in the plaster in the ceiling above me. I could the delicate knots and connections of the small spider web in the corner of the room. I could see each line of sun that created the ray the entered from the window and traveled across the room. I could clearly see the separation in all the colors of the spectrum. There were colors I had never seen before that I had no name for yet. I could see each speck dust as it danced and orbited around each other as they floated in the sky. I could track each piece as my first breath created a vortex of movement.

It was disconcerting when I suddenly realized how clearly I could hear each breath as it traveled through my new body. As I stopped focusing on the one sound I instantly could hear the subtle shift in the leaves as a gentle breeze swept pass the home. I could hear the rodents that traveled in the brush nearby and the small insects that gathered around the foundation of this home. I was became distracted by the rhythmic pounding of some bird to the south of where ever I currently was.

The heightened sense that I was not really prepared for was smell but it was more than that, it was like both smell and taste had joined together and became stronger. There was no way anyone could prepare you for this strong overload to mind. I could smell the aged pine that framed the home. I could smell the slight decaying of the ever changing forest floor. The stale linens that I lay upon had a soft lemon smell from some cleaning that had to have been quite some time ago. To my right I could smell a combination of cedar and peppermint, with some other sweet spice that I could not place but they blended together perfectly. There was also an orange blossom and lavender smell that held the same sweet spice that even though they were different they also blended together to make the sweetest smell.

As I took in a deeper breath trying to gather more of the sweet smells, my throat tickled and I raised my hand to cup my neck trying to ease the discomfort and that was when I heard the gasp. It was close, too close.

Without a clear demand from my brain I had already sprung from my prone position landing in the opposite direction of the other entity in the room. Simultaneously as the balls of my feet touched down my body lurched into a defensive crouch and a hiss escaped from my between my clenched teeth. In the three seconds it took me to achieve this new position I was able to determine that I was in a room about the size of the room I had in Forks. There was a large window to the right and smaller one behind me. To the left were two doors. One smaller probably the closet and the other going the rest of the house.

In front of the second door was a large male with defined jaw and nose with almost perfect angles. He was the owner of the cedar and peppermint smell. Shifted slightly behind him was a female with pouty lips and auburn air. The orange and lavender scent belonged to her. Both of their eyes were deep topaz with flecks of black.

"Bella," the female whispered in a questioning tone.

It only took another moment for my mind to register, this was Beth. Beth had saved me from Victoria. Beth bit me. She made me a vampire. Connecting with her eyes again relief washed over me as my brain instantly associated their eyes to their choice in diet. It seemed that as soon as realized who was before me and I was in no immediate danger I was out of my defensive crouch, not remembering that I had made the decision to move. Even though I felt like I was out of immediate danger, I was not sure what was expected of me. I made an audible swallow trying to clear the persistent agitation in my throat and nodded to Beth.

Beth went to cross the room to me but was stopped by the male vampire so she addressed me from her position standing in front of him. "Do you remember who I am, Bella. My name is Beth." I nodded my response. "This is my husband Tony, Bella." she was addressing me like a small child or a scared animal and both of the descriptions seemed to be appropriate at the time to me.

Looking very tense Beth began to speak and I could hear the tightness in her voice. "Bella, I don't know what you remember dear. You were at the house and someone attacked you." Beth looked at me and it took a moment for me to realize that she was waiting for me to acknowledge if I did in fact remember, I gave her a quick nod and she continued. "I am so sorry Bella, so so sorry Bella. I did not realize having a person near us would end like this." I was lost what was she sorry for. She had saved me from Victoria when no one else could. "Bella, I had thought having someone around the house would make it looked more lived in, more normal. I did not realize having you so close to us would attract others of our kind." It finally clicked she like my other vampires thought that she had attracted the vampire to me. This was even less true for Beth than it was for them. "I would never let this happen to you on purpose you have to know that. Please-"

I had to cut her off she could not continue to hold this guilt. "Beth," I spoke a little to loudly, at everyone's flinch I began again. "Beth, it was not your fault that Victoria attacked me. Please do not blame yourself." Tony and Beth both seemed taken aback at my identification of the vampire. As I waited for one of them to respond I noticed a scratchy sensation in the back of my throat that seemed to only get worse.

Tony was the first recover. "You knew who your attacker was?" He looked at me wearily. I nodded and tried to swallow to soothe the steadily growing discomfort. "You knew this Victoria that attacked you?" he asked but continued without an answer. "She, she knew who you were before you came to our home? She is, was a..." he trailed off.

So I supplied the answer, "Vampire."

Both gasped but this time Beth was the first to speak. "You knew what she was?"

As soon as I nodded my reply, Tony hissed and pulled Beth behind him. I was scared why would he react this way, just for knowing Victoria. As soon as I had the thought, I also had my answer. I had been a human who had known too much. As my anxiety increased so did the burn in my throat. I again tried to swallow the discomfort and a small whimper escaped. Beth went to move in front of her husband and he released a growl or warning.

"Tony." She scolded him but his defenses did not drop and he did not let her move from his shelter. "She is in pain, Tony. She is thirsty. We need to help."

"Beth, she was a human that knew about vampires." he said indignantly. "We could have interrupted a punishment. We could have brought a lot of trouble to ourselves." I knew I was trouble, and a burden to be around but I was afraid of being alone now. "You have seen them Beth, they are not forgiving. They will not wait to find out that we did not know. Do you want to face that over her?"

I knew who the 'them' he referred to were. He had a health respect for the Volturi and so I had developed one as well. "Victoria was not with the Volturi." I shouted. "I promise. No one else was with her. She was coming after me she wanted only me." I cried.

Tony looked shaken to the core. "You know of the Volturi, too? How is this possible?" I understood Tony he wanted to protect his mate. His voice climbing steadily. "Tell me now how you know so much?"

I was not sure if I could tell them how I knew. I could not tell them for fear of the pain it would cause. I could not tell them because I could not stand it if I got them in trouble because they left me alive knowing the secret. I could not let them know how truly unlovable I was, they would leave me too. At that time my body betrayed me further when the tightness of emotion in my throat made it burst into flames. I raised my hand to cup my neck in a fools attempt to find relief.

Again moved to come toward me, Tony holding her back. "Anthony." she rebuked, not noticing my flinch at his full name. "She is thirsty. I trust her enough to wait for answers until she has sated her thirst. You remember the pain and discomfort. I will not sit here and make her uncomfortable." She finished sounding like a defensive mother bear. With a stiff nod he released Beth and she slowly approached me. "Bella, your throat hurts because you need to hunt." I nodded my understanding. "As you know you are a vampire now. However my husband and I do not live a traditional vampire life style." she continued on sounding unsure. "We do not live like most of our kind some things are very different and we request that you follow our ways as well. A key difference you see." she hesitated making me unsure of where this was going. "We do not adhere to the expected vampire diet." she hesitated again. From looking in her eyes I already knew they were 'vegetarians'

Wanting to put Beth at ease I finished for her, "You hunt animals not humans." There were simultaneous gasps from both Tony and Beth. "I assure I want to follow your diet as well."

"How- How did you know?" Beth stuttered.

It was obvious wasn't it "Your eyes." I answered, not being able to contain my whimper.

"We will hunt first, then we need some answers." Tony instructed, as I looked at the mask he wore hiding his emotions, I let out a whimper that had nothing to my thirst but with the memory of another vampire who could so easily hide.

"We had to move you out of the city during your change. So we are now in the middle of the forest" At Beth's explanation, I was instantly bombarded with visions the Olympic Peninsula and my body locked down of its own accord. Noticing my reaction Beth hurried to complete her explanation. "We are in Hiawatha National Forest, inside Michigan bordered by Lake Michigan and Lake Superior. So we are not near any populated areas." I instantly relaxed and no one was the wiser to the real reason of my freak out.

"We will run a few minutes from here and once we have reached one of our usual hunting spots, I will run a check for any humans in the area. Beth will wait with you. Bella vampires do not react well if the feel threatened when feeding. Just being to close can set us off. Do you understand Bella?" Tony asked pointedly. Upon my nod he continued. "In the area we leave you to hunt we will run perimeter checks. If you run, I will come after you." His voice threatening.

"I won't run." I promised. I couldn't stand the idea of being alone again.

At that Tony gave Beth a nod an she reached her hand out to me. I took and let her lead me. As we left the room I could see that the home was a roomy cottage, not massive like other vampire homes I had seen. I could only see a portion of the home as we exited and I imagined a picturesque scene pulled straight from Better Homes and Gardens. When we reached the outdoors it was better. Tony looking extremely tense led our party into the surrounding woods. Beth kept hold of my hand and tugging me as I took my first full speed vampire steps. She encouraged just as a mother would any child taking her first steps. Focusing on Beth and her joy kept my mind from wandering to deeply into the last time I had felt these speeds. We had only traveled for a little more than three minutes when we had stopped, but we had gone an additional twenty miles into the forest.

"Bella I am going to a quick check to make sure there is no one around and then you can hunt." Tony said and took off into the dense oak trees.

"Bella, dear. When we hunt, we give ourselves over to our senses. Govern less with our minds. Especially our sense of smell. It is quite easy. Instinctual." She was giving me the only instructions she knew to give me. "You will be less distracted if you run until you smell something that appeals to you, then center yourself, close your eyes if you must and listen and breathe deep, then your instincts will kick in. Understand?" Beth asked gently.

"Yes, thank you." I mumbled.

Tony returned just as we had finished speaking. "Remember what I said Bella."

"We will try to keep our distance during your hunt but if you need anything, we won't be far. Okay dear?" Beth encouraged.

I stood in the small clearing for several moments not sure where but as I concentrated on the burn it became too over whelming to ignore. I started with taking a few deep breaths and began moving at a quick human pace. After a couple of minutes I came across a tantalizing smell and ran in the direction the wind had carried it from. I was surprised when I came upon a pack of coyotes. I was able to grab one and it was drained immediately, leaving me wildly craving more however the pack had scattered. I took off looking for the more knowing a I was not fully sated when I came across a more musky smell. The loud thud of the beasts' heart told me it was larger than the coyote but not as appealing. I moved slowly not wanting to scare away another meal. When I moved to look over a rock out cropping I was awarded with a heard of deer. Without a conscious thought I leapt from the rock snapping the spines of two and quickly latched my neck on to the third. I think I finally understood what he had tried to tell me so long ago about not thinking and just acting when we hunted.

Suddenly I was swept into a very clear memory and I could not stop it.

** "Why did you to that Goat Rocks place last week?"**

** "Bears..."**

** "Grizzly is Emmett's favorite" **

** "What's your favorite?" **

** "Mountain lion"**

** "You should be able to visualize Emmett hunting "**

** "Early summer is Emmett's favorite bear season - They're just coming out of hibernation, so they **

** are ****more irritable." **

** "Nothing more fun than an irritated grizzly bear." **

** "More like a lion, or so they tell me, perhaps our preferences are indicative." **

** "Is that something I might be able to see?"**

** "Absolutely not!"**

I would never get to see him hunt. I was stronger less fragile but I would never get to see him. I sank to the forest floor pushing my last kill away from me forcefully. My vision blurred and my eyes prickled as I a sob ripped from chest. I am not sure how long I laid there letting the misery take me, but I was still a heap curled in on myself when Tony and Beth found me.


	9. The Truth

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight; all original characters and plot are hers. All poetry is the property of the original author. The rest is mine.

A/N:

**Again I must say Thank you to all of you who have followed or favorite-d me. Thank you for the reviews. Please keep them coming.**

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><p>Tell all the truth but tell it slant,<br>Success in circuit lies,  
>Too bright for our infirm delight<br>The truth's superb surprise;

As lightning to the children eased  
>With explanation kind,<br>The truth must dazzle gradually  
>Or every man be blind.<p>

**Tell All The Truth **_Emily Dickinson_

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><p>Chapter 9: The Truth<p>

"Bella, Bella, honey what is wrong." Beth cooed in a motherly anxious tone as she dropped to her knees beside me. "Father, what is wrong with her? What is happening?" I hated to be the reason for her panic but I could not pull myself from my misery long enough to extinguish her fears or explain my current state.

I was unsure if I would ever want to tell them how unlovable and broken I am. I had once dreamed that I would be part of a family and now I had a coven. As much as it hurt my heart still longed for that family. I remembered Beth wanted us to be a family, she said so during my change, but agreeing to it felt like I was betraying them. I knew I might be with Tony and Beth for eternity but if I had learned anything from my previous life, probably not. They would see I was not worth it and give up.

I did not know if I could trust them the way I had once trusted. It wasn't that Beth and Tony had done anything to hurt me, without them I would be dead, well deader but I was not ready to trust yet. With my heart gone I am not sure I would ever be ready for anything again.

"I am not sure, mother." Tony answered, then addressed me "Bella, I know this is all new to you. We can help you. Let's get you home and we can talk about everything. I know you are confused but we will take care of you." Tony's words were stilted and forced but he was trying.

"Mother, you take Bella back to the house. I will take care of the deer and be right behind. Bella is it okay if Beth takes you home? You will be safe with her." I nodded my reply but made no move and was startled when Beth picked me up and carried me. I melted into her embrace trying to absorb the motherly love she was projecting but my fears would not allow it.

I did not know what to expect of myself in this life, my vampires always acted so human around me. Right now I felt on the edge of a breakdown or a freak out but it seemed like my brain could handle both at the same time even if my body couldn't. Beth kept whispering to me, what I am sure were words of comfort but I was still inside my head. I had held to my memories because I didn't want to forget and now as the familiar pain rippled the edges of my now silent heart I wished I had not remembered at all. I was not aware of when we had reached the house and I am not sure how long they had let me sit on the couch lost in my sobs but I felt they surely had to be growing inpatient for a response. So I forced myself to be in the present, pushing my memories to the back of my mind. I began worrying my bottom lip while I waited for them to demand answers. I briefly remembered doing this in my human life when I was nervous.

As they saw me finally coming out of my thoughts, Tony began "Bella, we have been in your place and we know that it can be difficult to adjust to this new life." They had interpreted my meltdown as result to being changed. "But it seems you knew something about this life before. Can you tell us what you know?" Toni asked gently.

"I, I knew a fam-, family," I stuttered. Taking a deep breath I continued "I knew a coven in the last town I lived in. I figured out what they were and once they knew, I knew they were their normal selves around me." I answered.

"They are not supposed to let those that know about our kind live. What did you know about their normal selves." he asked apprehensively.

If I wanted to be able to talk to them without falling apart I needed to not think of them specifically, keep it clinical. "They had inhuman speed, strength. They did not eat, or sleep. We sparkle in the sun light."

"Bella, keep going, what else do you know?" he pressed. He needed answers but I couldn't tell them everything, not yet at least.

"They were unnaturally beautiful, incredibly smart, and never aging" I wanted to let this go. They could teach me whatever they wanted.

"Bella, what are you not telling us? You know more." Tony now had an edge to his voice.

I was frustrated how did he know I knew more. I felt like he was implying I was lying and I knew I wasn't being open but it hurt to much I could not talk about it. I wasn't lying, not yet, anyway. "Nothing." I mumbled.

"You're lying." - And there it was - Tony seethed. He was angry with me and I did not want that to be how we were. I did not want them to know how unlovable I was. I was not ready to be open. It wasn't about lying it was just not something I could talk about. How did he know if I knew more or not? "We saved you and you repay us by lying." he raged.

I flinched back from what he said. I did not know what to say or do. They hated me and I would be alone again. I did not want to be alone. I was afraid and my body did not know what to do. "I, I , I..." I stuttered as I looked defensively for a way to escape.

"Bella" Beth soothed "You are safe now and you can tell us anything. We are here to help you. Were you being attacked because of what you know." she was trying to be helpful, to give me the benefit of the doubt. She was patient and kind like my other vampire mother and once the thought crossed my mind, I fell apart.

"No. NO. I can't" I sobbed. "I can't tell you everything, it hurts. I was not being attacked because of what I know. I promise, no one is going to come after me, it was just her. I promise." I continued to sob and Beth pulled me into her arms. I am not sure how long I cried but they gave me time before they tried again.

"Bella, we want to help you but you need to be honest with us." Tony had calmed and was speaking to me as if I was a small child and I guess to this life I was. "Bella, I don't know what you are not telling us, but I have a gift. Do you know what vampire gifts are?" I nodded my head, so he continued "Bella I can tell when someone is being honest with me or not, but beyond that I can also tell when someone is not telling me everything or is hiding something from me. I do not know what people are hiding but that they are. Do you understand?" Again I nodded. I was going to have to tell him everything and I couldn't. They were going to make me leave. "Bella, we understand that there are something's that are too painful to share with others. Beth and I have things that we are not ready to open up about either. We have a long time to get to that point, but we need to have some information. Do you think you can do that? Be a little more open with us, tell us which topics are to harrowing to talk about. Unless it is imperative to know we will let it go. Maybe someday we will all feel like we can talk about those things that truly sadden and frighten us." Again I nodded to Tony. I could do that, I would make myself do that. "Okay, why don't you start about how you found out about the vampires." Quickly feeling like this is how parents should act and realizing I never had that with my own I winced.

"I moved to a small town, on my first day of school there was a group of students who did not fit in and they were very beautiful. I was always observant as a human and I noticed things that first day. It was not then that I knew. It took a while, but between discovering some local legends and the fact that one of the vampires exposed their true nature to save me I eventually did figure it out. The person who attacked me was after vengeance. Her mate was killed by the other vampires when they protected me. The other vampires had to move on and I was left alone. When I found out that Victoria was after me, I didn't want anyone to get hurt so I ran. That is when I moved into your apartment. I didn't know you were vampires, I wasn't trying to bring you any trouble." I rushed hurrying to finish my story quietly and waited for their reaction.

"Bella, we know nothing that happened was your fault. Fate, maybe but not your fault." Beth replied gently as she brushed my hair from my face. I melted into her side and let her comfort me.

"Bella, thank you for being honest with me. Can I ask you a few questions? If it is too painful you do not have to answer, Okay." Tony asked and I nodded. I would try to answer.

"Do you know why they saved you?" he asked, and at one time I thought I knew the answer but now I have no idea why and that hurt.

"I am not sure. I used to think I knew but it is to painful to think about." I whispered.

Tony nodded and continued. "What legends did you hear that helped you figure out about vampires?"

Talking about the pack was easy. "A friend of mine who is Native American, thought all of his tribes legends were mere superstitions, so he told me the legends about the 'Cold Ones' after one of his friends had confirmed that the tribe did not like this other family. Imagine his surprise that not only were those legends true but so were the ones about his tribe being werewolves." I chucked the last bit and was about to continue when both Beth and Tony gasped.

"You are friends with werewolves? Do you know how dangerous they are? A child of the moon? They left you unharmed even during the full moon?" Tony was shooting questions rapidly.

"Yes I was friends with the pack, they had protected me from Victoria. I didn't want any of them to get hurt or killed because of me. I am not sure what you mean by the moon. My friends could change anytime. Not just during the full moon. They changed to protect people. They were first spirit warriors, then they started taking the shape of wolves to fight threats to their tribe." I defended my friendship with Jacob and the others even though I knew it was over.

Tony chuckled and I gave him a curious look. "You are friends with shape shifters, not real werewolves. I am sure they think that is what they are but they are not true werewolves. However they are still dangerous and can be unpredictable, especially when they are young or angry." I am not sure what the difference was but I knew I had time to learn but not right now. I just nodded hoping he would understand that I was done talking right now. "Bella, thank you for telling us what you could. It is obvious that this all is still very fresh and hurts deeply. We are here for you now." Tony said as he moved to sit next to Beth and for a while we just sat there. For a brief moment I let the image of us one day being a family, maybe not like my last family but some kind of family. However I winced at the pain and guilt of replacing them, so I focused on the comfort Beth was offering and tried to stay in the moment.

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><p>Please let me know what you think – Thank you!<p> 


	10. Finding Balance

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight; all original characters and plot are hers. All poetry is the property of the original author. The rest is mine.

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><p>AN:

Sorry for the delay. After the trouble with lost chapters I got a little discouraged, but I am back on it.

**Thank you, Thank you! All of you who have followed or favorite-d me. As I have read on Fanfiction I never realized how awesome it is to get reviews and I did not give them out often. I am much more liberal with them now. I am also going to try to reply to each of my reviews because they really keep me motivated to keep going. **

**Thank you for the reviews. Please keep them coming.**

**All of the BOLD print is direct quotes from the books. **

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><p>My heart is heavy with many a song<br>Like ripe fruit bearing down the tree,  
>But I can never give you one -<br>My songs do not belong to me.

Yet in the evening, in the dusk  
>When moths go to and fro,<br>In the gray hour if the fruit has fallen,  
>Take it, no one will know.<p>

My Heart Is Heavy – _Sara Teasdale_

**Chapter 10 – Finding Balance**

The first week after my disastrous first hunt and conversation was a futile attempt at trying to make sense of the chaos that was a newborn vampire. One of my new companions tried to always be with me. They would alternate and one of them would take me hunting each day, checking the area for humans before setting me loose. They were always there to help clean up the carcasses. They were patient with me as I was easily distracted and gave me space as my train of thoughts often led me to memories that tore me apart. Even thinking of distractions to keep me from remembering had not been safe.

_**"Well" -he hesitated for a short second- "I won't forget. But my kind... we're very easily distracted."**_

The flashbacks came on quickly and without warning and the sobs seemed to be the only activity that could consume me for more than a few minutes.

The only time I was close to alone was when I went to my room. Thanks to my improved hearing I knew they heard me every time I sobbed but they did not press for more information. Tony would give me a sympathetic look and a nod and Beth could not help herself she would always run to hold me, she would stroke my hair but she never asked anymore questions and I was glad for that.

For the most part I had held it together that first week, I had fed and cried. That I ended when I realized I had been the same clothes for just over a week. I was still in the close Victoria had attacked me and that I changed in. There was small drops of blood from the first couple of hunts. I was going to ask Beth about clothing when I noticed my bags. I was surprised that they had thought to grab them. I lifted the suitcase to the bed and was not prepared to see the contents that had been shoved on top as I was running. The first glimpse of his picture and it came crashing down. Every little memory that I had fought to keep at bay was there in my mind. In a matter of seconds my vampire mind was able to run through thousands of images of my lost love and his family. I was able to live through several small scenes and hear whispered words.

As the tidal wave hit I wanted to destroy everything. I wanted to rip the non-beating heart from my chest. I looked at the pictures for only a moment and though my hands wanted to tear each one into tiny unrecognizable scraps I could not do it, it was all I had left of them. As much as I wanted to forget the pain I knew memories from my human life may fade and I needed what I could have of him. As I stared on at the contents of the bag I could feel my hold on my sanity slip. I was hurt and my new body did not know how to handle such strong emotions. I knew I wanted to destroy what they left behind but just could not do it. I settled for destroying the room instead. I grabbed a chair and raised it above my head bringing it to the ground, shattering in into millions of tiny splinters. Next I grabbed the mirror from the wall and repeated the action. Remembering all the times Edward had stayed with me in my bed, I tore the mattress in shreds sending foam and batting everywhere. I broke apart each part of the frame until only saw dust remained. It only took a matter of a minutes for everything to be ruined and somewhere in my large vampire brain I thought Beth and Tony would be mad at me and at the same instant I knew they would forgive me. I fell to the corner of the room and sobbed the pain in my chest from seeing the perfect man who I once thought loved me, a love I was sure I would not feel again. He had taken my heart with him and left only a hole where my beating heart had once been.

After I was done with my tantrum, I quickly grabbed everything from my bags, the money, the pictures, Jasper's letter, and the CD, even the clothes. I shoved it in the suitcase and put it in the back of my closet. Then I went to the bathroom, showered, I would just where the same clothes until I could get more. When I exited the shower there was a change of clothes on the counter. A simple pair of jeans and a tee shirt. When I returned to my room Beth had already cleaned everything up, removing all evidence that I had finally lost it. Shortly after Tony returned with new furnishings for the room. Neither of them said anything or wanted an explanation. When I saw the new bed I quickly disassembled it and placed it outside my room. When I left my room again it was gone. They did not bring up hunting or anything and for two days the house was quiet. I retreated to my room where I would curl up in the oversized chair Tony had replaced and just stared unfocused at the walls.

Beth was the first one to approach me after the meltdown, "Bella, would you care to hunt today? Your throat must be hurting."

In truth until Beth had said something the pain in my chest was over shadowing any discomfort in my throat but now that I was focusing on it the pain was slowly starting to burn.

As we left she was slower more sedate and it was apparent she had something on her mind. "Bella, I am so sorry for the pain I have caused you" she began. I was lost, what pain had she caused me, she had saved me. Beth had never done anything that I was not appreciative for. Continuing Beth went on "When I heard and saw the vampire attack you, I didn't think. I had to save you. It felt excruciating to lose you. You had already taken place in my heart Bella. I cannot explain it, but you already felt like one of my children and I could not watch another one," she trailed off in a sob. "Bella I am sorry that you are not happy"

I had to stop this, she thought I was upset at her for changing me. "Oh Beth, I am so sorry. I am not upset with you. I appreciate you saving me from Victoria. I am so sorry that I made you feel like I did not want you to save me," a sob got stuck in my throat and stopped me from comforting her.

"But Bella you are always upset, you are in so much pain." she worried. "We know your past hurts but if you live with that pain all the time." she trailed off.

"I am in pain Beth, I didn't realize how much I was effecting you I am so sorry." I sobbed. "It hurts and I do not know how to move past it. I lost someone that I thought was going to be there forever. He broke my heart and I thought maybe this would change things but it hasn't and my heart still hurts." By this time Beth had put her arms around me and we had shifted to the forest floor. I sat with my head in her lap and she rubbed my back soothingly.

"Bella, it may not be the same relationship but I think I understand. I have known loss too. I lost someone very close to me right before or during my change. It tore me apart and for a long time I reacted the same as you and I still don't talk about it if I can avoid it. I have been in this life a long time and it wasn't until I realized I was going to keep torturing myself and Tony that I had to try to move on. I will be honest Bella, there are times I wish I could do what you did. So I won't tell you that you will get over it. But we can make it easier, together." Beth's words were like a balm to the tattered edges of my heart. Like she said I wouldn't get over it and right now I couldn't see it getting better, but for my sanity and my new coven I would try.

I was not sure how long we had sat on the forest floor but apparently long enough to worry Tony. He found us curled up under the same tree we had ended up under shortly after we left the house. No words were needed he  
>took Beth and I in his arms and held us again for how long I am not sure but sometime after the sun had set he finally lifted us from the ground and guided us home.<p>

I knew I needed to change my behavior so the next morning I started to try to change my patterns. I realize that maybe if I did not dwell on my lost love and family, I could be an active part of the coven I had now. I could focus my attention elsewhere and by doing that I could relieve Beth's burden of guilt and maybe some of her sorrow for her loss. So before hunting I joined them in the living room and I immersed myself in reading. I won't say I stopped sobbing everyday but it got better and we started to find balance.

After another week in the cabin I needed to take another shower and I would put the same clothes Beth gave me on again. I would have to ask Beth how I could get more. Again when I exited there was another simple outfit.

As I went to thank Beth she cut me off "Bella, I know the outfits I have for you are not exactly what you are used to, I noticed the clothes you always wore before were high end labels, but we can get you something else the next time Tony goes into town. We can also make sure to get closer to your size, since my pants are a little long on you."

"No," I cut her off before she continued. "The outfits are great, but it would be nice to have some of my own. I didn't pick the," I cut off, how could I explain this without thinking of my old best friend. "The clothes that I brought with me were not my normal." I took a deep breath to hold back the sob.

Before I could continue Beth placed her arm around me, "I will help you pick out some clothes and Tony will pick them up for you." I nodded thankful she did not want more information when something as simple as clothing could cut so deep.

As time went on I started to learn that if I buried myself in a project; learning something new, a new book, a new skill or hobby that I would not have time to mourn or mope. Then forcing myself to do these things at a humans pace so one day I could fit in around them added to my distractions. First I had to learn to handle my new vampire strength and speed. There were a few ripped book pages and mangled household items when I did not concentrate on the delicate materials I was handling. There was not much to do in our little cabin but it was there with the help of Beth that I learned to needle point, sewing, and to knit. When I mastered those types of thread work Beth moved me to tatting to make lace edging for projects. I learned to do bead work for jewelry and to add to my other projects. I learned calligraphy which led to the need for pen wipers, so I learned to make those too.

Not to be left out, Tony would often try to help occupy my time with simple pastimes, like a round of chess and backgammon, he also would read from poets and authors to Beth and I. He would read anything but romance and I think that was for my benefit.

I knew vampires loved deeply and passionately and I recognized that Beth and Tony were holding back for me. I could not help the flash of sadness that would pass through me as he would gently push a stray hair behind her ear. Or how her hand would stay just a little longer when she handed him the current book he was reading. After sometime they felt I was coping better and they would leave together. I did not miss that they always waited until I was distracted in a project just like Renee had done when leaving me at preschool. I was very appreciative for the sacrifice, and the discretion they used. When I let myself think of their love for each other, I would often shrink and whimper for the love I knew I would never feel and the loneliness that eternity held for me. Even though it would make me think of him being surrounded by mated pairs, I never allowed myself to think he would feel the same way I did. They did still accompany me when I hunted and I again I was very grateful. I did not want to make a slip and take a life. It also was when we were most feral and animalistic and as the feeding frenzy cleared I was defenseless against the memories and pain.

Between becoming a vampire with the lack of sleep and modern schedules here in our forest cottage that I learned how disorientating time could be. At times it would seem that each second took hours to pass and days would fly by in what seemed like minutes, but as days turned into weeks, weeks into months, I was starting to see Beth and Tony as the family they wanted. They were not replacing my past family but carving out their own place in my heart and that scared me because I was sure I could not survive another loss if they left. However I could not deny Beth and it felt nice to have parental figures who genuinely cared for me.

Quickly a year passed as they moved into my heart and taught me new skills. Celebrated in my success and encouraged me when I stumbled. In their actions and words they helped me grow confidence in every part of my life but love. That had been destroyed and even as I learned to love them I did not love myself and would never feel worthy of what they offered but selfishly I would take it.

At times it felt like we had been in the forest forever but sometimes it felt like I had only been a newborn for a brief glimpse of time and suddenly a year had passed. I was ready to experience more but the safety of our home was too much to give up. That is why I panicked when Tony and Beth approached me and said it was time, now that my newborn strength was fading to test myself around humans again.

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><p>Again, THANK YOU! Everyone who has favorite me! And please, please, please, review…<p> 


	11. Test

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight, I am just thankful to get to play with them for a little while. All poetry is the property of the original author.

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><p>AN:

I know everyone wants the Bella/Cullen reunion and I PROMISE it will happen just not right away. However there will be a Cullen POV coming up because everyone wants to know what they are up to.

**Thank you, Thank you! All of you who have followed or favorite-d me. As I have read on Fanfiction I never realized how awesome it is to get reviews and I did not give them out often. I am much more liberal with them now. **

**Thank you for the reviews. Please keep them coming.**

**All of the BOLD print is direct quotes from the books. **

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><p>You act like a diamond waiting to be set<br>In a gold ring, as if, I bet  
>As time goes by in this give and take<br>As long as I learn I will make mistakes  
>What do I want? What do I need?<br>Why do I want it? What's in it for me?  
>It's the imagery of technology<br>Is what you get is what you see  
>Don't worry your mind<br>When you give it your best  
>One two one two this is just a test<p>

Just A Test –_Beastie Boys_

Chapter 11: Test

My rational mind knew my eyes were now topaz. We had practiced, I could keep with the human facade. I was even functioning through the dull ache that never left my heart. When I had hunted, I knew my newborn strength was waning and Tony and Beth should be able to hold me back but I was still worried that I would hurt someone. I never wanted to be a monster. I never wanted to disappoint anyone.

"I'm... I'm not ready" I stammered.

"You are." Tony said confidently. "You have to do it sometime unless you plan to stay here forever, even then cannot guarantee that someone will not come across the house." Alright I admit I wanted to be able to leave the house, I had even expressed this to them, but right now staying here for another twenty years did not seem unreasonable. "Bella, you are adjusting to this life well. We will take this in small steps, we will not push you farther than you can handle." He continued.

I shook my head, I did not want to disappoint them, him, or my other vampire father. I winced at the reminder of everyone I would be letting down. "I don't want to be a monster, I cannot disappoint everyone..." I breathed out.

"Bella, you could never disappoint us. We will be there to help you and we also know that we all make mistakes. You can feel bad about it but it does not make you a monster if you keep trying." Beth soothed.

"Can we 'not' expose me to someone, maybe bring something with a scent on it." I pleaded. "If I cannot control it, we will know I am not ready."

"Bella you need to experience the whole temptation, the scent, the heartbeat, and most importantly you have to see them as more than Not Food." Tony was calm but persistent. "However, I like the idea of giving you a scent first. You will get a small glimpse of what the burn will be like, maybe it will not catch you off guard as much."

"Fine" I grumbled. I knew I could not make them stay here forever and I really did not want that either.

We started preparing with extra hunting. I had never felt as full as I did that week. After three days Tony returned with a pillow and shirt that he had taken from a home from Milwaukee, Wisconsin. He took the time to go into a big city because that is where he was going to test me. He felt like it would be impossible for me to find the owner of the scent. On a more depressing note he also thought if I did slip up that it would be a lot less noticeable in a large city. I couldn't argue with his logic and it wouldn't matter to me if it was the little town of nearby Muinsing, Michigan, I would hate myself if I slipped up in either place.

When Tony took the items out of the sealed bag he had stored it in my throat ripped into flames, and venom pooled in my mouth. I swallowed the venom and my rational mind decided to hold my breath, while only a small portion was obsessing about my want for human blood. When holding my breath became uncomfortable I began breathing through my mouth. I found that even though my throat burnt it was much less than when I breathed through my nose. I was encouraged by this but I would have to get better. I didn't care to spend eternity as a mouth breather.

Over the next few days, experiencing several scents that Tony had stolen on his trip to Milwaukee, we were headed to the city.

Our first stop would be a drive by a crowd of people. Beth would drive the car, while Tony held me in the back seat. We drove by the movie theater with the windows up really slow. I noticed I could see the blood pump within people's neck in time with the heartbeat. It made only a small amount of venom pool and I worried about adding the scent. We drove by quicker with the window down and I could feel the craving but I continued to breathe through my nose. When we drove my the third time it was much slower and the scents slowly penetrated the car. I was tense but I was doing it, we were almost done and the wind gushed and my throat ripped into flames. Tony's hands locked down on me as soon as the scent hit him and he was instructing me to hold my breath. Beth rolled up the windows and drove away.

"You did great Bella!" Beth gushed.

"Great are you kidding me. I had to hold my breath. I am never going to be good at this." I ranted.

"Bella, you are wrong. You did wonderful. You did not fight me. You let me hold you down and followed instructions." Tony said and I could hear the sincerity in his voice but I still did not feel good about it. "Most vampires don't do that well. I think you are ready for another level of testing."

"Maybe we shouldn't push our luck today." I grumbled.

"Bella, dear. You need to keep moving forward when you succeed. If you stop, you give fear room to grow. When you hesitate in the middle of success you allow doubt to take hold." Beth was very encouraging and convinced me to try again.

Our next stop was a homeless shelter. I did not like putting these people who already had it so bad at risk, but Tony was right they unfortunately would be less noticed if I did fail. He and I got out of the car and Beth continued down the street. She would park down a couple of blocks and we would start walking toward the line of people waiting to see if they get a spot that night. If it was too hard we would stop and walk back the other way. If I did well then we would continue down past the line of people and to Beth in the car. We began making our way toward the line and I could smell the humans but I took deep breaths in through my nose to get used to the scent before we were right next to it.

I could not help but think back to a time when someone had desensitized themselves to my scent and I winced at the reminder of him.

This was not the time to let my heartache take control of me, so I focused on pushing the memory from my mind.

"Do you need to stop Bella?" Tony asked.

I shook my head and continued walking. Most of the blood smelled delicious, better than the richest chocolate cake, others though smelled off.

"Tony" I whispered to low for humans to hear. "Why does some of the blood smell off? Almost worse than animal blood."

"Impressive Bella, when someone's blood smells off it is one of two things. Either they are using some type of substance and quite extensively if their blood is off. Second is disease. I am surprised you picked up on it today. Most of our kind cannot tell the difference for years."

We were almost to the end of the block, when I noticed a couple of kids waiting with their mother to get into the home. I wished there was something I could do for them. Suddenly the little boy threw his sisters doll and it was headed into the street with her right behind it. I quickened my step and raised my hand to catch the doll not wanting the girl to end up in the road. That is when she ran into my legs. I froze. This warm little body grabbed my legs, hugging me.

"Thank you for saving Alice." she yelled.

My heart clinched as images of a black haired pixie entered my mind.

Noticing my tense stand, Tony leaned into me, "Bella, you need to hand her the doll and get away from here." he whispered.

Using the breath in my lungs, I looked down at the girl "Here you go." was all I said and I was going to leave.

"What's your name? You are very pretty." The little girl rambled as she hugged her doll with one arm and my leg with the other.

There was no way around it I was going to have to take a breath. I knew I could be rude and jerk away from her and not say anything but that was not who I was. Now if the temptation was too great when I take this breath I was hoping I would still be able to pull myself away. I breathed in and though there were flames decimating my throat, looking at this innocent child I was able to think around it.

"My name is Bella. Thank you. I think you are very pretty too." I spoke just as her mother yelled for her.

"Rose, what have I told you about talking to strangers." This little girl's mother called to her and I knew I needed to reassure her but my heart burned for my sisters. I know Rose did not like me much but she was still a part of the package.

"Mom, this is Bella. She saved Alice from going into the road. Jacob threw her and she would have gotten ran over by a car but she caught her for me. She is very pretty isn't she mommy." Rose continued to ramble.

Again catching me off guard. Suddenly a portion of my mind was a swirling vortex of a statuesque beauty with blonde hair, a tiny pixie like creature with ink black spiky hair, and shining straight black hair against silky russet colored skin. Really could this little girl have been more of a test. I had to keep talking, I had to focus on not falling apart. Mentioning the name Jacob was another stab in the void of my heart and again I wanted to run but I would not scare her.

"Thank you for catching the doll it is one of her only toys not in storage. She couldn't part with it." Rose's mother added as she approached us.

"No problem. I hope things get better for you real soon. I must be going. Bye Rose, take good care of Alice. Be good Jacob." I said fighting a sob for my symbolic farewell playing in my mind. Wanting nothing more than to have had that chance.

She waved and I waved to the family as we made it to the car.

When we got to the car Beth was waiting next to it. She clapped and ran to me. "Bella, that was amazing. I was worried for you and that little girl and you did fantastic. I am so proud of you. See you were ready." Beth exclaimed. Pulling me into her arms and soothing me as she ran her hand over my hair. "You should be proud of yourself, honey you did it."

For a brief moment I let myself enjoy the happiness. I had done it and it was harder than they even knew. I was happy that I had passed this test. I was happy that I could be here with Beth and Tony. But I could not escape that I had once fantasized about this happening with a very different group of people. Oh how I wished my other vampire father could see my success. Would he even care? I knew I had to quit thinking about it but he was a huge inspiration for me and the life choice I was making.

Tony engulfed both Beth and I in a hug. "I am so proud of you." He whispered into my hair and for a moment it did not matter what Carlisle felt, my new dad was proud of me.

I gasped at the realization that I had thought of Tony as a parent. I did not voice my revelation. I knew they wanted to be a family and I was not sure what dynamic they wanted. I also knew if I let myself hope they wanted to be my parents and they did not, the new place in my heart they had taken would also break.

Feeling the change in my stand they both took a step back and guided me to the car. We would head home and celebrate with a hunt and even though I had hunted extra before the trip, the emotion and exposure had used all my reserves.

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><p>Again, THANK YOU! Everyone who has favorite me andor my story! And please, please, please, review…


	12. Torment

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight, I am just thankful to get to play with them for a little while. All poetry is the property of the original author.

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><p>AN:

So here is the long awaited Cullen POV. Sorry not reunion yet but now you know how they handled the first year of Bella's disappearance. The run is sometime off but I hope you will continue with me.

Many thanks to everyone who has followed and favorite-d me. I love knowing people are enjoying the story.

Thank you again for all of the reviews they are encouraging and inspirational. If I missed your review and did not reply I am sorry. Just know I read all of them and appreciate them all. Thank you!

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><p>No Rack can torture me—<br>My Soul—at Liberty—  
>Behind this mortal Bone<br>There knits a bolder One—

You cannot prick with saw—  
>Nor pierce with Scimitar—<br>Two Bodies—therefore be—  
>Bind One—The Other fly—<p>

The Eagle of his Nest  
>No easier divest—<br>And gain the Sky  
>Than mayest Thou—<p>

Except Thyself may be  
>Thine Enemy—<br>Captivity is Consciousness—  
>So's Liberty.<p>

_No Rack can torture me_ – _Emily Dickinson_

Chapter 12: Torment

We had been living a year of emotional torment. It was almost a year ago since I lost sight of Bella. We were losing faith that she had survived. I should have seen her by now. Even if she was a newborn living off instinct she would be capable of making decisions by now. We had seen the other vampires save her from Victoria. We had watched as they bit her and let the change begin. I had seen the change come to an end. There was no reason she should have not made it but we had not seen her.

Edward has been beside himself and most of us are not any better. Esme and Carlisle mourn for their lost child. I miss my sister terribly. Jasper also misses Bella and wallows in guilt for the attack on her birthday. Emmett goes between sadness for his lost baby sister and anger at Edward for leaving her. Rose surprises everyone, her emotions are everywhere. She is sad that she lost a sister, more so for Emmett than herself. She is fearful for the newborn who is without her family. She cannot imagine the pain of a lost mate and feels guilty for how she treated Bella and Edwards's relationship. On her best day she is angry at Bella for what this is doing to her family.

I had seen the contingency plans Edward had made in Phoenix and we would not lose another family member so someone was always with him. At first when we started running into dead end after dead end. He had been on the edge of insanity. He was ferocious, lashing out at anyone at any time.

We stayed in the Chicago area looking for any leads. Looking for anyone who might have known where Bella was. We were greatly hindered by the amount of sunlight in the area at this time of year. We had found the library she had gone to so many times. Thinking maybe she was researching her next move. However we found she was looking at old newspaper micro fiche. Turning on the charm Edward was able to get the librarian to show us the last roll she had looked at.

"Why would she be looking at micro fiche?" Emmett honestly asked.

"How should I know? I thought she was either reading or making plans for her next stop?" Edward sarcastically replied. Opening the can of fiche. When the future decided to reveal itself.

"Edward, do not read that while we are in here?" I whisper yelled.

"Why not, Alice. This is old news obviously." Edward, cocked his eyebrow at me.

"We risk exposure if you do." I hissed as everyone seemed to tense. "I am not sure what is says but it upsets you and I am sure it upset Bella. I think this was what she found just before she made the plan to head to Houston."

Carlisle placed his hand on Edward's shoulder and led him toward the door, as the librarian approached them to retrieve the micro fiche, Jasper bathed her in a heavy dose of confusion and weariness. The kind woman retreated back to her station and cradled her forehead in her palms. I felt bad for the woman but knew it would lift in a couple of minutes and we would be long gone.

We quickly got into our rental cars and headed to Forest Glen Wood, nature preserve. It was pretty vacant at this time in the evening and would give Edward a place to deal with whatever it is he finds. He exited the car and had already began frantic pacing.

"Whatever this is, it has to do with my human life." He looked to Carlisle, who only answered with a shrug.

With our improved vision, no equipment was needed to read the contents of the roll and after only a moment Edward must have found the information. His hands began to shake and his breath was hissing out through clenched teeth. He threw the micro fiche away from him harshly and sank to the forest floor gripping his hair tightly.

I grabbed the discarded records, while everyone stood around staring at Edward wondering what had upset him so. When my eyes found what he read I shared it with everyone. "- 'notable Attorney Edward Masen Sr, his wife Elizabeth, and son Edward Jr were just one of the families that the fire had taken. Mr. Masen had been admitted to the hospital a week prior, and his wife and son had fallen ill just three days before the fire. It is believed that both Mr. & Mrs. Masen had already perished and that there son was the only one that would have been trapped in the fire. May we pray that he too had passed before this monstrous event.'

"I am so sorry son." Esme said as she crouched next to Edward and began rubbing his shoulders.

"Did you know?" Edward spat at Carlisle. "Did you know this whole time and not tell me?"

"Son, I did not know the hospital had burned down. I am positive your parents had passed. They had both been removed from the hospital wing, their charts both said they had been moved to the morgue. Your father had been gone for a three days. On the third day your mother had begged me to do everything in my power to save you. I went home because I was torn." Carlisle let out a long sigh. "I wanted a companion and I had been alone for a long time. Your mother had seemed to give me permission to change you. I had decided that if I came back to the hospital and there was a way that I could nurse you and your mother back to health that I would do it and I would not change you. However if your mother lost her battle with the influenza I would fulfill her dying wish." Carlisle moved to Edward's other side not occupied by his wife and wrapped his arm around him. "When I returned to the hospital your mother was no longer in the room and I was informed she had been moved to the morgue. Your heart was weak. I bit you then placed you on a gurney. I acted as I was taking you to the morgue and just as your screams began I was able to get away from the hospital. I took you to the apartment as you know and when you were awake, we left. I never looked back. I had gone to your home during your change to collect a few of your belongings and later used an attorney to acquire your parents' home. I promise you I never knew about the hospital."

"I know this is upsetting." Rose whispered. "I am not sure why Bella would have been looking at this but she was sensitive this would have upset her too." I was shocked that Rose would be the one to point out this perspective even though we all knew it was correct. "Edward, I am sorry and I don't mean to be insensitive but we knew they were gone and this is not helping us find Bella. You need to refocus."

Edward gave Rose a curt nod and silenced Esme as she began to chastise Rose for her callus behavior. "No, Rose is right. Yes I feel sad but they are gone. Nothing is going to change that. I need to focus on Bella."

We gathered ourselves together and headed back to the city to look for evidence of Bella. It was old but we were able to follow Bella's scent and we had noticed a few missing persons posters but could not determine who had placed them. We were able to find the flat where she was staying. We could smell Bella's enticing scent of strawberries and freesia. The overly sickening sweet smell of Victoria's spilled venom. Plus the additional scents of two unidentified Vampires. We did not know if Bella knew these other vampires but we were pretty sure they were the ones who protected her from Victoria. That gave us hope that they would care for her. They had bit and not drank; I had seen it. We had searched the flat and found the left overs of Bella's pop tarts. I could not understand why she liked those things, they smelled horrible. Nothing of Bella's had been left in the flat. They had taken everything. Her smell was very strong around the bookshelf and the strongest on an antique copy of Wurthing Heights. Edward took it knowing this had been her favorite book and the last one she had read.

We had just finished searching the flat and were moving to the main part of the home when suddenly Edward shouted "No!" flying into a rage. First everyone was baffled by the outburst, before he slumped over with forced lethargy.

Jasper approached him slowly. "Edward, it was a passing thought. There is nothing to back it up."

"I will hunt them down and kill them. If they," Edward's snarl was cut off as he collapsed to the floor when Jasper made contact with his skin giving him a knockout blow of exhaustion.

"Can someone please explain that little episode?" Emmett whined.

Jasper looked away from everyone before he began. "I just had a passing thought. Sometimes when we turned a newborn that ended up being a little too hard to handle if we could not correct their behavior with discipline the decision was made to cut our loses." he trailed off.

"No" whimpered Esme.

"I saw Victoria attack her I did not see them attack her. I would have known if they wanted to end her." I sobbed hoping I was correct.

"Like I said. It was a passing thought, a memory. I do not believe they killed Bella. It has only been a few days since she would have woken. She is still working on instinct. We need to give her more time." Jasper said as he let us feel the confidence of his convictions.

We entered the main home and began searching, just like our homes when we left, several things were left behind but nothing that could identify the owners or lead us to them. Like us they knew how to hide, how to disappear.

"Carlisle, you have been around the longest, have you came across either of their scents before?" Esme asked.

He shook his head, "No, I know I have never smelt this scent before but it also has a hint of familiarity almost like I smelt it while I was human or maybe when it was human."

I noticed Edward looking at a beautiful antique tea service on display. He fingered the rim of one of the cups like it was almost sacred. You could tell he was seeing things that were not there, memories.

"What is it Edward? You look a million miles away." I asked.

"More like close to a hundred years, Alice." he replied solemnly. "My mother had a tea set just like this when I was growing up. It was only ever used for our family. Never for guests or servants, no one. Mom, dad, and I all had our own cup and the fourth had never been used. It would have been for my wife. It would have been," He trailed off with a sob. I rubbed soothing circles on his back until his sobs quieted.

"Why don't you take it, Edward?" I offered and he began to rebuke me. "It brings a lot of human memories to the surface. It might not be yours but it means something to you. They left it when they took off, it must not mean that much to them. They took your mate, you take something of theirs. Maybe you can give it back when you get Bella." I finished with a beaming smile. He just shook his head and walked away reaching to ruffle my hair.

I decided to take just one cup. It would have been for Bella anyway.

We returned to Houston hoping that Bella would head there as soon as her thirst was sated and she could focus on something other than blood. Worried about missing her often one of the couples would take turns running to Forks to check that she did not return to the house there.

However weeks turned into months filled with runs to Chicago, Forks, and Phoenix continually searching for our lost family member and mate. As we approached one year and hope was draining. Bella had not come back into my visions but Edward would not give up and he was becoming more convinced that she had returned to Forks and was with the wolves. His only evidence being I could not see them either. Edward wouldn't be deterred he was going to the wolves. Once he came to that decision he tore into a flurry and only slowed when I explained we would all go with him back to Forks. We arrived in the middle of the night, just over a year from the last time we spoke to a wolf about Bella's whereabouts. As soon as the Volvo stopped Edward was running for the borderline. We all followed. Carlisle was frantic trying to reach Sam or anyone on the council. Edward hesitated when he was about to run across the border and it was just enough for Emmett to catch him and hold him until the wolves showed up.

I knew it did not end well if he let them know we knew Bella may be a vampire now and I let Edward know my thoughts. He gave me an almost imperceptible nod.

"Jacob, where is Bella?" Edward yelled before we saw anyone. They must have just entered his hearing range and were just a mile off.

Edward began growling. "What is it Edward? Do they have Bella?" Carlisle was on guard.

"He is thinking that they do not have her, but he is very happy that we do not have her either." Edward snapped.

We could smell and hear the wolves approaching, Edward let us know they were phasing to talk to us.

"What do you mean, where's Bella? You went home, you didn't care that she ran?" Jacob screamed.

"We decided to try to help find her but we were not successful in locating Bella, we came to a dead end. We thought maybe she would have come home by now." Carlisle was trying to be more diplomatic.

"Bella has not returned or made contact with anyone." Sam replied.

"And we sure as hell wouldn't tell you if she had." One of the other boys sneered.

"Enough Paul." Sam ordered.

"We understand your anger it is our fault Bella was unprotected when one of our kind was after her. That is why we decided to look for her." Carlisle claimed.

"It's not because lover boy over there wants his toy back?" Jacob barked.

Edward was barely hanging on. In that moment we were sure he would proclaim his love for his mate and tell them everything we knew. We weren't ready to deal with the wolves over this. As he went to speak it happened. It came out of nowhere I was not looking for it.

Bella was standing there looking at Rose and I. She had her arms wrapped around herself.

She spoke softly, "Goodbye Rose, take care of Alice."

As quick as it came it was gone. Before I was aware of my surroundings Edward and Jasper were standing next to me.

"Alice what was that?" Edward demanded.

"Edward, we are going to miss our flight if we don't leave soon. Is there anything else we need to know?" I spoke calmly letting my eyes drift to the wolves and back. I did not want to reveal my vision to them.

"No I think we are good." Edward replied calmly and we were inching our way out of the clearing.

"I guess we will be on our way. We are sorry Bella has not returned." Carlisle placated the wolves. Then we were off heading for the house.

"Alice, darlin' your emotions are all over the place tell me what's going on." Jasper was concerned for me, his mate.

"It was Bella, she saw Bella." Edward stammered.

"She did. Great! Where is she? Let's go get her. What are we standing around for?" Emmett was excited that he was going to get his sister back.

"I don't know where she is" I said sadly. "We were on a street. I can't see any identifying information." I sobbed.

"What did you see?" Carlisle asked.

"It was Bella on a sidewalk, looking at Rose and Alice and she said 'Goodbye Rose, take care of Alice.' That was the entire vision." Edward explained to everyone else. Rose baulked at the idea that the first vision of Bella would have anything to do with her. "It's true she was addressing you two." Edward confirmed for her.

"Was there anymore to the vision. Can you tell what kind of building she is near or the cars that are nearby?" Rose questioned eagerly.

"No that is the odd thing. It's like I am only being allowed to see that part. Everything else is fuzzy. I am not sure why. It has never happened before." I was confused but happy. Bella had made it.

"But, is she a vampire?" Esme whimpered.

"She is." I said softly, not sure how Edward felt. However you could feel the relief in the room. She was safer than before and we had time to find her.

We were all just relaxing in the calm we had not felt this whole year  
>when I was struck again.<p>

"Carlisle, I did it. I didn't slip. My first test and I passed." Bella exclaimed. Again that was it. Not more, no detail but I would take what I could get.

Edward had a smug smile. He was proud of his mate and he was hopeful that now we had seen her we would see more and find her.

"What was it Alice?" Carlisle asked taking both Edward's and my reaction.

"A message for you." He looked perplexed. "Bella wanted you to know she passed her first test. She resisted drinking human blood."

Carlisle was the picture of a proud father. Everyone was happy for Bella. The tension that we lived in for that first year eased considerably and for the first time in months we relaxed. Knowing Bella had made it, knowing that we had time to find her and I was just as pleased to know she was still thinking about us. I only worried why she was not looking for us.

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><p>Thank you everyone. Please let me know what you think. I love the reviews.<p> 


	13. Still Learning

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight, I am grateful she lets us play with her imagination for a little while. All poetry is the property of the original author.

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><p>AN:

I am sorry for the delay in posting this chapter. Life decided to be an unrelenting master for the last few weeks. I won't go into extreme detail but suffice it to say, I had to put in extreme hour, before I knew it a planned trip was upon me and then the death of a friend had me a little weighed down. Once I finally had time to write I was just too drained to be inspired. I have spent a little time reading some completed stories to help recharge and take a much needed break from real life.

I am attaching small reminders of the last Cullen POV and Bella's POV as a refresher of where we were.

Thank you for all of you who have stuck with me and liked my story. Your reviews make a huge difference. Some of you have started connecting the hidden plot in the story and I am really excited. I have most of the chapters plotted out until the reunion but it is still a little ways off. I am still looking for inspiration to the conclusion of the story, I hope you will continue with me.

Many thanks to everyone who has followed and favorite-d me. I love knowing people are enjoying the story.

Thank you, Thank you, and Thank you! Everyone who has posted reviews, I really appreciate them. They keep me inspired to keep going. Please review if you like my story. They are a real boost and I could use it right now. If I missed your review and did not reply I am sorry. Just know I read all of them and appreciate them all. Thank you!

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><p><strong>Bella POV<strong>

_Our next stop was a homeless shelter. I did not like putting these people who already had it so bad at risk, but Tony was right they unfortunately would be less noticed if I did fail. He and I got out of the car and Beth continued down the street. She would park down a couple of blocks and we would start walking toward the line of people waiting to see if they get a spot that night. If it was too hard we would stop and walk back the other way. If I did well then we would continue down past the line of people and to Beth in the car. We began making our way toward the line and I could smell the humans but I took deep breaths in through my nose to get used to the scent before we were right next to it._

I could not help but think back to a time when someone had desensitized themselves to my scent and I winced at the reminder of him.

_This was not the time to let my heartache take control of me, so I focused on pushing the memory from my mind. _

_"Do you need to stop Bella?" Tony asked. I shook my head and continued walking._

We were almost to the end of the block, when I noticed a couple of kids waiting with their mother to get into the home. I wished there was something I could do for them. Suddenly the little boy threw his sisters doll and it was headed into the street with her right behind it. I quickened my step and raised my hand to catch the doll not wanting the girl to end up in the road. That is when she ran into my legs. I froze. This warm little body grabbed my legs, hugging me.

"Thank you for saving Alice." she yelled.

_My heart clinched as images of a black haired pixie entered my mind._

Noticing my tense stand, Tony leaned into me, "Bella, you need to hand her the doll and get away from here." he whispered.

Using the breath in my lungs, I looked down at the girl "Here you go." was all I said and I was going to leave.

"What's your name? You are very pretty." The little girl rambled as she hugged her doll with one arm and my leg with the other.

There was no way around it I was going to have to take a breath. I knew I could be rude and jerk away from her and not say anything but that was not who I was. Now if the temptation was too great when I take this breath I was hoping I would still be able to pull myself away. I breathed in and though there were flames decimating my throat, looking at this innocent child I was able to think around it.

"My name is Bella. Thank you. I think you are very pretty too." I spoke just as her mother yelled for her.

"Rose, what have I told you about talking to strangers." This little girl's mother called to her and I knew I needed to reassure her but my heart burned for my sisters. I know Rose did not like me much but she was still a part of the package.

"Mom, this is Bella. She saved Alice from going into the road. Jacob threw her and she would have gotten ran over by a car but she caught her for me. She is very pretty isn't she mommy." Rose continued to ramble.

_Again catching me off guard. Suddenly a portion of my mind was a swirling vortex of a statuesque beauty with blonde hair, a tiny pixie like creature with ink black spiky hair, and shining straight black hair against silky russet colored skin. Really could this little girl have been more of a test. I had to keep talking, I had to focus on not falling apart. Mentioning the name Jacob was another stab in the void of my heart and again I wanted to run but I would not scare her._

"Thank you for catching the doll it is one of her only toys not in storage. She couldn't part with it." Rose's mother added as she approached us.

"No problem. I hope things get better for you real soon. I must be going. Bye Rose, take good care of Alice. Be good Jacob." I said fighting a sob for my symbolic farewell playing in my mind. Wanting nothing more than to have had that chance.

She waved and I waved to the family as we made it to the car.

When we got to the car Beth was waiting next to it. She clapped and ran to me. "Bella, that was amazing. I was worried for you and that little girl and you did fantastic. I am so proud of you. See you were ready." Beth exclaimed. Pulling me into her arms and soothing me as she ran her hand over my hair. "You should be proud of yourself, honey you did it."

For a brief moment I let myself enjoy the happiness. I had done it and it was harder than they even knew. I was happy that I had passed this test. I was happy that I could be here with Beth and Tony. But I could not escape that I had once fantasized about this happening with a very different group of people. Oh how I wished my other vampire father could see my success. Would he even care? I knew I had to quit thinking about it but he was a huge inspiration for me and the life choice I was making.

_Tony engulfed both Beth and I in a hug. "I am so proud of you." He whispered into my hair and for a moment it did not matter what Carlisle felt, my new dad was proud of me. _

_I gasped at the realization that I had thought of Tony as a parent. I did not voice my revelation. I knew they wanted to be a family and I was not sure what dynamic they wanted. I also knew if I let myself hope they wanted to be my parents and they did not, the new place in my heart they had taken would also break._

Feeling the change in my stand they both took a step back and guided me to the car. We would head home and celebrate with a hunt and even though I had hunted extra before the trip, the emotion and exposure had used

_all my reserves._

**Cullen POV**

_As he went to speak it happened. It came out of nowhere I was not looking for it._

_Bella was standing there looking at Rose and I. She had her arms wrapped around herself._

_She spoke softly, "Goodbye Rose, take care of Alice."_

_As quick as it came it was gone. Before I was aware of my surroundings Edward and Jasper were standing next to me._

_"Alice what was that?" Edward demanded._

_"Edward, we are going to miss our flight if we don't leave soon. Is there anything else we need to know?" I spoke calmly letting my eyes drift to the wolves and back. I did not want to reveal my vision to them._

_"No I think we are good." Edward replied calmly and we were inching our way out of the clearing._

_"I guess we will be on our way. We are sorry Bella has not returned." Carlisle placated the wolves. Then we were off heading for the house._

_"Alice, darlin' your emotions are all over the place tell me what's going on." Jasper was concerned for me, his mate._

_"It was Bella, she saw Bella." Edward stammered._

_"She did. Great! Where is she? Let's go get her. What are we standing around for?" Emmett was excited that he was going to get his sister back._

_"I don't know where she is" I said sadly. "We were on a street. I can't see any identifying information." I sobbed._

_"What did you see?" Carlisle asked._

_"It was Bella on a sidewalk, looking at Rose and Alice and she said 'Goodbye Rose, take care of Alice.' That was the entire vision." Edward explained to everyone else. Rose baulked at the idea that the first vision of Bella would have anything to do with her. "It's true she was addressing you two." Edward confirmed for her._

_"Was there anymore to the vision. Can you tell what kind of building she is near or the cars that are nearby?" Rose questioned eagerly._

_"No that is the odd thing. It's like I am only being allowed to see that part. Everything else is fuzzy. I am not sure why. It has never happened before." I was confused but happy. Bella had made it._

_"But, is she a vampire?" Esme whimpered._

_"She is." I said softly, not sure how Edward felt. However you could feel the relief in the room. She was safer than before and we had time to find her._

_We were all just relaxing in the calm we had not felt this whole year_  
><em>when I was struck again.<em>

_"Carlisle, I did it. I didn't slip. My first test and I passed." Bella exclaimed. Again that was it. Not more, no detail but I would take what I could get._

_Edward had a smug smile. He was proud of his mate and he was hopeful that now we had seen her we would see more and find her._

_"What was it Alice?" Carlisle asked taking both Edward's and my reaction._

_"A message for you." He looked perplexed. "Bella wanted you to know she passed her first test. She resisted drinking human blood."_

_Carlisle was the picture of a proud father. Everyone was happy for Bella. The tension that we lived in for that first year eased considerably and for the first time in months we relaxed. Knowing Bella had made it, knowing that we had time to find her and I was just as pleased to know she was still thinking about us. I only worried why she was not looking for us._

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><p>Chapter 13 - Still Learning<p>

Can death be sleep, when life is but a dream,  
>And scenes of bliss pass as a phantom by?<br>The transient pleasures as a vision seem,  
>And yet we think the greatest pain's to die.<p>

How strange it is that man on earth should roam,  
>And lead a life of woe, but not forsake<br>His rugged path; nor dare he view alone  
>His future doom which is but to awake.<p>

_On Death - John Keats_

Over the next year we returned to the city a number of times. Beth and Tony were there every step of the way. They had promised when they changed me that I would not be alone in this life and they were still keeping that promise, but I still worried. We still lived in the forest but continued to test and strengthen my limits. At first we just copied my original exposure, then we tried outdoor venues that had plenty of open air. With each new test we increased the people or enclosed the environment more. We had gone as far as to stay in a hotel, permeated with the smell of humans but private enough for me to battle my demon into submission.

At first I was ecstatic when I was finally able to withstand the pull enough to enter a store. Then realization dawned on me that I did not have money to pay for the things I needed.

Beth approached me, "Bella, get what you need. We will take care of it." She said as she placed a loose piece of hair behind my ear that felt eerily familiar.

"I could not ask you to do that. I can wait." I mumbled.

"Nonsense dear it is what parents do for," Beth trailed of realizing what she had said and maybe because of the brief emotions of grief, desire and fear that flashed across my face before I could school my features. Beth opened her mouth several times to speak but never could find the words she wanted to say. I was too guarded to say anything.

That was when Tony saved us. "Bella, we feel responsible for you. That means taking care of your needs." Though his tone was sweet I could only focus on his words, they felt responsible for me because they changed me. They would provide for me like my parents had because they had to.

"I will pay you back as soon as I am able." I responded in a clipped tone. Then turned to look for the cheapest items to fit my needs. The entire time thinking of how I could fight my blood lust so I could earn money. Lost in my thoughts, I was startled when I felt a hand placed in my shoulder.

"Bella," Tony sighed. "My lovely wife informed me that what I said may have come across differently than I intended. It was something I was known to do with," he took a deep breath trying to continue, "before." he trailed off then seemed to shake his head from that thought and focus again on me. It happened so quickly that a passerby might not notice but I did. "What I meant to say Bella, is that we, we feel responsible for you because we feel like you are like our own child. That we are developing a family. Do you understand?"

I only nodded my reply. It was easy to live with Tony and Beth and it did seem we were becoming some type of family. I was grateful I had them. I would not be here now if they had not saved me and even though I had dreamed I would have another family by my side in this life I was blessed to Beth and Tony to see me through this. The problem I had was the argument between my head and my heart. I loved my other vampire family, I loved my real parents, and I was starting to love Beth and Tony. But even though I could see their love for me, my head could not let someone else hurt me. What if I was only another distraction?

Pulling me from my dilemma, Beth looped her arm through mine and redirected me into the store. "Come on, you have been wearing my clothes for the last year and a half. Even though I don't mind sharing I think, we could both use some new clothes." She continued on cheerily not expecting a reply and not allowing an argument. Beth was the perfect mother, she cared for me in a way that Renee never had and like only one other mother had treated me. Thinking of Esme made my heart ache. I wanted to let her know that no one could ever replace her and I missed her. I needed her to know that I was okay. Then my heart ached more because I realized she left me and that meant she did not see me the same way.

Again I nodded a reply to Beth, I did not want to be alone and I wanted a family. They had promised I would not be alone in this life and they had kept it. I still worried they too would realize that I am no good for them and they would leave too.

We did not speak about it after that but I could see the subtle shifts in the dynamics of our coven, we were transforming into a family.

I still missed my other vampires. I had hoped that my heart would be healed when I was changed that the emptiness I felt would go away. However those memories were crystal clear and though I could let distractions take me they were always there in the back of my mind and he was always there. He had been saved in his perfection in my perfect mind.

I usually tried to not think of them and at other times it would become so exhausting to fight it that I would run into the forest and let it wash over me. I would try to think of them in the abstract only. I could not let myself think of my specific memories of them, if I did I could end up lost in my thoughts for days. I thought of my vampire parents who took care of me. My vampire sisters who were so confident. My vampire big brothers, regardless of what had happened I knew those two would protect me. Then there was him. There was no way to look at him in the abstract. I could not see him as a sibling but when I thought of him as my boyfriend, my lover, what in this life would have been my mate, it hurt. There was no way to escape it. Then I would remember they left me and it would feel like the hole in my chest had been ripped open again. On a good day I would think of the things Jasper had left me and the items I had found under my floor an it would confuse my emotions and I would end up in the same circle of thoughts that I struggled with when I ran from Forks.

The two year marker of my new phase of life startled me and time had seemed to pass in odd jerks and agonizing lulls, but two years in the forest was starting to get to everyone. To mark the date, in late October, when I truly entered their life and to celebrate my new found control we attended the theater. However when we returned to the cabin the air of frustration and sadness quickly returned. I was not sure why but both Beth and Tony seemed down. I wanted to ask them about it but did not have the courage to ask. I had not shared with them and maybe they weren't ready to share with me.

After three days of what reminded me of the first week here, returning from a hunt Beth came into the house and embraced me.

"Bella, I think it is time we move on. You are doing well and we can move back into the city now." She said with motherly kindness that I had not seen in days.

"Is everything okay?" I asked.

"Things are fine Bella." Tony replied "Sometimes you just need time to deal with things. I am sure you know what I mean." He gave me a knowing look, obviously they were not ready to share.

"Thank you for helping me through the last two years and not letting me slip up. So where are we headed?" I asked gathering as much enthusiasm as I could muster. "What's the story?" This would be the first conversation since our shopping excursion about how we would represent ourselves to the public and this would go a long way in how we saw ourselves. As much as I wanted to protect my heart some of this was necessary and I could try to tell myself it was just part of the story but the truth was I wanted a family, I wanted them to love me.

"I am not sure what you mean Bella. Story?" Beth asked

"When you move around. What story do you tell people? I assume you are always husband and wife but you use different names. The story has to have more details than that. Where do you tell them you were before? When you work, where do you tell them you went school? Where did you get your credentials?" None of us talk about our past but I was sure any information they were using was trumped up.

"Bella, we do not tell them anything." Tony looked at me incredulously. "We avoid giving personal information." Tony answered.

I felt embarrassed to be asking but needed to know, "Then what do you do for work? You obviously have some money."

"Bella" he chuckled. "We invest in real estate. We move into a home and fix it up and do that with as many as we can. Depending on the area, we will resell them for a profit or we will keep them as rentals. Sometimes we manage them ourselves and sometimes we use property managers. We have kept a few of them to live in when we return to the different areas."

"So you never make friends or colleagues when you move around?" I questioned. The thought that they only had each other for however long they have been in this life seemed a little depressing. At least my other vampire family had each other and not just their mate. The innocent reminder shot pain to my heart but I quickly schooled my features so as to no alarm Tony and Beth.

"Of course we know a few people and other vampires. But we are not close that would be too risky." Beth answered quietly. "But you are right I guess we do have cover stories for the brief encounters we do have."

"We present ourselves as a married couple, who moved into the area to take advantage of the real estate market. We do not try to make friends with the neighbors." Tony explained. "If someone approaches we tell them we are only living in the home  
>during the renovation process."<p>

"So how do I fit in your story?" I asked. I did not want to assume anything. I would leave it up to them.

"If it is okay with you Bella, if it is we would like to introduce you as our daughter." Beth said sounding just as unsure as I did. "We will understand if you do not want us to."

"That would be great." I stated and their faces lit up. It gave me hope that maybe they would never leave, but I had felt like a daughter to other parents before that had left without a good-bye. I swallowed back the wince that was fighting to break free. I did not want them to think I was not happy with the new arrangement.

Beth hugged me again and we began packing the cottage. We packed what we would take, put away what would stay, and boxed everything else for donation. As we set out to leave, I remembered the other suitcase in my closet and as I carried it out of the house, my frustration for not being able to leave it and my desire to have them explain it all to me boiled inside me. Why the back pack, the house code, the stuff under my floor, everything. I was upset, hurt, and angry. Why did they leave me if they thought of me as family? Why would Jasper say they would not give up on me? They obviously had by leaving me and not coming for me. I focused on Jasper. Jasper was safe, it still hurt but it was easier then _him_ and they were the only two who left anything. Knowing I needed to get under control. I took a deep breath as I loaded it because as much as I knew I could not look in it, I also knew I could not be without it. It was the last connection I had to them and as much as it hurt to hold on I still could not let go.

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><p>If you like my story, have questions or suggestions, PLEASE REVIEW. I am always open to inspiration.<p> 


	14. Giving Up

Disclaimer: SM owns Twilight, I am just playing in her sandbox for a bit. All lyrics are the property of the original author.

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><p>AN:

Thank you to all my new readers and to all of you who have stuck with me and liked my story. Your reviews make a big difference and keep my driven. With my little hint in the last authors note more of you put together the hidden plot and I loved the IM's I got.

I have most of the chapters plotted out until the reunion but it is still a little ways off. I am still looking for inspiration to the conclusion of the story; I hope you will continue with me.

Many thanks to everyone who has followed and favorite-d me. I love knowing people are enjoying the story. Thank you, so much! Everyone who has posted reviews, I really appreciate them. Please review if you like my story. They are a real boost and I could use it right now. If I missed your review and did not reply I am sorry. Just know I read all of them and appreciate them all. Thank you!

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><p>Say something, I'm giving up on you<br>I'll be the one, if you want me to  
>Anywhere I would've followed you<br>Say something, I'm giving up on you

And I am feeling so small  
>It was over my head<br>I know nothing at all

And I will stumble and fall  
>I'm still learning to love<br>Just starting to crawl

Say something, I'm giving up on you  
>I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you<br>Anywhere I would've followed you  
>Say something, I'm giving up on you<p>

And I will swallow my pride  
>You're the one that I love<br>And I'm saying goodbye

Say something, I'm giving up on you  
>And I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you<br>And anywhere I would've followed you  
>Say something, I'm giving up on you<p>

Say something, I'm giving up on you

Say Something – _Great Big World_

Chapter 14 Giving Up

It was surreal, we had left the cottage seven years ago and since then we had been generally doing the same thing. Even though we moved and the scenery changed, the cover story was the same; Dad, mom, and daughter. We moved, we bought houses, we fixed them, and then we sold them. Each place we lived Beth and Tony would make sure before we left that we experienced what the area had to offer. We never stayed anywhere for more than a couple of years, give or take a couple of months. We never ventured out into the community. We interacted with humans as we had supplies delivered or ran to the hardware store. However outside of that we did not socialize with anyone.

This life Beth and Tony had given me was good. I did the best I could, but my pain was there. It never fully left. It was there with me, he was there with me where ever we went; his memory, their memory followed.

When we left the forest our first new hometown was Cleveland, Ohio. We had picked it for the simple fact that it had a fair amount of foreclosed homes due to the recession and it reported over two-hundred and ninety days of cloud cover a year. I was so used to taking care of everyone in my life that I was very thrown off by Beth's mothering and Tony's insistence on helping and teaching me. He had great patience with me as I learned to control my strength and when I worried that he would get frustrated with me for causing a delay or making him spend money on new supplies he always surprised me. He mentored me in a way that was not patronizing but he was strict that I learn it correctly. He laughed off my mistakes and occasionally gave me a good ribbing before I could get into a funk. Beth always took care of the details, she added the details that made a home special. Even with my sometimes inability to manage my strength, we moved through these homes quickly. Most of the homes were from the forties and fifties. They all had some type of large porch and needed some cosmetic maintenance and upgrades. We had sold every home except one we had finished that looked like the home from a Christmas Story. It seems after the movies release and the fact that it was filmed there, the design became popular. I was surprised that Tony and Beth had never seen the movie.

"Oh my gosh, you are kidding, right?" I blurted out, after realizing they had not seen one of the great Christmas classics when they did not catch on to my comparison. "Have you been living under a rock?" I guffawed.

"We don't really.." Tony trailed off sounding a little apprehensive.

"You don't what?" I asked

"Bella, we never really keep up with current cinema fads." Beth answered quietly.

"It never dawned on me that the only thing on when we have actually had a television is the news." I chuckled. "We need to get a DVD player and start getting movies. You have a lot of catching up to do."

"Bella, we have survived a long time without one." Tony began.

For the first time I really felt like a child asking for something just for pure want. He was right we had done fine without it but now that I had thought about it, I really wanted to watch a movie. "Please, pretty please." I pouted.

As soon as I turned to Beth I knew I had won. "Oh alright. We will get one the next time we go for supplies." She gushed as she gave me a quick hug. I jumped in place but when it struck a memory, my hyper reaction all but ceased.

Within a week we had a DVD player and we laughed hysterically throughout, one of the greatest Christmas comedies in history. For weeks after every time I asked Tony to hand me a tool or anything he would respond in a high sing song voice, "You'll shoot your eye out." This was also the beginning of two family traditions. Weekly movie night and of course, the next Christmas, Tony kept singing Deck the Halls, mimicking the restaurant singers, and he insisted that we watch the movie together and it be a family tradition from now on. This home we would only rent out so it would be available if we ever return to the area.

Though Cincinnati has a rich history, and The Rock N Roll Hall of Fame it did not hold us for long. So we moved on to Philadelphia, Pennsylvania again it had boasted over three-hundred days of cloud cover. We could have worked more modern homes but decided for the challenge of renovating or restoring older homes. We had completed several brick homes within the city and we had even purchased an old hoop skirt factory on Arch St, that we converted into condominiums. We were a great work force. I had learned what there was to know about repair and building.

However getting to where I knew everything there was to know was the problem. Now that I did not need to be shown how to do any of the work and I was in control of my strength and could do the delicate work it gave my vampire mind plenty of room to be distracted by other things. I had learned that by trying to focus on pushing my memories away I was keeping them too close to the surface, the solution was giving up. If I gave up, not trying to push them down, not trying to keep them close, just letting them be, the memories of my other family were becoming easier to bare. Don't get me wrong I still missed them terribly when I thought of them; I just avoided thinking of them all together. I wish I had mastered that skill with him. The memories of him were just as fresh and heartbreaking as when he left and he was always there in my mind when I closed my eyes.

I sometimes wondered if that was what Beth did as well but I was too afraid to ask. I knew they both had their own demons but for the most part we all kept them in check, never showing or talking about what was buried inside us. At times one or both of them would pull away and that was when all my insecurities would creep in. I would be scared that I was still not good enough, that I was still unlovable. The only consolation I had that this was not true, was that as those feelings would find a hold in my heart and I would begin to pull away as well, it would be the trigger for Beth and she would become extra motherly almost like she had something to make up for. Tony who was always our rock would seem to breathe a little easier and the father figure I had grown to love would return.

I decided I needed a challenge and a distraction, so I convinced Beth and Tony to purchase the Oyer House in Huntingdon, Pennsylvania to restore. They were so thoughtful and caring that it really was just asking. At times like this, it was easy to see them as mom and dad though I had never called them that. In this relationship they took care and taught me, not the other way around. In my past I more or less let Charlie and Renee know what I was doing not asking. If I was mature enough to take care of them then I was entitled to that privileged. Even though I was a legal adult for the first time, I truly felt like a child being indulged by their parents and it was a wonderful feeling. The home was listed on the National Register of Historical Places. It was built in 1830 out of a local white stone. The architecture of the home was Federal and it had seven fireplaces and four bedrooms. Someone and renovated the home in the 1990's but I was going to restore it. To distract myself from memories I would oversee the entire project. It took several months to gather all of the original hardware and authentic period pieces I wanted to complete the home.

This home was not the usual home that Tony and Beth would keep, but they knew I was proud of my work and wanted to keep it for me. Plus it was near several state parks, had its own pond that attracted wildlife. I was pleased with the gift and wanted to share it so desperately with the mother who had loved this type of activity. I understood the feeling of accomplishment she must have felt each time she completed one of the family homes. I imagined taking her on a tour of my completed work. The white exterior with each widow framed with blue shutters. The large entry way with beautiful arches and a grand staircase. I loved the built in wooden pieces we restored in the dining room that would never be used. The amazing stencil work that we had to touch up found under layers and layers of wallpaper. I would have loved to share each piece with her.

It was while we were completing this home that we came across the first vampire other than Tony and Beth I had met since my change. He was a charismatic vampire who had been changed while servicing in the army during the Revolutionary War. His name was Garrett and like most vampires he was exceptionally handsome but I had no pull to him. The way he spoke would captivate you with the stories of his heroics during his human life and the hysterics of his nomadic adventures. He was very charming and had great stories to tell. I enjoyed his company and the distractions that he offered. Garrett was very shocked when he learned I had never had human blood, his first reaction was to correct that oversight.

"Bella, I know your 'parents' live this life style but you cannot make an educated decision if you have not looked at or experienced the other options." he began. "You need to experience how most of our kind live before you decide to forgo it completely. We would not hurt anyone that is innocent. I only feed from the dregs of society, the criminals." As soon as that last part left his mouth, I froze as I remembered Edward talking about his rebellious phase and the edges of my soul burnt. I had never considered trying human blood and was still convinced of that but the memories of him hurt, the memories of his self-hatred for that same act was unbearable and even the thought of letting him, his family and even Beth and Tony down was torturing.

Mistaking my reaction to his suggestion, he quickly tried to repair the damage created by his comments. "Bella, please relax. It was only an offer to allow you the full experience. I see that you are repulsed by it. I will not mention it again." He stated before continuing in a quiet mumble. "I am sorry if I repulse you."

That was enough to pull me from the stricken statue I had become in those few seconds. "No, Garrett I am not repulsed by you. What you said only brought up a memory, it meant nothing. However I would not like to join you for a hunt. I am comfortable in the life I have chosen, Thank you." I let him off the hook and prayed that no one asked me what memories had been conjured in my head.

In the end, Garrett had only stayed with us for a few weeks as he found our way of life peculiar and even though we thought of him as a friend things had been awkward after he had insinuated that he and I could be companions. Expressing that waiting for a mate could be a long time to be alone. I had let him know that it just was not an option for me. He had let out a pained chuckle as he expressed that I was born with the morals the puritans of his time or maybe Tony and Beth had successfully convinced me to follow their moral guides. Being hurt he snidely pointed out that I did not follow the social norms of my own birth period. I let it slide, I could not really explain that it had little to do with morals and the fact that I already knew the one person I would want to be my companion and he did not want me. I was still working on giving up on that notion. I hoped that if I ever did find my mate that this pain would vanish but for now I would continue to work on giving up.

When we parted ways Garrett told us he envied our ability to stay in one place and to seem to fit in with people around us. He wished us well and continued on.

With everything Pennsylvania had to offer we stayed in the Oyer house longer than most and really enjoyed much of the diverse activities offered. We had all acted youthful and were able to push our pain down as we spent a pleasant cloudy day at Sesame Place. Beth and I had our picture taken with every Muppet we found. It felt very different from the many times Renee had taken me places. Renee dragged me to things she wanted to do. Beth did all the silly things so that I could experience it. We went to The Civil War Museum and Gettysburg; my heart seized and I considered stealing something for the first time when I spotted a picture of Jasper as a human. I reminded myself that I had a picture of Jasper if I wanted it but that made me think of all the photos I had and never looked at and the pain made me freeze in place as I stared at the grainy photo. Jasper had been lined up with a group of men near a canvas tent overlooking a camp identified as somewhere near Galveston. Tony noticed my sudden change in mood and directed me out of the museum. When he had asked what had happened, and how something so old had bothered me so, I could not answer him and I was grateful when he did not press for more information. Our favorite place ended up being The Crayola Experience. We each got our own personalized crayon at Wrap-it Up, we were each turned into our own coloring page at Be A Star, and our first family photo was also a coloring page that we turned into a puzzle at Puzzle it. Beth seemed a little out of sorts with all of the families with their children running around but when I tried to ask about it, Tony deflected me and I knew they were not ready to tell their secrets either.

Following Pennsylvania we stayed in the north east, and moved to Buffalo, New York. It was easy to pick up abandoned homes and we decided we would work on them and make a lucrative business in renting these properties. As we moved home to home the dreary weather reflected the omnipresent present depression that seemed to build and follow us as we went. However there was enormous amounts of the city that needed renovation and some of the work we did was donated to local charities. I kept hoping that as we kept pushing through that at some point the the fog would lift and we could move forward. As the repressing emotions took over it was becoming harder and harder to give up.

It seems that even though we were happy together the idea of doing this for the rest of eternity was weighing on me and I was not sure if it was my mood that effected Tony and Beth or if they felt it too. I did not know how life had been for them when I was not around but I feared that maybe they were growing tired of me.

I was hesitant but also relieved when Tony made the suggestion that we return to the cottage to regroup and decide our next move. We did not bother seeing any sites or looking for other distractions in the area. We had sold or donated a substantial amount of our work, however Tony quickly found a real estate agency to oversee the selling of each home. We did not keep one in this area and with the bleak memories this place conjured, for that I was thankful. With-in two weeks we were back home in our little cottage.

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><p>If you like my story, have questions or suggestions, PLEASE REVIEW. I am always open to inspiration.<p> 


	15. Memories

Disclaimer: Twilight is still not mine, just like playing in Stephanie's sandbox. All poetry is the property of the original author.

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><p>AN:

So a few days ago I promised my reviewers a new chapter within two days, when I was hit with a Kidney infection so I am sorry for the delay. I hope you enjoy the chapter.

Thank you for all of your reviews and inspiration. I try to respond to all my reviews, if I missed you I am sorry. Know that it was greatly appreciated. I am still looking for inspiration to the conclusion of the story, I hope you will continue with me. I have some wonderful feedback and I hope it continues.

Many thanks to everyone who has followed and favorite-d me. I love knowing people are enjoying the story.

Thank you, Thank you, and Thank you! Everyone who has posted reviews, I really appreciate them. They keep me inspired to keep going. Please review if you like my story. They are a real bright spot in my day.

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><p>By the dismal tarns and pools<br>Where dwell the Ghouls,-  
>By each spot the most unholy-<br>In each nook most melancholy-  
>There the traveller meets aghast<br>Sheeted Memories of the Past-  
>Shrouded forms that start and sigh<br>As they pass the wanderer by-  
>White-robed forms of friends long given,<br>In agony, to the Earth- and Heaven.

Dreamland – _Edgar Allan Poe_

Chapter 15: Memories

The atmosphere when we returned to the cottage was coarse and awkward. Our interactions were stilted and short. We had faced nothing in New York that had set us or our emotions off but we had shut each other out. I was not trying to shut them out, only protect them from my pain, my issues. I could see and was sure their bond was still secure but couldn't help but wonder what this meant for us, for me. So our days were filled with reading, hunting, and all the other mundane activities that we had done in the cabin before. None of which held my attention or concentration. They had been great as I learned to control my strength and get through my newborn phase but now they were just something to occupy my hands while my mind was free to wonder. The longer this feeling grew the more I knew I needed something to else. However I did not dare approach Tony and Beth about this, everything felt so strained and I did not want to be the one to set off the conversation that could end with me being alone.

As days turned into weeks, the feeling of hopelessness kept creeping into my chest. As I saw the sadness on their faces, I realized that they were not going to ask me to leave. Just like with Renee I was keeping them from their happiness. Just like Charlie they were tired of my sadness. I was being selfish staying with them so I would not be alone. I would leave so they could be happy again.

The idea of leaving them tore at me and I was always looking for any reasons to put it off but since the realization of my selfishness, it was hard to not see what I was doing to them. I escaped to the surrounding woods to clear my head and figure out the next phase of my existence. I still had all the money Jasper had left me as well as the keys to the truck. I would not ask for any of the money from our time together. I would live as a nomad for a while, there really was nothing to plan. My heart could not keep being torn apart so I planned to be alone. The only thing left to do was say goodbye.

I knew I had to approach them and tell them in person I was leaving. I has thought about running and not looking back however, it had really hurt me when my last family had left without saying good-bye, I would at least give them that much respect and say it to their faces. After making my decision, I began my way back but as I approached the cottage, it all became too much. The fact that I would be losing another family and that I would be alone, truly a nomad. I crumbled to the ground under a large pine and sobbed. I knew at some point the tears would ease and I would be able to say my farewells, but they could wait just a little longer.

I am not sure how long I had been there crying, when I felt I was being lifted up and carried. Tony did not say a word as he took me back to the cottage. He rubbed soothing circles on my shoulder as her carried me and did not ask why I was crying. I was not sure if I was ready for this but he had brought me back to their home and I needed to become ready.

As soon as Tony sat me down Beth had me in a tight embrace and she too was sobbing. I knew then that even though I had tried not to love them, I had failed. I cared for them deeply, by Beth's reaction maybe they cared for me. It was then that I realized that maybe it just wasn't enough and maybe that was how my other vampire family felt as well.

"Bella I am so sorry we brought you back here if it hurts so much" she sobbed.

"No, I love the cottage. I am sorry I am so miserable, that I am not enough." I cried. "I never meant to make you existence difficult. I hope we can always be friends." I trailed off.

"Friends? Bella what are you saying? Are you leaving us?" Beth panicked, pulling away to try to look in my eyes that I had diverted from looking at either of them.

"Bella, do you not want to be with us?" Tony asked quietly, sounding unsure and broken.

I was just as unsure of their reaction as I was their feelings for me but I would be honest. Not to mention Tony would know if I was dishonest but not why. "I realize how unhappy I have been and I have watched how it effects you. I know you were happier before I came." I rambled on. "I realize I am not much. That is why they left as well. I know now that they cared but it wasn't enough. I don't want to make you feel obligated to care for me." I whimpered.

"Obligated, we are obligated because you are our child. Not just because we bit you but because we love you Bella. You are our daughter." Beth was indignant.

"Bella, we are a family. We are not leaving you and we are not letting you leave. Do you understand, my child?" Tony said as he grabbed my shoulders and giving me a stern look, which said not to question him.

I was overcome with emotions and leaned into him and whimpered "Yes dad." I needed this, I needed them. As soon as I said the word dad, Tony had me in a strong hug, like I had never had before. Beth soon joined in the embrace and I whimpered, "Sorry, mom." We truly were a family.

After sometime in our family hug our cries began to lessen and by the look on my parents' faces I knew we were going to have a talk.

"Bella, honey why on earth did you think we wanted to get rid of you?" Beth, mom asked.

"You have seemed so unhappy and I thought maybe I was..." I let the words die on my lips.

"Honey, we each have acknowledged that there is past pain in our lives. Sometimes it is hard to deal with, as I am sure you know. This is the first time we have had anyone around us when it had been this bad." Dad insisted. "But we never loved you less. We are sorry you felt unloved."

"I am sorry that I took it personally." I began.

"Bella, it is not your fault." Mom interrupted. "However dear, I think maybe it's time that we share what we keep hiding. If you understand our pain and us yours, maybe next time we can know how to help each other and not take it the wrong way."

I nodded my head, knowing it was time. We moved to take seats in the small living room. We could have stayed standing. We could have stood while holding the car above our heads but this felt right. It was then that I realized that there were many things that our bodies did not need but that our hearts and minds did. Our human traits were balm to our troubled souls. I was scared and did not know how to start or what to tell them. I was still scared to tell them, I knew they loved me but I had always been self-sufficient but it had always been at a cost. I was interrupted from my thoughts when Tony began.

"Bella, I know you are struggling with talking about your pain and I hope by hearing our story that you will feel more comfortable sharing yours." He went on, "I would like to tell you about us becoming what we are and the sorrow that came with it. Is that okay with you dear?"

I nodded for him to continue.

"I was very ill when this life was decided for me. Back during our human lives the practice of medicine was not as advanced as it is today. It was not uncommon for someone to pass away when they became ill and I would have if I had not been bit." I winced at how true I knew this to be. "I was very ill when a vampire bit me. I am sure I do not need to remind you of the change. "I just shuck my head. Dad pressed on "When I awoke there was a man and several other people in various stages of the change. While I was burning he had begun explaining to me what I was, how I was made into this thing, how we would feed, and as he began to tell me his plan to create an army and that we would be protecting people from another evil force, I knew that we would not be protecting anyone. I do not know how I knew but it was as plain to me as you sitting here that he was lying to me. I did not know what we would be doing, as you are aware of my limitation, I know I am being lied to but not the truth and not why I am being lied to. However, I was consumed by memories of my family with a dire need to find them." He took a deep breath and I knew we were headed for the hard part of the story. "I did not confront the man about lying to me, but I stood to leave, I was going after my family. He blocked my way, and when I told him I would not help him fulfill his evil plan he lunged for me. I began to fight with blind rage and yelled that he was a liar. In my human life I could be very persuasive and I piled a great many accusations against this man as I fought with him. I suppose this played with the volatile emotions of the other newborns.  
>When mayhem broke out I made my escape." Dad's eyes looked far away like he was not seeing what we were seeing. "When I found my way out of the building I was in, I realized that I was in the sub-basement of the hospital I had been in. As soon as I was free I found my way upstairs and realized it was sunny. I waited in the shadows for night to fall thinking that I would burn to ash if I was outside. When twilight came I rushed home. We had a couple of employees who worked our home, whom I scared greatly. It was then that I found that my wife and child had been taken to the hospital ill as well."<p>

This story pained me greatly. I felt like I was missing something as he told me the story, like this should mean something to me, but I could not remember clearly and chalked it up to one of my muddy human memories.

"I returned to the hospital and located my wife and child. I could smell another vampire and knew I had to work quickly. Beth was very ill and our child, so young and so strong. I did not want to take his life while he still had so much ahead of him" I idly wondered how young their child was.

"I knew Beth was slipping fast, so I bit her and ran from the hospital back to our home. I dismissed the servants and took her to our room. I did not know how long the change would take, so I kept a vigil at her side. I knew I had been in the hospital for five days and was much weaker than our baby. If she was not awake in four days I would return to the hospital. As you know it was about three days when my love awoke and we were both consumed by the love for our child." He stopped to take several breaths.

"We were waiting until night fall to return for our child." Mom began, "It gave us plenty of time to talk. We had made the decision, that if our baby was healthy we would not interfere, we would watch from the sidelines and let nature take its course. However if things were not well," she sobbed.

"Then he would join us in this life." Dad sighed.

I moved to my mother's side and engulfed her in a fierce hug. I knew I could not replace their long lost child, but I loved them and wanted to make them feel better. I was starting to understand how strong their love could be.

"As we came upon the hospital, we could both smell it. We could smell the scent of several vampires. We remained hidden, our fear mounted as we tried to get closer. It was then that we saw them, vampires in dark robes that went all the way to the floor and billowed in the breeze." Mom was sobbing as Dad trembled from the emotion of the story. "As we looked at the hospital trying to figure out how to get in, we noticed the doors had all been blocked. You could hear the screaming from inside the building and before we could comprehend what was happening, the monsters in the dark robes, The Volturi set the hospital on fire." Dad snarled his last sentence and broke into sobs of agony.

I was horrified. They had lost their child in a most heinous way and they had to witness it. I could only imagine how it would feel to lose a child but to see them murdered, I could not fathom it. I held to my mother for dear life and I was struck with the similarities in my vampire mothers, both of them had lost a child, this was something they also shared with Renee. Again I felt like I was missing something as the story ended, like this should mean something to me, but I could not remember.

As I sat holding my parents, my thoughts drifted to my other mothers. With Renee, I had always been the adult, but I am sure she still hurt because I was gone and even though I doubted that Esme saw me that way, she had still taken that place in my heart and was the first mother to make me feel like the child I am, to feel loved and protected. In that instant I desperately wanted both of them to know I missed them but that I was okay.

I was pulled from my thoughts by mom, "Bella, honey you have to promise to always stay with us. You cannot leave. I cannot bare to lose another child." she stated as she chocked back her cries.

"Mom, Dad, I will never leave you. I am here as long as you will have me." I vowed.

We sat together taking comfort in each other's arms. There were whispered words of comfort and assurance. I had never experienced emotional support like this before. I was always the backbone with my mother and my father kept it all inside even when you could just look around his home and see the emotional pain he was in. This was new to me and I could feel a permanent change happening with in me and it was unnerving.

After we had calmed I knew it was my turn but I wanted just a few more moments and we had just calmed down. I knew my pain was nothing compared to the true terror they had gone through and though it may not tear them apart it will kill me to think of them all specifically again.

"We should go for a quick hunt." Dad suggested and I was so thankful. This would give me a few more moments to collect myself. I think that was why Dad suggested it.

As we took off into the forest, my head was filled with non-specific memories. Memories of feelings and impressions. I knew if I began thinking more specifically I would crumble to the forest floor and would not make it back home to tell my pathetic tale. I took down three deer and turned to head back to the cottage. When I returned to the cottage, mom and dad were already waiting and mom was sitting on the small couch with her arms open for me. Dad was sitting on the chair next to the couch on the opposite side of mom.

"Bella, I know this morning was difficult, but I think it is best if we keep going, okay honey?" Dad encouraged.

I nodded my agreement. If we did not go on, I would lose my nerve. I settled in next to mom. I took a deep steadying breath and began.

"I am not sure where to start but I would like you to know a little bit about my life before the changes that set me on this course." they both nodded for me to continue.

I gave them the quick version of my muddy childhood with Charlie and Renee. How the separated when I was little. I told them about my sporadic hair brained mother, how her child like attributes were endearing but for the first time I told someone how hard it was to be the grown up. To make sure the bills got paid, the house got cleaned, what it was like to have to be the one to encourage her to go to work when all she wanted to do was play hooky, and how I was the one to be there whenever he heart was broken. I told them how it hurt to grow up without my dad. How it felt when he did not fight for me or when he readily agreed to change our summers to a two week vacation. They were the only ones who knew, how when I finally moved to be near him, I was so appreciative of the things he did for me but as I settled in, our relationship was more of fond roommates and friends and not that of a child. It hurt that I made the sacrifices I did for those that I loved and I had no idea if they would do the same. I appreciated that Beth was upset that I did not have much of a childhood and even though she did not say it I knew she blamed Renee for that. I could feel the tension they felt about my history but I wanted them to know the real me. I was not happy with my how cloudy my memories until they came into my life were becoming so out of focus. I continued on until my move to Forks.

"Like I told you before I noticed the other vampires on the first day of school and though I did not know what they were at the time I knew they were different. Following lunch I had biology and one of them was in my class." I winced at this memory. "He behaved strangely toward me, almost hostile. I did not know it then but I was his singer."

Dad gasped at the news that I was sitting next to my singer. "Is he why you were on the run? Did he hurt you?" he needed to know.

"He was not who I was running from. I was honest before when I told you the woman chasing me Victoria and I know he had nothing directly to do with it. As for him hurting me, yes but not physically." I answered.

Mom squeezed my shoulders and Dad nodded for me to continue. I chuckled as I began the next part of my story "I was a very observant human" I reminded them "and noticed just about everything. He has the gift of reading minds, everyone's but mine. We never did figure out why. This caused a few slip ups for him because I did not always react the way others may have. We had very tense interactions and now I believe if I did not intrigue him so much maybe he could have walked away but I could not. I still cannot explain the pull I had to him. There was an incident at school where I was almost hit by a car, which surely would have crushed me. Without thinking he risked exposure and saved me." I took another deep breath and continued. "After sometime and help from the legends of my shape shifter friends, I figured out he was a vampire. When I had confirmed to him that I knew what he was, we entered into a relationship of sorts."

"A romantic relationship?" mom quirked her eyebrow at me.

I nodded. "At least for me it was." I winced at the memory that it was only one sided.

Mom sensing my unease but misinterpreting my reaction, tried to soothe me. "Honey, we are not disappointed. In fact you have made us so proud. You made your own decisions when Garrett offered to take you hunting a more traditional diet. You were, unmoved by his proposition." Mom looked down to her hands fidgeting in her lap. She looked similar to how I would have if I was blushing. "We understand that you grew up in another era," huh, what is mom saying. "But do you think it was safe to be in an intimate relationship," Oh dear lord. If I could blush I would be redder than a tomato. "You  
>could have been-"<p>

"No, no, no." I cut her off. "It wasn't like that. He is very old fashioned."

"What does that mean?" Dad asked. I noticed that his jaw clench and unclenched. Oddly I felt a surge of love from his protective stance. "He never forced himself on you, did he?"

"No, he was a complete gentleman at all times. We never did anything more than hold hands, cuddle, or steal kisses from each other. He was kind." I winced again. "Even though he did not love me. He always took care of me. I was bit by another vampire and he sucked the venom out." I whimpered and took in a shaky breath.

"Bella, I can feel that what you are saying is true but are you sure you were his singer? To suck out venom mixed with your blood would take such restraint." Dad questioned.

I nodded my head.

"I think we should let you complete your story." Mom encouraged.

I explained how are relationship developed, of our twenty questions and wanderings through the forest. I told them how most of the family had become a second family to me. Mom held me as I cried as I replayed the flight from Charlie headed to Phoenix, all the guilt I felt for the cruel things I had said. I could feel the growls running through them as I told them in detail of James attack and both sighed in relief as I told them how my other vampires destroyed him.

That was when mothers intuition kicked in, "The woman that came  
>after you, she was James' mate." She stated, it was not a question. I nodded my confirmation.<p>

Dad was pacing the room. "They left you unprotected after they killed her mate!" He snarled. "How dare they make you so vulnerable."

"I don't think they knew. The nomads seemed to be trying to through us off of their hierarchy." I had never thought about them knowing what they left me to. The thought hurt so much I could not give it room to grow inside me. What would that really mean if they knew she would come for me?

Noticing my growing distress, dad came to sit next to me and began rubbing soothing circles on my arm as mom continued to rock me. This was very hard to get through but I knew it was benefiting our family. "Please continue." Dad asked.

I told them how the father of the group had tended to me. How the girl I thought was my best friend helped me with my personal needs. I talked of my bear of a brother had worked to entertain me. How the mother dotted over me. I knew the hard part for me was still to come and in an effort to give myself just another moment and possibly to not paint the worst picture of him, I told them about prom.

"He sounds so sweet." Mom whispered. He was but even if only for a little while.

I glazed over most of our summer, which was private. "I thought we were madly in love. I was willing to become like him to spend eternity together. I was so naïve!" I spat. "Anytime the subject came up he would become unhappy. He would tense and then deflect the conversation by compliments and reassurances of his love." I whimpered as the thought passed that I was now the one thing he never wanted me to be. "They decided to hold a birthday party for me against my wishes." I rushed out, I needed to get through this quickly. "They were overzealous in their planning, and I was wildly ungrateful. I feel guilty about it now. I suffered a paper cut while I was unwrapping my gifts and you can imagine what the smell of blood could do with so many vampires in one room. In his attempt to protect me from his siblings I was injured farther." I took a deep settling breath before going on. "While the father fixed up my wounds was the first time I learned that the man I loved believed he had no soul and I wondered if that was why he was afraid to change me, which maybe it was the fear for my soul that bothered him but I was wrong." I sobbed. I cried as I tried to relay what had happened following my party. "They left and he did not want me." I cried. I am not sure how long I bawled for my lost family but this was the first time I could tell anyone the truth. When I was able to continue I finished telling them everything that happened after the family left up until they saved me. I shared with them in detail about the items that were left for me and how when I thought about them it still haunted me.

Once again I sat in the arms of my parents being comforted. After I had time to compose myself and lock those emotions away it was time to talk.

"Honey, I know how much this hurts but do you think that maybe everything isn't how it seems. That maybe he lied to you because he truly did fear for your soul? That maybe he still loves you. It sounds like he might be your mate." Dad stated solemnly.

I began to violently shake my head. "No, no, no... I was only a distraction then. Now I would only be an immortal annoyance." I did not want to think about this anymore, it hurt to think that he was out there and that maybe we were meant to be together. I wanted to be numb.

"Bella, you could never be an immortal annoyance. They were the lucky ones to have had you in their life. They were also the foolish ones to let you go." mom cooed.

After several minutes I was able to push those memories to the back of my mind and decided I needed to let my needs be known. "Mom, Dad. I cannot just sit around the cottage anymore and I cannot go back to building houses. I need something to challenge my mind. Keep me distracted. I need something more than hunting and reading."

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><p>If you like my story, have questions or suggestions, PLEASE REVIEW. I am always open to inspiration.<p> 


	16. Getting Better

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight, I am just thankful to get to play with them for a little while. All poetry is the property of the original author.

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><p>AN:

I know everyone wants the Bella/Cullen reunion and I PROMISE it will happen, sooner than most of you think. As one of my reviewers said what is a story with out a little suspense, so even though most of you are right I will not confirm for a little longer.

**Thank you, Thank you! All of you who have followed or favorite-d me. As I have read on Fanfiction I never realized how awesome it is to get reviews. They are so addictive, please keep them coming if you like the story or have any suggestions.**

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><p>You may shoot me with your words,<br>You may cut me with your eyes,  
>You may kill me with your hatefulness,<br>But still, like air, I'll rise.  
>Still I Rise<em>By Maya Angelou<em>

**Chapter 16: Getting Better**

"What did you have in mind?" Dad asked.

I was not sure how they would react to this request but I wanted to try. "I would like to go back to school." I stated slowly trying to gauge their response. When neither of them spoke, I continued in a rush "Please, I never finished high school because of going on the run and I would really like to. I might even like to go to college, anything for a challenge." I am sure they knew why I wanted something to occupy my time. When they had still not voiced an opinion I continued. "I know you have lived this way for a long time but have you ever thought of doing something different." I was pleading.

"Is this what you truly want Bella?" Dad asked. I nodded. "Do you think you can handle being surrounded by 'people' all of the time?" He asked.

"I think I am ready for it and... and I need this. Please Dad, Mom." I said looking between Mom and Dad. When a small smile started to form on moms lips, I was actually excited for the first time since my change.

"Okay, let's start getting ready. We will have to figure out where we are going to live. Beth you and I will need to decide if we want to continue doing the same thing or if we want a change from real estate. We will need new documents. There is a lot to do." Mom and I were both smiling brightly and I think dad was feasting on our excitement.

The first thing we needed to do was figure out where we would be headed. So we planned a trip into Milwaukee. Our cottage was great for when we wanted to be away but there was no internet for research, no phones, and no contact with the outside world. So we did a long hunt and planned to be there for a week.

We would do the research to find schools and a place to live. We would decide on our back story and get our new identification. Mom and dad had yet to decide what they were going to be doing once we moved as far as I knew. We had started with a long list of cities with universities in case we wanted to stay there for me to go to college. Mom and I narrowed it down to three universities based on their literature program: University of Minnesota, University of British Columbia, and Cornell. When we presented it to dad, he immediately crossed out University of B.C., I quirked my brow at him for an explanation.

"I plan to attend the university also" he stated. "I was a professional in my human life and I think I would like to try that again. I would like to be in the United States, if that is okay with you, Honey?"

"That would be great. Will you be teaching or studying?"

"I was planning on attending college. I had never contemplated teaching." he mused. "I guess since my original degrees would not count and I would have to always be starting over in my field if I did not forge the documents. Hmm, I may just have to teach..." he trailed off as he left caught up in his new options.

After completing our research we decided to move to Enfield, New York. Just outside of Ithaca. Mom found an old estate near Robert H. Tremen State Park. It would be perfect with wildlife always close by. Mom was actually excited to play the role of dotting wife and mother. She would of course renovate the house and said she was looking forward to expanding some of her other talents but was not interested in school.

With the plan secured we would be heading back to the cottage and again prepare it to be vacant. When we returned the atmosphere was different. The tension we had experienced every time I had been there seemed to lift. Though my pain was still there and I am sure so was theirs, it felt like some of the weight of it had been lifted. Since it was spring we would wait until the beginning of summer to move in and start fresh when school starts.

The new relationship with my parents, though it could not take my pain away, it was changing me. Tony, my father, took time to talk to me. He asked for my opinions and complimented my insights. He made a point to out how proud he was of me. Beth, the mother I always needed. Renee, I told myself never meant ill, but her back handed compliments and failed attempts to 'bring me out of my shell', had left my self-esteem shaky; "Bella you could be so pretty if you dressed more your age" or "Bella, you would be so much fun if you weren't busy being thirty something". Even Esme's gentle reprimands for my modern behavior had always taken little chips out of my foundation. Each piece of me that was chipped away was used to place the wall around me heart and now Mom and dad were slowly taking down each brick and rebuilding my personal foundation. It would always be cracked and but it at least now I had one.

The weeks passed quickly and we would be moving soon. We would be making a quick side trip to procure new documents. Dad had informed me that he had normally done them himself, however he had never produced some of the credentials he was getting and would like someone else to complete the task. When he told me would be heading to Seattle for this; I panicked but mom and dad quickly assured me that we would keep a low profile. I did not need to be recognized after all of this time and Alice had not come for me so I did not want to run into them obviously if they had wanted to see me they could have by now.

We arrived in Washington and headed straight to the hotel. We would meet with the attorney first thing in the morning. Stay for a week to receive the finished product and head for New York.

As the evening went on, thoughts of my father and other family consumed me. I became agitated and with every passing minute it got worse.

"Bella, honey what can we do to help you? If I would have realized this would have caused a problem I would not have brought you." Dad asked and I realized how lucky I was to have had such wonderful fathers in my life and knew what I wanted to do, I hoped it  
>would not hurt his feeling.<p>

"Um, would it be possible to..." I let the question die.

"What is it you want, dear?" mom asked.

I decided I would rush through what I was thinking and promised myself I would not be upset or hold it against them if they thought it was a bad idea. Most of all I hoped they would not be hurt. They had been wonderful parents to me and I would be forever grateful to them. "We, we are really close to where I last lived as a human. My human father still lives there, I think. I don't want to hurt you, I love you very much. But I would like to drive by his place to see how he is doing. I don't want to talk to him or let him see me, just check on him." I said it in one breath and I was not sure if the heard me or not, and I felt ashamed for asking this of them. My other vampires had made it clear that I would not be able to.

"Okay, let me go get the car. We have several hours before we have to be anywhere." Dad said calmly.

I was taken back." Are. You. Sure?" I asked. I had been positive that they would give me a lecture on why I should not. "I really do not want to hurt you. I just would like to know that he is okay?" I said quietly.

"Of course we are sure honey. We told you we would have checked on our family had we been given the chance. If it will give you piece of mind then we would love to. From what you told us, your parents depended on you more than you them. It seems right that you would be worried about them taking care of themselves." Mom said as she gave me a side hug.

Within a few minutes we were in the car headed east on the one-oh-one, to Forks. I was grateful for the tinted windows we had got in the rental car. I started to worry about my reaction if I saw someone I knew, sensing my distress mom wrapped her arms around me and started tracing patterns on my arm. It soothed my nerves until we passed the Welcome to Forks sign. I was whipping my head around far too fast for a human. I was excited and scared to see anyone. Since it was the late evening, it was not surprising that not many people were out.

I had dad avoid the diner as he drove and headed to my house. As we pulled up to the house, the cruiser was still there, that was a good sign. My truck was there but was over grown with the green that seemed to be everywhere in this town. My breathing became quicker. There was a couple additional vehicles in front of the home as well that I did not recognize and I wondered who Charlie might have over.

"That is Charlie's police car. I guess that is a good sign." I said pointing to his car like they could not figure it out. "That big truck that is becoming part of the earth" I jested "used to be my truck." I sat staring at the house not sure what I had hoped to gain from this. "I guess we can go now."

"What? You really haven't checked on him. We did not drive this far for you to look at a couple of cars." Dad ranted.

Huh? "I, I can't go up there. I don't want to risk it." I stammered.

"You know your control is fine. However, I know this is important to you and I will not let you miss the opportunity. I am going to look for you." He stated.

He started to open the car door when the scent hit us. "What is that?" I gagged.

"I think it is a werewolf?" Dad answered. "It is a little off, though."

I was really torn, now. I did not want to risk exposure but I could not leave without making sure my father was safe. As soon as the thought was in my head I was moving up the side of my house to my old bedroom. Before I knew it, dad was next to me. He nodded; he understood why I could not just leave. I was surprised when I saw my room; this was not my room anymore. I did not expect it to still be my room but I did not expect it to be a boys room, definitely not Charlie's but a bedroom for a guy. The odor here was stronger. I jumped from the ledge and crept up to the living room window. In a matter of seconds I had seen everything and while the pieces were still coming together in my mind, I heard a husky voice I did not recognize, excuse himself to retrieve something from his car. In the blink of an eye I was back in the vehicle with mom crouched down so no one could see me. I was surprised when I realized dad had not followed me.

"Get in the car." I hissed.

"No, I will make sure he is safe for you and possibly more." he whispered back.

"Do not, tell them anything about me." I seethed.

Just then I hulking man child exited the house, he had copper skin and short black hair, reminded me of someone, and he was shaking. "Who are you and what do you want?" He hissed.

Dad raised his hands in surrender and made eye contact. It seemed this small act soothed the guy. "We are friends of Bella's. We wanted to stop by and check on her father. She was very concerned for him the last time we saw her." dad explained.

"You know Bella? Do you know where she is? If she is coming home?" This guy went from shaking angry to excited and all trembling had stopped.

"Yes, I know Bella. I do not know where she is at the moment. I also do not know if she will ever come back home?" he lied to the boy, something he detested, but he would do it to protect me. "I was hoping to check on her father to report to her if we ever crossed paths again. May I ask who you are?"

"Are you with the Cullen's?" the boy asked bitterly.

Mom gasped, but dad just continued. "I do not know any Cullen's? Why do you ask?"

"They were another group of vampires who used to live in the area. They too were interested in Bella." he answered.

"No we are not with them; I can assure you we mean no harm. We only wanted to do a favor  
>for a friend." dad answered.<p>

"I can tell by the color of your eyes you do not hunt humans. However I am from the Quilluete tribe and it is our responsibility to protect the people of this area from danger that they are not supposed to know about." Dad nodded. "My name is Seth Clearwater." The name sounded familiar. "I am also now Bella's step brother." I clamped my hand over my mouth to make sure the gasp that wanted to come would be muffled. "My mother Sue married her father Charlie a couple of years after my father, Harry Clearwater passed away." Fuzzy images passed in my head of people I remember being part of my father's life, no memories I could pin point though.

"How is her father doing?" dad asked.

"He is okay. He still misses her and holds out hope that she will return home. Even though as a cop he knows the statistical chance of her being okay is slim. "It took him a while but with help he is learning to embrace what we have now and to remember with fondness, that which has passed." he said solemnly.

Dad nodded at his comments. "I am sure Bella would be happy to know there is someone around to keep an eye out for him. I will be sure to tell her, when I see her again" Dad said as he started making his way to the car.

With a quick glance toward the car, Seth spoke "When you see Bells again. Tell her I said hi. Tell her I will take care of Charlie. Tell her, she will always be my friend, no matter what has happened. Let her know she can get in touch if she needs anyone." He had turned back to dad, nodded and started moving back to the door.

"I will let her know. Thank you." Dad said as he ran to the car and as soon as Seth was inside the house he sped off.

No one spoke for most of the ride back to Seattle. Mom and dad were giving me time with my thoughts. I was surprised when I looked in my bedroom and feared being replaced but that feeling quickly faded as I looked in the living room. I could tell there had been changes. I was happy to see that dad was moving past Renee. He had a family photo of him and Sue with her children. To one side was a picture of his best friend Harry. On the other side was a photo of me. On the wall where all of my school pictures had been now also had pictures of Seth and his sister, whose name I could not remember. As I quickly took in the house it was obvious he was being well taken care. I couldn't be happier and was glad dad had stuck around. As I was about to thank him an odd thought hit me and I could not contain my giggle.

A little shocked, mom asked, "Are you going to fill us in on the joke?"

"Sorry." I chuckled. "Dad first, Thank you for that. It was the best news I could have gotten and I don't have to worry about him anymore. I never really worried about my real mother because she had Phil but Charlie had no one. As for my giggles, I have a werewolf for a step brother, or a shapshifter. Our natural enemy and we're family."

"Anytime." Dad said as we headed to the hotel. In a couple of hours we would meet with the attorney to get our new documents.

We had dressed impeccably and headed into the attorneys' office. It was a man by the name of J. Jenks Esq. We were welcomed by a kind receptionist that seemed more afraid of our kind than the normal human.

We eventually were brought back into the office. I noticed how the gentleman appraised me, it made me uncomfortable. "Annabella." he greeted me, as if we knew each other but I had no recollection of this man in my muddy memories.

I quirked my brow at him but it was dad that spoke. "Do you know our Annabella?" I am not sure what Jenks, was thinking but I definitely heard the growl building in dad. I idly wondered if the man was lying to him.

"We have never met." Jenks answered coyly.

"I understand, but you know of her?" again before the man could answer I could feel the growl that was rumbling in dads chest. I realized then that this man must be lying to him or hiding something from him.

"I have done work for her before." Jenks replied. I could not help quirking my brow at the man.

"Did she request the work?" dad seethed. Looking truly like the vampire he is.

"Y-yes, sh-she did." I did not have dads gift and I knew he was lying that time and since I cannot recall this man at all but I had a good idea who would have had the work done. Jasper had provided me with two additional sets of identification in the bag he had created for me. This man could tell the Cullen's where to find me if we had him complete our documents. I was very nervous.

"Do you know the name of the person who requested the papers?" Dad hissed.

As I could hear the snarl build in his chest I desperately wished for dad's gift. I wanted to be prepared for anything. I wanted to know how to answer this man if he was not being honest. I started to see red. This was the first person human or vampire I was truly angry with since my change. Just before this insipid man answered it happened. I felt a pulse run through my body, my muscles tightened and suddenly a cloud that I could sense more than see surrounded me and my parents. Just like dad had explained, it was as plain as he was standing there. This man was lying.

I did not contain my hiss as Jenks answered, "I do not know his name."

Both mom and dad quickly turned to look at me and then were focused on the man in front of us.

"We wish not to be bothered. Will you keep our business confidential?" Dad snarled and I was grateful that he thought of this.

Before the man could answer you could see the fear brought on by the appearance of my seething father, however the man was intending to lie to us. "Of course, all of my business is confidential." I guess as frightening as dad looked it was nothing in comparison to how afraid this man was of Jasper.

"Since you cannot be trusted we will be leaving." Dad shouted. Mr. Jenks looked taken back that dad already declared him untrustworthy without giving him a chance.

"Ton-" mom began.

Dad cut her off. "Mother, we are leaving. I will take care of our needs personally. This is not worth it."

We quickly exited the building and as soon as we reached the car we sped away. Dad dropped mom and I off at our hotel. He did not tell us where he had gone. He returned a couple of hours later with a cab and new plane tickets. When mom had questioned him, he said he had returned the car and had our information cleared from the rental agency. He was determined to destroy anything Jenks may have been able to use to track us and pass on to anyone else. Within another hour we were on our way to Scranton International Airport.

I had yet to explain to my parents what had happened in Jenks office, but dad had given me many long looks like he was trying figure out something. I was hoping they could explain it to me as soon as we were safe at home.

We had finally reached our new home in Enfield and I knew we had a lot to do but I needed answers. "Can I talk to both of you?"

My parents were in front of me in an instant. "Of course, what do you need."

"Some - something happened when we were at Jenks office. I don't know what it was and I need your help to explain it."

"What happened?" dad was very concerned.

"When I kept hearing you growl and hiss I assumed he was lying to you. I wanted, no wished I could have your gift. I wanted to be ready to answer him if he was being dishonest. I began to see red in my vision but it was nothing like bloodlust. It was hatred and anger. Then it happened." I paused and took a deep breath. Would they believe me? Dad nodded for me to continue. "I felt more than saw a cloud expand out of me and cover both of you, as soon as you were inside it dad, I too knew as plain as day that he was lying and could feel when he was only  
>giving partial truths."<p>

Mom and dad looked at each other, then at me before dad began, "Bella, you said you knew about gifts before you met us. How much do you know?"

"Only that some vampires have them and some do not and that they can be anything. The other vampires I knew believed that it was a strong trait that someone had in their human life and it was amplified as a vampire." I answered.

"No one is sure exactly why or how one has the gifts that they receive. I like the philosophy the others had, I was very good at knowing when someone was honest, and I made a career out of it. You said before that some of the others gifts did not work on you." Dad waited for an answer.

"Only one of their gifts did not work. My" I winced, "he could read minds, but not mine. One of them was an em-path, and the other a seer. Both of their powers worked on me."

"You said you believe you experienced my gift, describe it to me." I could tell he was trying to work  
>through this.<p>

"It was a feeling that I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt was true. It was not like I knew it, I felt it." He nodded his head. "Is that how it feels for you too? Empathic?"

"Yes." Dad was in full analytical mode and for a moment I wished my other vampire father was here, he had experience with helping people with their gifts and would possibly be able to help. "Since my power works on you, I would assume the other em-path would. However you were able to use that power as well. As a human you blocked the mind reader, so I would think your gift was powerful even then and probably more so now. That would be something, I don't know, maybe like a shield, a mental shield" he said. "Then the shield and power usage might be two different things. You said you felt a cloud expand around you to cover us both." I nodded my head. "I wonder if that is the shield or if that is for using powers?"

"If it was only for using powers, why would it have covered me as well? As far as we know, I have no 'power'." mom stated.

"I am not sure, dear." Dad was definitely puzzled. "I heard rumor that the Volturi have a guard member that can discern gifts, however I am not willing to risk you that way." Before dad had even finished his sentence mom and I were both shaking our heads. That was not an option. "If we knew where the other vampires you know were, they too may be able to help. There at least would be more powers to help test."

I was vehemently shaking my head against that idea. As much as I wished Carlisle could help I could not handle that kind of pain. "I want to know about my power, but I cannot go through the pain of seeing him and him not wanting me. More so, if I could hear his thoughts and hear how much he does not want me." I sobbed.

Mom held me to her, "We would not ask you to do that." she cooed, giving dad a pointed look.

"I am sorry. It would be nice to have the help in developing your talent but I would never ask you to bare that if it was not necessary." I nodded to my father and concentrated on calming my emotions. We planned to try to work on my power later and with that the discussion was over. We had just gotten here and had plenty to do.

It took some time and research however dad was able to complete all of our documents. During this time we realized that we were also going to need to know how to create electronic information that was not there before. If we were going to live more in the human world, we would need to know how to hack into someone's system to add information or delete our trail.

Mom and dad were not very comfortable with the deception required for computer hacking so I took it upon myself to learn. I only had basic computer knowledge, so during the summer I began auditing the classes for an A.A.S. in computer information systems at Tompkins Cortland Community College in Cortland on the east side of Ithaca. The excitement for change was palpable in the home as we worked to renovate it to meet our needs.

And with all the challenges to keep me busy he was there, in my mind. Anytime I stopped he was there, every memory. Even with my improved sell worth I still missed him and worried why I had not been enough.

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><p>If you like my story, have questions or suggestions, PLEASE REVIEW. I am always open to inspiration. Also I am always looking for good stories to read so any suggestions of your own or other authors would be welcomed.<p> 


	17. Fantasy

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight, I am just thankful to get to play with them for a little while. All poetry is the property of the original author.

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><p>AN:

Sorry I have been gone for a while, Real Life gets in the way. To everyone who reviewed the last chapter, Thank you. I have not had time to reply but I hopefully will soon. As for the reunion, the Cullen POV will be one of the next two chapters, not sure Bella may have one more before we hear from them.

**Thank you, Thank you! All of you who have followed or favorite-d me. As I have read on Fanfiction I never realized how awesome it is to get reviews. They are so addictive, please keep them coming if you like the story or have any suggestions.**

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><p>True, I talk of dreams, Which are the children of an idle brain, Begot of nothing but vain fantasy, Which is as thin of substance as the air, And more inconstant than the wind, who woos Even now the frozen bosom of the north, And being angered, puffs away from thence, Turning his side to the dew-dropping south.<p>

_The Unabridged William Shakespeare Quotations - William Shakespeare_

**Chapter 17: Fantasy**

The summer had gone by quickly. We had purchased the Noble House B&B and mom planned to spend her time returning it to the Queen Ann Victorian that it was. We did basic preparations for our daily needs but they would be redone as mom completed the restoration. The only home we had that rivaled it was the Oyer house in nearby Pennsylvania. This home was built in eighteen-sixty had five bedrooms and six baths. We had over forty-seven acres of land that butted right against one of the four national forests in the area. With its own pond and surrounding orchard it attracted wildlife right into our backyard. The previous owners had converted three of the existing out buildings into suites for the B&B and mom was planning to renovate them to meet our needs.

Dad had spent most of the summer preparing the curriculum for the different classes he would be teaching. For his first year he would be teaching Constitutional Law and Biblical Law. He had read every available textbook and had me read a couple to get my opinion.

To fill my summer I had purchased additional computers and started refreshing my computer skills, spending time learning basic computer coding, and practicing typing at an acceptable human speed. Since leaving Forks I had never really felt connected to the homes we lived in. I allowed mom to decorate my rooms but I never had anything that I held as mine, except the suitcase that sat in the back of every closet I owned.

Three weeks before school began, mom and dad surprised me with a drivers license dad had prepared as well as a classic nineteen sixty-eight Dodge Charger. It was candy apple red with black interior and vinyl hard top. I loved it, plus it would help me blend in better at Ithaca Senior High. With the new freedom I took several night drives. Once I had started to head to the Oyer home feeling an amazing pull but the pain in my chest was too much and I returned home to the safety of my parents.

The summer had been our best yet. The only hitch in our excitement came when dad returned to Chicago to get a few things from the home that he felt would add to our happiness. However when he returned he had to break the news to mom that first unknown vampires had been inside the home. Making both of them feel unsafe and also that a piece of her tea set had been removed. Only a small cup but it held significance to her. He also felt the need to let me know that their copy of 'Wurthering Heights' had been taken as well. The items made no sense and had no connection but whomever took them could not have picked two items that would have affected us more. This time however we had come a long way and we talked about the pain. I found that the set was a traditional family set that they had carried over from their human life and had only ever been used by them and of course their son. I was able to discuss my love of classics and more that this book had been an area of many debates with my former boyfriend and how it brought comfort to me. So with support from each other it was only a stumbling block and not a disaster.

Since we moved in during the summer I was preregistered and would start the first day of school and with all the other students. The junior class alone was the same size as the entire student body of the last high school I attended. I hoped all of this would keep eyes off me. When school began I think it helped but I still caught the eyes of most of the male student body and some of the female population as well. I tried my best to let everyone know I was not interested.

My first period was math and the pop quiz insured my distaste for this class and even though I still hated math, my new vampire mind made the formulas easy to understand. I would tolerate anything because I only wanted to finish high school that was it. I did not want the experience of parties, friends, and romance. I had already done that and nothing or no one would be able to compare to what I had once had. My second class was literature, this had always been my favorite subject until the teacher made us all get up and introduce ourselves. Stiffly I stood up and introduced myself as Isabella, it was the first time I was going by my real first name. Even though they had added a couple of new authors to the list, it was still all books I had already read, how boring. I had Spanish then history before I would head to lunch. There were a couple of girls who invited me to sit with them but I declined and with my new hearing, I instantly heard them bicker of how I thought I was too good for them. I excused myself to 'get something out of my car'. It was then that I wished I could spend lunch with the other family I once thought I would spend eternity with. If my bear of a brother could be there to entertain me, this would not be the worst hour of the day. I quickly shook that thought from my head. Following lunch I had a free period because of the clever doctors note dad got me excusing me from gym class, followed by art class. I was looking forward to the end of the day and dreading it at the same time. My last class was biology and I knew exactly why it was bothering me.

I walked into the class and selected a lab table toward the back of the room. Part of me wanted someone to sit down, so that I could replace the memories running through my mind. The larger part of me did not want anyone to sit in his place. That must have been what people saw on my face. A few people headed toward my table, mostly boys, however once they looked at my face they backed away. I was relieved when the teacher announced that where we were sitting would be our permanent seats. I had another couple of offers to hang out with different groups at school but was lucky that college courses had started the week before and I had a perfect excuse not to accept the invitation.

The first couple of weeks went by and each day I would work up to biology and then sit and let the misery take me for the last hour of school. I had been approached by a handful of students to hang out or study and it turned out that having classes at the community college really worked out for me. I often heard myself being referred to as the beautiful nerd who thought I was too good for everyone. If they only knew. I would often take what people thought was a sack lunch with me into the library, which was only empty containers. Since high school work was not enough to keep my focus I was glad that the computer classes were something of a challenge. It was still not enough time to keep my thoughts and memories gone forever and after school was over for the entire day I would often get home and run straight into the forest surrounding our home. I would run for hours trying to keep the pain away, trying to keep the thoughts away that would flit through my mind. I knew it hurt mom and dad to see me like this but there was nothing I could do about it except try to make sure I spent a few hours each week with them.

Even with the new waves of pain I was experiencing as a side effect of going to high school I would not give it up. I was committed to graduating. Toward the end of the first month of school, the entire student body was all worked up with the excitement of homecoming. The week would be full of school spirit activities culminating in the big game followed by the even more promising dance. It was during this time that my fantasy was born. I had over heard rumors that a couple of people were intending to ask me to go with them, not that I gossiped with anyone but I had good enough hearing that I could hear them tell each other.

It was ironic that it happened in biology by someone none other than by the name of Mike, it was Mike Williams, and it brought fuzzy memories of a former classmate that for some reason made me think of a dog.

Mike approached me at the beginning of class "Isa - Isabella, I was wondering if you will be... If you would like to go.." he could not seem to complete a sentence. Part of me wanted to put him out of his misery, but part of me for once was liking being the girl that guys stuttered over.

"What did you need Mike." I tried to smile but I am sure it wasn't even close.

"Would,, would you like to go to homecoming with me?" he blurted out and I realized he was not the only one waiting to hear my answer.

I knew if I just blew him off then he or someone else would ask me again. I needed a reason that would keep me from going and letting people know I was not available. That is when it slipped out. "I am sorry Mike, I can't. My boyfriend would not be okay with that."

"You. Have. A. Boyfriend?" he said each word like it was painful for him to say.

"Yes." he gave me a look like maybe he thought I was trying to brush him off but it was true. I would never be available to another, he would be my forever even if he did not love me.

"Really?" Mike said sounding cocky, like he was going to prove my lie to everyone. "So who is this mysterious boyfriend? Where is he?"

"You won't know him. He is from my last school." That was when the fantasy started and I could not stop myself once I started. "Masen, goes to my old school in Chicago. He plans to come here and go to Cornell with me once we both graduate high school."

It was then, when I was no longer a threat that other girls in my class began to ask questions about the man that owned my heart. A long distance relationship was very romantic and dreamy to the young females. It was easy to paint the picture of the heart throb that still owned me miles away because I could only picture my beautiful Adonis. I watched as the girls swooned at my description of him. I swear one of them almost fainted when I described in detail the wonderful parting gift he gave me of a song he wrote only for me. The truth was I knew it was going to hurt later but it felt nice to pretend that I still had all of that and to finally be able to brag about what I did have once to anyone.

After that day in class I skipped my evening classes and when I went home I was set to go for a run but ended up sitting on the bank of the pond. I waited for the pain to hit me but I was still too caught up in the fantasy and then something happened I had never let happen before. I began to hum my lullaby. It brought moisture to my eyes that would never fall. For several minutes I envisioned the two of us sitting there just like we had during that amazing summer in our meadow. I lost myself there for hours before I saw the sun rising signaling the new school day.

That day was agonizing as the weight of what was not real suffocated me. However when I went into biology and the silly school girls started asking questions again. I let the illusion of yesterday take hold. I knew it would hurt each day as I returned to the truth but it became my release to everyday for the better part of an hour to live this fantasy, so I did.

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><p>If you like my story, have questions or suggestions, PLEASE REVIEW. I am always open to inspiration.<p> 


	18. Miles To Go

Disclaimer: SM owns Twilight, I am just having fun with her ideas. All poetry is the property of the original author. The rest is mine.

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><p>AN:

I really am sorry I have not updated as quickly as I thought I would be able to unfortunately sometimes life just happens that way. I will try to be quicker. I had some PM me and ask why it is taking so long when I have posted that I have several chapters done. The truth is that I had written most of the story when I posted the first chapter and I was given some good constructive criticism and I have been going over every chapter and hopefully making them better. I am going to try to get the rest of the story out quickly. I want to have this complete before the holidays.

So last time I said I was not sure if the next chapter would be Bell or Cullen POV and decided that I would do a little of both. The last couple of chapters have been filler but I think that time I coming to a close. Please let me know what you think. Hope the super long chapter makes up for the time you had to wait for it.

**Thank you, Thank you! All of you who have followed or favorite-d me. As I have read on Fanfiction I never realized how awesome it is to get reviews. They are so addictive, please keep them coming if you like the story or have any suggestions.**

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><p>Whose woods these are I think I know.<br>His house is in the village, though;  
>He will not see me stopping here<br>To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer  
>To stop without a farmhouse near<br>Between the woods and frozen lake  
>The darkest evening of the year.<p>

He gives his harness bells a shake  
>To ask if there is some mistake.<br>The only other sound's the sweep  
>Of easy wind and downy flake.<p>

The woods are lovely, dark, and deep,  
>But I have promises to keep,<br>And miles to go before I sleep,  
>And miles to go before I sleep.<p>

Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening _Robert Frost_

**Chapter 18: Miles To Go**

**BPOV**

Between high school and my college classes time seemed to move more quickly for me days blending to weeks. With the added dimension of relating to people and events outside of our little family unit time started to have meaning again but it also seemed to move at a rapid forward pace. I knew that it seemed that way because I always had something to look forward to. The next homework assignment, the next project, always something due and the constant looking forward to my brief moments of fantasy. My pain was closer to the surface than it had ever been but it was also manageable because it was not fighting it so much. Each day I gave myself a break from my heartache. Sometimes my fantasies would be only in my head as envisioned whispered conversations. Sometimes that would play out when a classmate would ask about Masen -him. I would detail long phone calls and fill his side with whispered adorations, speculated future plans, but never apologies.

Before I knew it the holidays were upon us. As a family we had decided to travel to the cottage for Christmas. It would give us better hunting for the holidays and a reprieve from the human routines. It also gave me a chance to sell my fantasy to the kids at school. It sounded romantic that I could not make it to any holiday parties because I would be traveling back to Chicago to see my sweetheart and renew our love for one another.

I had been so caught up in my daily walk into my imagination that I did not realize how difficult it would be to not have that safe environment to take this mental break. After that first evening I never allowed myself to fantasize about the family unless it was during the brief time in biology. It was safe, it gave me a defined time to wish they could be with me. If I centralized my fantasies to activities at school or the brief stories I told the star crossed girls I was restricting the torture I could place in my mind. Without the careful confines I had created I was to scared to slip into a day dream, without my restrictions it might consume me and that thought frightened me. We had worked to hard to get to where we were.

The loss of my dream world weighed heavy on me and took a toll. I knew I should have given up my unhealthy fantasies but it was the only time I could think of him, them that it did not torture the still smoldering edges of my wounded heart. The only reprieve I had during the break was our family tradition of watching the Christmas Story and the endless quotes and singing dad would do for days after. This year he decided we would have a Christmas movie marathon. So Christmas started with a morning hunt, then when we returned home and got cleaned up we began. Dad started with 'The Littlest Angel' an old classic, and went on all day with movies like 'Merry Christmas Charlie Brown', 'Miracle on 34th Street', 'It's a Wonderful Life' and several versions of 'A Christmas Carol' including the Muppets and Mr Magoo. Since my human parents were never into Christmas I had never seen so many holiday movies and was surprised when dad said that there were still some we did not get this year. As the break from school came to a close I was conflicted. I was excited to return to school to return to my daydreams. However I kept telling myself that I had made it this long and should use this chance to get away from the unhealthy cycle I was in. As we packed to head home I became more antsy and agitated and of course both parents noticed.

"Bella, is there a particular reason you are so eager to get home? Any-one reason at all?" mom was insinuating something and I knew I should correct her but I could not find the words and did not want to have to explain myself.

"No just anxious to get back to classes." I sighed in response.

"What?" Dad burst into the conversation slowly catching on to what mom thought she knew. "Bella, is there someone in your life? It is not proper for you to be seeing anyone we have not met. If he had any respect for you and for us we would have met them by now?" Dad ranted.

I could not help but laugh at dads old fashioned ideals and it crossed my mind that I was not exactly sure what era my parents got their rules of etiquette from.

Dad pulled me from my musing when he bellowed. "Well, are you going to answer me?"

"No dad there is no one in my present life." I said with a twinge of sadness. He gave me a nod and held me to him and even though he knew he could not take away my pain, he still had a smug smile on his face that no one was taking his little girl. I was always self-sufficient and never got treated that way when I was human but had to admit, deep down I liked it.

As I returned to school still undecided about my day dream world, my day had dragged on as I thought how I was only with a dream version of them and that was enough to make my chest throb. I was dreading biology however as soon as the swooning teens asked of my trip and I saw a couple of young males' ears peak interest, including Mike. I relayed a very fanciful reunion and included both families. There were stolen moments and grand meals. I rationalized it could work we all had the same diet. When they asked what he had given me for Christmas I played off a crystal heart necklace that my father had given me as being from him. Dad had given both mom and I one and she was very choked up over the gift and I knew it meant a great deal to them, so I cherished mine and always wore it. When I truly thought about it, the vision I created for my Christmas would be a dream come true. After the first day my pattern was re-established and I knew it would be harder the next time I tried to quit but I would cross that bridge when I got there. So as the routine of school moved on, time began to pass quickly again and before I knew it January was over and I only had one major obstacle.

The obstacle was the upcoming Annual Tri-Services Charity Ball being held by the ROTC at Cornell. All staff, family, and distinguished guests were to attend. My mother was extremely excited and it only seemed to multiply when she found out it was a Victorian themed ball and she carried on about the styles and etiquette of a true Victorian ball. When I mentioned I had no interest in accompanying my parents I thought she was going to fall apart right there as well as scold me for being a disobedient child.

It was my dad who would set me straight. First with the look that said both, 'How dare you hurt your mother' and 'you will do as you're told'. It was a little unnerving since I had never experienced anything close to that from my biological parents. "Unless you have another obligation that cannot be rescheduled or you have a very solid reason why you cannot be there. You will be there for both me and your mother. Do I make myself clear."

"Yes, sir." I meekly answered like the scolded teenager I was.

With-in a couple of days mom had seemed to forget that I did not want to attend such an event and was excitedly determining what type of dresses we would be wearing and dragging me to every fabric shop in the surrounding areas to gather what we would need to make all of our clothes. I was surprised and impressed with both the quality and speed in which mom completed dads tuxedo. With its short pointed front lapels and long tails in the back. Dad looked every bit the dashing Victorian man of business. She then began to make the dresses for she and I. She picked a deep twilight purple for the outer shell of both of our dresses and made dads vest and tie from the same material. Both of our dresses had a corset body and square neck. Moms however had a high back collar and long sleeves, with the skirt portion going straight to the floor with only a small gathering of material just below the small of her back. However my dress had small flirty cup sleeves and the square pattern for the neck carried to the entire collar of the dress. The outer purple shell also split down the middle of the front of the dress revealing another pale lavender skirt, then it scalloped back up directly on each side of me. Completing the Cinderella dress fantasy every girl has.

On the day of the ball mom had begged to do my hair and in seeing her excitement there was nothing I would not give her. Mom had pulled her hair into a loose Gibson girl fashioned bun leaving only a couple small sections on each side to be curled into small ringlets. For a younger version of the style mom pulled only the top portion of my hair up and completed a chignon style bun, also leaving two small sections out to curl into ringlets along with the back of my hair that she had not pulled into the bun.

When we were ready to head to the ball dad presented us each with a corsage. They were identical, made of Lilies and Freesia, moms pinned on and mine was to be worn on my wrist.

Mom gushed as she took pictures of me in my dress. I then insisted that I have the camera so that I could take pictures of them. I took some of them together and some of them by themselves. Then it as dads turn to have the camera and he took several of mom and I together. That was when mom took back her camera to take pictures of dad and I. After the second picture she let out a gentle sob. Dad was next to her in an instant.

"What is wrong Beth, love?" his voice was strained.

However mom was looking at me with her arms extended. I walked into her embrace. "You look so beautiful Bella. If this were a true Victorian ball, you father would present you today." she whispered with a small smile on her lips.

"Thank you" I whispered before she continued.

"The young men would find interest in you and try to garner a dance. A young man like our..."she broke off into a sob as she turned her head into dads chest. He held her in his arms and started to rock her. I knew they needed a minute so I made my way to the pond. Just far enough to give them privacy from my vampire hearing.

After a few minutes both of them joined me in the moon light. I silenced my mom when she tried to apologize. There was no reason to be sorry. I knew to well what it was like to want someone you had lost and to wish it so deeply your soul hurt. After a few minutes of murmured assurances and calming hugs we made our way to the front of our home. Dad helped us each into moms GMC Denali and we were headed to the Carrier Grand Ballroom at Statler Hotel on campus.

**APOV**

Here we go again, I would not let myself get too excited. We had hunted high and low for Bella. Well with-in the United States. We were pretty sure she had not left but in all honesty we had no idea. We had followed any lead no matter how big or small. We would get hopeful only to find another dead end. That was where we were headed now following another vision. I was frustrated that my visions were faltering and I had not been able to find her.

After the vision of Bella's proud moment for Carlisle. I got nothing for almost a year. We had spent that time searching, the Pacific Coast, Chicago, Texas, nowhere was off limits. We were out of leads and had returned to Forks once more to try to find information and to plan the next step. I had ran out of our house because the tension in the home was palpable. I left with the only thought of running no sooner did I jump that the vision hit me.

Bella was standing across from Jasper, no surrounding atmosphere to decipher where she was. She went from ranting to sobbing and back again.

"Why Jasper?" she cried. "Why did you leave me the backpack? You all left me. Why leave me anything? Couldn't see a future where I needed it. Guess what danger magnet. What I needed was you guys." she ranted. "Why would you make my birthday the code, I wasn't important. Was it just so you could have a reminder of the silly human girl?" I winced at her anger. She had every right to be mad, we left her unprotected. She took a deep sigh and the wrapped her arms around herself sobbing. "Why did he leave everything? My gifts, all of his stuff, everything. He promised that it would be like you never existed and he lied. Like it could ever be like you guys never existed. Family doesn't give up on family, what kind of bullshit is that?" and she was angry again. "What family?" and she was sobbing again and she continued to sob and though nothing would show it, I got the distinct impression she wanted Jasper to comfort her.

I had not realized that sometime during my vision I had collapsed to the forest floor. I was not sure how long I was there as I replayed Bella's sobs in my mind but that was how my very worried husband and bear of a brother found me.

When I returned home I shared and replayed my vision for my family. Esme sobbed while Carlisle held her to him. Emmett looked broken as Rosalie tried to sooth him. Jasper vacillated between trying to comfort me and trying to determine the reason she had selected him. Edward sat there sobbing and snarling, pulling on his hair, and blaming himself for everything he had done to his mate, his love. No one was there to comfort him.

After several more months and no more information Carlisle had to step in and give our lives direction again. He was not doing this to move on from Bella and promised we would continue to look for her. However we needed some sense of order in our lives and so we moved to Virginia, Minnesota. Carlisle took a position at White Community Hospital, in the nearby town of Aurora. We would be attending Mountain Iron - Buhl High school in Mt Iron, at least Jasper and I along with Rosalie and Emmett were. Edward refused stressing that he could not cope with it.

He spent every hour we were at school researching. He followed the small town of Forks and the Quiluete Reservation. We spent every family holiday searching some new destination or forest hoping to find her. Edward would want to leave but between his fear of missing a vision and our fear of him doing something stupid he was never far away.

We lost hope however as months turned into years with not even a vision. We had enough time to graduate school, again. Maybe this life had been too difficult, maybe she had attracted more danger, or maybe she no longer thought of us. I refused to believe the latter. Edward had all but stopped his obsessive searching and spent most of his days sulking, running in the surrounding national forests, and listening to music.

It was going on nearly four years when it happened and I was so over joyed. After the last vision I was so wary of getting another painful vision but after the wait, I did not care what it was. This vision was very pleasant and I wished I could project it at least for my mother to see. She had cried for her long lost daughter, so when the vision of Bella gushing as she gave Esme a tour of a home she had renovated and telling her how she understood Esme's love for renovation, I broke into happy sobs. As the vision ended I was engulfed in a tight embrace from my brother and you would have thought I just gave him the world, and according to him I did give him a small piece of his world back. As we waited for Carlisle to return from work to share in the news. I gave my mother the closest think I could to Belle's gift. I began sketching each room.

As we basked in the joy of this moment mom noted that the style was federal and that gave us another thing to narrow our search, there were not many federal styled homes in the west. That vision held us for a while and renewed the vigor in our search but again months turned to years. We were more confident Bella was out there but we did not know how to find her. We had once considered going to the Volturi but bringing attention to our large unorthodox coven was not an option, especially since we had left her human with a knowledge of our kind, it might not be enough to save us, that she is a vampire now.

We would be moving on again soon. We had been here a little over four years, we had graduated and felt no desire to stay. For the first time in a long time, nowhere seemed appealing to go to and nowhere felt like home and we knew why that was. The only good that happened during our stay took place a few months ago. Within a couple of weeks of each other, I had gotten new visions. Both were short and both were for our parents.

The first happened as most of us were home and I was trying to distract myself, looking through a fashion magazine, it just wasn't fun anymore, there were so many more important things than shopping. It began with Bella embracing Esme and whispering to her. "I miss you but I am okay." just as quick as it came it was gone. Both Edward and Esme sobbed as I replayed it for them. "I miss you too." she sobbed and for days following you would find her sobbing gently lost in memories of her daughter.

Later that week while we were out hunting I was overcome with the vision of Bella crying for Carlisle. "Carlisle, I wish you were here to help. Please, something happened, maybe it's a power, maybe not. I am scared. I know you would be able to help me. You know about these things. You helped him." she sobbed. That was all there was to it. Again nothing to help us figure out where she could be and nothing that told us what she really needed help with. The only consolation was that she had thought about us more.

The last vision more so than the others bothered Carlisle. His child needed him and he was not there to help. He was short with everyone, especially Edward. It took weeks for him to accept that there was nothing he could do. Since we lacked direction, it was determined we would procure new documents and retreat to our home in Alaska, we would spend some time there determining our next move.

On our way to Alaska, the rest of the family would venture to our home in Forks, make sure Bella had not been there since the last time Edward checked. Jasper and I would head to Seattle to visit Jenks. As we were preparing to split, I saw that Jasper would call Edward to come to Seattle for a second meeting with Jenks. Saying that something was off but not what.

I looked to Edward and with a small nod he let me know, he would prepare to go with us.

"Jasper, Edward will be going with us." I informed him, when he quirked his brow, I continued. "I saw you calling him to join you in a second meeting. Saying something was off."

Instantly that set off panic. Speculation of what could be 'off' ranged from him figuring out what we are or an ambush. However when I looked into the future I could see them returning to Forks and they both seemed frustrated and content, but no mention of problems with Jenks.

I was put out that my husband being the overprotective fool he was asked me to stay 'for my own safety'. So I sat with my family anxious for any news. They had left in the early hours of the morning to meet with him and according to my visions should be here in two minutes. We do not know exactly what had happened but knew it could not be a threat since my vision changed from us abandoning our home the moment they got back to us waiting a week for the finished product. As they entered the home we all gathered to hear what they had to say and their faces said exactly what my vision showed, happiness and  
>frustration.<p>

"What happened?" Rose snapped, the tension was running high. "What was he hiding?"

"A memory." Jasper said quietly.

"What do you mean a memory?" Carlisle asked.

"He has seen Bella." Edward rushed out. "He was not going to say anything to Jasper out of fear since he failed to get any information of her whereabouts." and they both let out a growl of frustration.

"Are you sure he didn't hide anything?" Emmett whined.

"No he did not hide anything" Jasper stated. They both has small smiles on their faces.

Before I could form the question, Edward answered. "She is out there. A human has a memory of her. We, I trusted your visions but this is a memory." Then a perplexed look took over his features. "She was with the two others of our kind. From his memory they look older than her." He sighed "They look familiar, like maybe I should know them. Jenks was more focused on Bella and his memories of the others are not as clear. It's like maybe I knew them before they were vampires and now they have changed."

"Maybe you knew them before you were a vampire." Esme offered

"I am not sure, but they are not a threat to Bella. From what Jenks remembers they seemed protective of her. They did not complete the transaction. In his mind he is not sure why, but from the memory it seems that maybe they have a gift that must have seen something that they were not comfortable with." Edward explained.

After our new identification was completed we headed to Alaska to visit with our family and try and decide where we would head next. We were surprised to find that their coven had expanded since we last saw them. Kate had met her mate, a man named Garrett had come across the sisters while they were out hunting for their next lovers and he for his next meal. For the odd color of his eyes you knew he was trying to change his diet but hadn't succeeded, yet.

"So Garrett, how are you adjusting?" Jasper asked.

"It has been difficult but I am doing my best. It is worth the reward." Garrett answered while smiling fondly at Kate.

"Were you surprised by their diet of choice?" Esme asked.

Edward, who had been avoiding the displays of affection and Tanya's advances by hiding in a book in the corner, gasped as Garrett began answering. It did not take long to have all of the families' undivided attention.

"I knew what their choice in diet was as soon as I saw their eyes. I had met another family of vegetarian vampires' before." he said and from the look on Edwards face I had an idea what was happening but I wanted to hear it for myself.

"Who were these other vampires?" I asked.

"The family consisted of Tony, Beth, and Isa." He answered.

"Isa, as in Isabella?" Jasper asked tentatively. We were on the edge of our seats waiting for his answer.

He had a perplexed look on his face but before he could say anything Edward spoke. "It was her."

In a flurry of action and emotion everyone started spewing questions faster than could be answered.

"When did you see her?" Jasper asked.

"Is she okay?" Esme asked.

"Did she mention us?" I whimpered

"Has she figured out her power yet?" Carlisle insisted

"Was she happy?" Rose whispered.

"Where was she? Is she still living there? Do you know where she is?" Emmett got straight to what he thought was important.

For a split second it was quiet as the pieces fell into place for the Denali Coven. "Isa is your Bella." Carmen stated. Edward nodded. "Oh my."

"I am sorry. I know Kate trusts you but before I say anything how do you know Isa?" Garrett countered.

We turned to Edward waiting for him to explain. However he wrapped his arms around his chest and winced at what I was sure was running through most of our minds.

"Isa or as we know her Bella is part of our family." Carlisle began, as he pulled a photo from his wallet, that none of us knew he carried. "She is our daughter and Edward's mate." Garrett quirked his brow, and whatever he thought made Edward shutter. "We know she might not feel for us that way but that is how we see her. You see we met Bella when she was still a human." Carlisle continued on with the story. Each of us interjecting a little detail here and there. When he finally ended by describing the visions and the searches we had been trying everything as silent while he pondered everything we had just told.

After several moments he sighed. "I saw Isa, Bella a little more than three years ago. As far as I know Tony was the only one with a power in that group. So if Bella has a power she either hid it or she did not know about it yet." he continued to answer each of our questions. "Bella was okay. Always keeping herself busy. I am sorry Alice, she did not mention you. For the most part she is very quiet. They didn't share anything personal. I doubt they are still living where I met them. They were in the business of renovating properties for income. I did not keep in contact so I do not know where they are now. When I met them they were in the middle of a pet renovation project of Bella's. She said it occupied her mind. It was the Oyer House in Huntingdon, Pennsylvania."

I began describing the home in my visions to him. "Is that the home you saw her at?" I asked.

"That would be it." he replied.

"She would have still been there when I had the vision." I acknowledged. "Why can't I get any more detail in my visions." I muttered to no one in-particular.

"Perhaps that is part of her gift." Carlisle shrugged. If it was part of her gift why would I see anything at all? Or why wouldn't she show me where she was so we could be together.

He let out another long sigh and Edward let out a whimper perhaps to both of our thoughts. "As for being happy. The group she is with is very loving toward each other. However they each carry a sadness with them. Like each of them has experienced some major loss. Though they are happy together they cannot fill the others void. If what you say is true, that may explain her sadness."

Garrett had answered every question we had thrown at him. He had let us know that Beth and Tony were the other members of the coven and that Tony had the ability to feel when someone one was lying. We surmised that, that had probably been why they had not used Jenks. This is the closest we had felt to Bella in a long time. After we had asked everything we could think of we sat in silence just absorbing everything we had learned. There was apprehension about going to Pennsylvania. We knew she would most likely not be there and it would feel like we lost her again. However we couldn't pass it up.

The trip to the home had been a somber one. It was more beautiful than my visions had made it. The house had been well locked up and when we entered we could still smell the faint scent of Bella. Edward had curled up in the chair in the corner of what we believe was her room and sobbed until it was time to leave. We returned to Alaska still with the need to determine our next step but not driven to move on.

As the summer came to a close, we had started many times to discuss our next course of action but did not have it in us to make a decision. Then we were surprised when we got another vision and shortly after another and another. The first put Emmett over the top. Bella was at lunch in a school cafeteria and she wanted Emmett to entertain her. She did not want to sit with anyone else. "Emmett, if you were here Brother Bear, this wouldn't be so bad."

Only a month had gone by when the next one hit. It seemed to be a happy vision and Edward was completely surprised that she finally had a vision that included him. She was in a class telling everyone she had a boyfriend and would not be able to attend a dance with them. Later that same day I was hit with a very strong vision of her an Edward near a pond him holding her humming her lullaby. Edward would fluctuate from smiling to whimpering and when the vision ended he sobbed.

Expecting to not have another vision for months or years as it had been, we were very surprised when there was a brief one the next day and then every week-day at around the same time another. Edward was never too far away after the third one. It was hard for Jasper and I to have any time alone. These visions would make him smile only to torment him later.

The holidays were very difficult as we had come accustom to seeing Bella each day. Then suddenly nothing for nearly two weeks. Then they picked right back up as before. There was never any information to tell us where to look for her, her surroundings were always fuzzy. I had started to think maybe she did control it. I could tell she was in a class room and that it looked like high school, but it could have been any school anywhere.

Suddenly my breath was taken away by a vision of Bella I would never expected. It was Saturday and we thought we would not see her Monday mid-morning. However, what took me by surprise was that Bella was in a deep twilight purple ball gown with a corset body and square neck. It had small flirty cup sleeves and the square pattern for the neck carried to the entire collar of the dress. The outer purple shell split down the middle of the front of the dress revealing another pale lavender skirt, then it scalloped back up directly on each side. The top portion of her hair was pulled up in a chignon style bun, with two small sections framing her face curled into ringlets along with the back of her hair that also hung loose. She had a beautiful corsage made of Lilies and Freesia. She looked amazing. She looked like a Victorian goddess.

The next thing that registered in my mind and caught me off guard was I could see all of her surroundings. The beautiful columns and up lighting. The open dance floor and large windows looking over a garden and campus. Before I could say it, Edward was stuttering over what we were seeing.

"We have been there. Bella is going to a ball. That's the,.. that's the Carrier Grand Ballroom." He exclaimed. Esme tried to stifle her gasp by placing her hand over her mouth.

"Bella, went to a ball. Or wants to go to a ball. Sorry guys, but I think you too have finally  
>lost it." Emmett chuckled and Jasper snickered.<p>

"No." I yelled. "I see it all she is at a ball at the Statler Hotel. I am not sure how but I am able to see everything. It's not like before where everything is fuzzy. We have been there I know for once where a vision is taking place. What ball would she be attending?" I pondered.

"The Tri-Services ball would be about now." Rosalie exclaimed as she was switching on her laptop. "We were invited when Carlisle was on staff." We all sat with baited breath as she began typing. "It is tonight. If she went, Bella is there right now!"

Without words we were running to the Anchorage airport and would once again make our way across country. It was hard to try to not be excited but I was afraid that once again we would not find her but this was as close as we had been.

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><p>If you like my story, have questions or suggestions, PLEASE REVIEW. I am always open to inspiration. Thank you for all your support.<p> 


	19. The Truth Will Shock You

Disclaimer: SM owns Twilight, I am just having fun with her characters. All lyrics are the property of the original author. The rest is mine.

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><p>AN:

Thank you! Thank you so much for the amazing reviews. I had a few from guests, so I was not able to thank them personally so again, THANK YOU! I love all the support and love for this story.

This chapter might have some worried about the reunion time frame but I promise they will find each other soon.

**Thank you, Thank you! All of you who have followed or favorite-d me. As I have read on Fanfiction I never realized how awesome it is to get reviews. They are so addictive, please keep them coming if you like the story or have any suggestions.**

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><p>How have I come to this?<br>How did I slip and fall?  
>How did I throw half a lifetime away<br>Without any thought at all?  
>This should've been my time<br>It's over, it never began  
>Facing a world, for once not on my side<br>I simply turned and ran  
>But I know the truth and it haunts me<br>I know the truth and it mocks me  
>I know the truth and it shocks me<br>People had faith in me  
>I think I once did too<br>I promise whoever has a hold on our lives  
>I'll see the bad times through<br>This should have been my time  
>It's over, it never began<br>I simply turned and ran  
>Some kind of twist in my fate<br>I know the truth and it haunts me  
>I learned it a little too late<br>I know the truth and it mocks me  
>I know the truth and it shocks me<br>I learned it a little too late  
><em><br>I know the truth, edited - Elton John_

**Chapter 19: The Truth will shock you**

When we reached the Statler Hotel dad offered both of us his arm to escort us into the Ballroom, looking every bit the Victorian man of business he was dressed to be. The room was exquisite, with faux columns along one wall and up lighting framing floral arrangements along another. The far wall had large windows overlooking the gardens and campus. As we entered the ball I realized this is exactly how girls would have been presented to him. If I had been born in his time and I was interested in courters, dad would have presented me at a coming out ball and those who were interested would approach my chaperon and attempt to acquire a space on my dance card. We would dance our selected dances and if I consented for them to call on me and possibly begin to court me, I would ensure that they received my card at the conclusion of the dance. I knew I would no doubt have given it to him, as I am sure many girls would. But who am I kidding, he never would have had his name on my dance card. I winced at my thoughts and when mom gave me a careful look I knew I did not want to ruin this evening for them.

I had been unsure how I would get through this evening but seeing the look on their face I decided that for tonight I could have a fantasy outside of school because truthfully there was no one else I would ever want to attend with. So like prom I would dance with him. He would look amazing in a Victorian tuxedo much like dads. He would look like my Adonis and he would dance with the elegance that only he possessed. We would have stolen small kisses when no one was looking, deep down I knew I would pay for my foolish thoughts but I could not help myself. As I allowed myself this fantasy I could not help but to remember the prom. With the whole beautiful family moving gracefully around one another and for a moment, I wanted them all here. I wanted to experience this all with them.

I had spent the last several minutes just remembering, and imagining the others reactions to everything around me. Currently I was standing at the window overlooking the gardens, taking in the beauty of the flowers that somehow still did not compare to our meadow. The whole time keeping tabs with my vampire hearing. Mom and dad both seemed to feel in their element at the ball. They had socialized with the other faculty and military personnel. I had been mesmerized by their dancing and love for one another.

Mom and dad were currently speaking with another member of the faculty, who I assumed were Mike's parents since he was standing with them. It was while I was looking out the window, imagining Edward's arms around my waist, that I heard it.

"Why don't you ask Marie to dance?" Mom suggested. "I am sure it would be more entertaining than standing around listening to us."

"I am sure her boyfriend would not approve." Mike answered

Dad quirked his brow at me. "Please go along with it." I rushed out at a volume and speed only they would hear.

"I am sure there is no harm in just a dance." Dad offered, giving me a subtle nod. I returned the gesture and waited for Mike to present himself.

After a couple of minutes I heard Mike approach. "How are you this evening, Marie?" he asked.

"I am well, you?"

"Good. So the parents suggested we dance. Are you sure your boyfriend won't be to upset." He sneered. "Mommy and daddy don't seem to mind the idea of you and me."

"My parents only suggested a dance, not their approval. As for my boyfriend he would be understanding this once." I tried to tease but winced at the thought that he did not care at all. I allowed Mike to lead me out to the dance floor.

As we began to move, Mike had to make it more uncomfortable than it had to be. "So when are you going to date someone else since your boyfriend is sooo far away?" He said as he tried to tighten his hold on me.

"I am not planning on dating anyone else, Mike. I am waiting for Masen and I to be together after graduation." I informed him briskly while also registering the sharp intake of air from my mother.

"You can't be serious. You know Chicago is at best a three hour flight." he gasped, then with a nasty grin in place, he continued. "You know even if he tells you he loves you he is still getting some from someone who is there." he jeered as he lowered his hand down my back.

I did not want to make a scene but I had never had anyone touch me besides him and I was not about to start now. I pushed Mike's arm back up, "Just because you think that way does not mean everyone thinks like you." disdain dripping in my voice but he still laughed at me and tried to move his arms again forcing me to pull away completely. "Masen, is a gentleman, he respects me, and he cares more about what's on the inside than the outside. He cares about what is important to me. He puts boys of this generation to shame."

Both Mike and I were preparing to retaliate when I felt a firm grasp on my hand. I turned and looked into my dad's eyes.

"Marie dear, would you be gracious enough to dance with your father?" he asked in a sickly sweet voice, while giving a pointed look at Mike.

"Of course, father." I said as we stepped away from Mike. I was not sure if he would be upset with me for the small scene that had been started, however he quickly relieved me of my anxiety.

"I am sorry the suggestion to dance with him was even made. Please forgive myself and your mother?" He asked.

I nodded. "There is nothing to forgive. You could not have known how he would have behaved." I answered sweetly and then let myself be calmed as dad led me around the floor.

"We will talk about this boyfriend at home." He said sternly. I knew I could not escape telling them about my lie to dissuade the young men at school. However I was anxious about being able to hide how deep my fantasy went.

I completed the dance with dad and spent the rest of the evening fairly close to my parents. When it was time to leave dad escorted us both out. The entire ride home was quiet and I was not worried about their reaction to my lie. Our existence required creative story telling however I did worry that dad would feel I was hiding something from him and I would have to come clean about my fantasy. I was not sure if they would see me as pathetic or think about finding them again.

As we arrived home dad invited all of us into the formal living room to talk. "So, Isabella. You said at Christmas that there was no one and today we hear you have a boyfriend in Chicago." he narrowed his eyes at me. "We have not been in Chicago in sometime. Please tell us what is going on?" Dad asked as he pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger.

The image looked so hauntingly family that it squeezed at my dead heart and made me wince. Standing there staring at dad I could almost see him and it bothered me that my mind was forcing this image at me now. I had to push these silly thoughts aside and answer him. "It is not what it sounds like." I blurted out, feeling very irrational and edgy.

"If it is not what it sounds like, please explain." he nodded for me to continue.

"You see, there was a dance at school and I really did not want to attend with Mike or any other boy that was planning on asking." I rushed on, "I was put on the spot when Mike approached me in class and I gave the first excuse that came to my mind. You have to know it is not true but I had to say something."

"So you told the boys in school you have a boyfriend." dad chuckled. I only nodded.

"Bella, where did you come up with the name Masen?" mom asked quietly.

"It was one of his names." I whispered. I had always avoided giving any personal information.

"Was there a reason you said he was from Chicago or is that just what came to your mind." mom almost whispered.

"Why?" I breathed, shifting to look at mom.

Dad let out a humorless chuckle, "Did you know, actually I am sure you did not" dad mused. "Our human last name was Masen, and we were originally from Chicago. We had just came back for the first time, when you rented the flat. We..." I did not hear anything else dad said as he finished.

Oh. My. God. My head had snapped so quickly to look at my father I was surprised that it did not crack. Oh my god, Mom and Dad's last name was Masen. They were from Chicago. I felt like I was hyperventilating even though that is not possible for a vampire. Suddenly pieces of a puzzle, which I did not know I was holding starting falling together. Suddenly once muddy memories came into focus.

'_Carlisle found me in a hospital in the summer of 1918. I was seventeen, and dying of the Spanish influenza.' When I asked about his parents, he continued 'They had already died from the disease. I was alone. That was why he chose me. In the chaos of the epidemic, no one would ever realize I was gone.'_

_The burned down hospital at the museum and library._  
><em>I was on the verge of tears as I read how the Spanish Influenza had ravaged the town, when I was surprised by a photo that depicted the local hospital that had burned down with hundreds of victims inside. <em>

_'Many patients had passed that October day and the number of dead versus those that died at the hands of the fire before Influenza got them would never be known.'_

_'Notable Attorney Edward Masen Sr, his wife Elizabeth, and son Edward Jr were just one of the families that the fire had taken. Mr. Masen had been admitted to the hospital a week prior, and his wife and son had fallen ill just three days before the fire. It is believed that both Mr. & Mrs. Masen had already perished and that their son was the only one that would have been trapped in the fire. May we pray that he too had passed before this monstrous event.'_

_'We were waiting for night fall to return for our child. It gave us plenty of time to talk. We had made the decision, that if our baby was healthy we would not interfere, we would watch from the sidelines and let nature take its course. If things were not well' Mom had sobbed. 'Then he would join us in this life.' Dad finished for her. _

_'As we came upon the hospital, we could both smell it. We could smell the scent of several vampires. We remained hidden, our fear mounted as we tried to get closer. It was then that we saw them, vampires in dark robes that went all the way to the floor and billowed in the breeze. As we looked at the hospital trying to figure out how to get in, we noticed that the doors had all been blocked. You could hear the screaming from inside the building and before we could comprehend what was happening, the monsters in the dark robes, The Volturi, set the hospital on fire. Dad had snarled out the end of the story as mom had sobbed, I had been horrified._

_Everything still in his room, his music, journals, even the picture of his parents. He had been so desperate to get away from me that he had left it all behind. I hadn't understood why the family did not take it for him. I placed the letter I had written and as I left the room I took his picture. _

Upstairs in the suitcase that I always have sat all the evidence I needed.

I truly looked at mom and dad and there were mom's highlights that were the same shade as his copper hair. Now that I looked I could see his strong jaw, mirrored that of dads. The shape of his eye was the same as moms.

I began shaking my head. How could I have missed it? They have been in pain for over a hundred years for the loss of their child. I have had the answer to their prayers for nearly a decade and did not know. They would hate me for sure when they knew I had let my pain keep them from the relief they both needed and deserved.

"Bella, Bella.." Dad was shouting and shaking me gently. I did not realize how long I had been caught in my own thoughts, trapped as memories replayed in my mind. How was I going to tell them?

With shaking breath I looked in moms eyes "Elizabeth Masen." I whispered. She took in a deep breath, but really Beth to Elizabeth was not much of a leap. I turned to dad "Edward Anthony Masen, Sr." again I whispered and they both gasped.

"Bella, how did you know that?" dad asked with a shaky breath.

I started sobbing and got up to race to my room. I could not put what I was thinking, feeling into words, I could not stop the sobbing long enough to explain. "Where are you going?" Dad said as he raced after me, mom right behind him. I had reached my room when dad grabbed my arm. "Bella, what is going on? How did you know my real full name?" he kept a hold of my arm while giving me a look letting me know I was not getting away without an answer. I had always intended to answer but I couldn't formulate the words.

"Please," I whispered. "My suitcase." I whimpered. Dad pulled it from the back of my closet and laid it on my desk in front of me. I opened it just enough to grab the item I knew would set both of my parents reeling. I produced the framed picture of them with him.

Mom grabbed the picture with trembling hands. "Where did you get this? When did you get this?" she sounded like someone had just knocked the wind out of her. I guess I did.

"I took it when I went on the run." I mumbled.

"Where did you take it from?" Dad asked.

I produced the other pictures of him, as a vampire, from my suitcase. "From his room." I whimpered as I looked at his image for the first time in nearly ten years, my memory had not done him justice. I moved to the oversized chair in the corner of my room. Pulling my knees to my chest and resting my cheek on my knees. I sat as my parents looked at the pictures I had retrieved from my suitcase, letting out sobs and strangled breaths.

"Do you know who this is?" Dad whispered.

I nodded my head. "Your son, Edward Anthony Masen Jr." I sobbed and once I began I could not stop. "I am sorry. I am so so sorry. I did not know he was your son. I did not realize. I would have never kept this from you. My memories weren't clear." I took in a stuttering breath. "Really looking now, I am not sure how I missed it. I am sorry. I never meant to hurt you." I continued to sob. We had just come together as a family and now I would lose them too. Even if I had not hid this from them for so long, I did not expect them to choose me over their own son. They hurt for him all the time, they needed him and he did not want me. I would leave to let them have their happiness.

"How? How? How?" mom repeatedly sobbed, repeatedly trying to gather her thoughts and ask me about the picture, but unable to gather herself together.

I felt horrible that it was my fault they were in this pain. I never meant to hurt either of them. I knew there was no hiding now. "You have to know I did not hide this from you on purpose. If I would have known that your lost son was one of the other vampires I used to know, I would have told you." It was the truth as much as it hurt I would have looked for the Cullen's for mom and dad. His mom and dad.

"Bella, I know you would not have hid this from me. Even without my gift I know you would not have done something like that." Dad offered, while he still held on to mom.

"Bella, please tell us how this is. How is he a vampire? Was it the same one who got Anthony" mom asked between her sobs.

"I will do my best to tell you what I remember." I took a deep breath preparing myself for the pain remembering all of this would bring. "You were all sick with the Spanish Influenza," dad nodded. "Your doctor, Dr. Carlisle Cullen."

"Dr. Cullen, was a vampire. Is he part of the group that your step brother said was interested in you?" dad asked.

I nodded before I continued, "It is the same doctor. Mom," I winced at the idea that maybe they would not be my mom and dad after all of this. "He said that after dad had died you had begged him to save Edward." I had to take a deep breath to collect myself before I continued. "I think he said you had eluded to the fact that you knew he could do more for your son than anyone else. I am sorry my memories are muddy but if I remember correctly, he had been lonely for a very long time and wanted a companion and after he was informed you had passed between his loneliness and your pleading he decided to make the first of his family."

"The first..." dad trailed off.

"Yes, some years after turning Edward, he found his mate. He turned Esme after she nearly died. Several years later, he came across Rosalie and she too was dying. He had hoped she would be for Edward, what Esme had been for him." That thought twisted my stomach, forcing another deep breath. I had always hated my memories of his family because of my desperate need to hold onto them, however right now I was grateful to be able to give this to them. "It did not work out. A few years after that, Rosalie came across her mate while he was being mauled by a bear. She carried him to Carlisle and begged the doctor to change Emmett too. Alice and Jasper came to the family on their own some time later. Carlisle did not turn them." I finished.

Both sat quiet for a time before mom finally spoke. "There are seven in his family." I nodded. "Three mated couples." I nod again. They are both still for some time again, I am sure absorbing everything I have told them. I sat waiting for a reaction; for them to want answers to endless questions or to begin hunting them down immediately, but I would wait for them I would not rush them. When mom finally spoke her train of thought surprised me. "You are in love with our Edward." she stated with a sound of awe and assurance.

Well yeah, but he does not love me. "Yes, he was the vampire I was in a relationship with, but he did not love me." I winced as I said these words out loud, and this time, not just because of the truth but because what this would mean to my family. "But we will find them. I will help."

"He hurt you very deeply." Mom stated sadly. I could only nod. I could not talk about it with what was ahead of me.

"Edward left you unprotected after killing another vampires' mate." Dad sounded pissed. Again I nodded. I did not worry for Edward, once I was gone there would be no reason to be upset with him. "You knew so much and were so vulnerable. You were hurting and his family cared so little to leave you so vulnerable." Dad was upset and really was not looking for confirmation. "What kind of person has he become?"

I could not let his parents think ill of him. Even if he did not love me he was a great man and that was the son they deserved to know. Even if the family left me they would now be a part of my parents' lives forever and I did not want them to feel negatively towards the Cullen's just because they did not care for a pathetic human. "He is a good man. He is gentle and well mannered. I am sure those are things he carried on from you. I have seen it in you. He may have left me vulnerable but I am sure he did not do it on purpose. Like I said before the entire coven we encountered had tried to confuse the family." I needed them to understand he was good. "He had saved my life on multiple occasions. If it had not been for him I would be rotting in a cemetery in Forks as we speak." I whimpered. "I cannot hate him and I won't have you looking down on the person he has worked so hard to be or have any ill feelings for him just because he did not love me." I finished with determination in my voice.

Mom gave dad a simple smile that he returned with a nod, communicating something I did not understand. "Of course Bella, you are right. We have not seen him in over a century. We will make no judgments." mom said sweetly.

"He is a wonderful man and he is your son. You will love the man he is I have no doubt." I knew once they had their son again nothing else would matter. "Now, what do we need to do so we can begin looking for him?" I asked looking at dad.

"Well, first we will need to excuse ourselves from school and work. I will send emails letting them know we had a family emergency. If we need to be away for an extended time we will contact them again." Dad answered getting straight to business. "Then Bella, you will need to map out our search. Think of any detail from your human memories that will help us find them."

I nodded and pulled out the letter from my suitcase. "The family did not tell me where they were going and they are better at covering their tracks than I would say we are. However one of them left some items in a bag for me in their home in Forks. In Jasper's letter he left me a truck in a storage unit in Houston, Texas. I am not sure if it is still there or if it will have anything to help lead us to them but it would be worth a try." I started formulating our next move. "I can break into the office and look at the billing records and if it has been there with in the last six years, we may be able to see where the money was coming from."

As much as mom had tried to play down her excitement while I defended him, you could see the unbridled desire burning in her eyes. "When can we leave, Edward?" she pleaded. I winced but was happy for mom and dad as this was the first time they felt they could use their sons name, they could be those people again because that life was not over.

"Whenever you would like, Elizabeth." he gave her a gentle smile, but I could see the joy in his eye at the idea of seeing his son.

With a squeal from mom that reminded me of another vampire, she hugged me then dad. "Go get ready Bella, we will leave in twenty minutes."

I quickly showered and threw a bag together with several outfits. For the first time I gathered everything out of the suitcase including the money. I took everything with me and headed to the Dodge Charger. It would be quicker for racing across country and if things go as I assume then mom and dad will leave and I can ride off in my car.

When they were ready mom and dad got into the car putting all of our stuff in the back and without a word we were off. We had hunted before the ball and we would hunt again in the Appalachian Mountains either in Virginia or Tennessee before continuing on to Texas. We would have to be careful about the sun as by morning we would not be enjoying the constant cloud cover we are used to. No one spoke lost in our own thoughts. However mom was very fidgety which was odd for our kind and spoke volumes about how nervous she was.

Leaving just after midnight and with my new driving skills we were able to make it to the Smoky Mountains just outside of Hixson, Tennessee just outside the border of North Carolina. I had drove up into the morning fog covering the tops of the hills just before daybreak. We would hurry and hunt before the fog completely dissipated. We would have to hide out in the shade for the better part of the day and the sun would set around six twenty that night and we would head off again. If everything goes as planned we will leave here and be able to reach Houston in nine hours instead of thirteen, giving us at least a couple of hours before sunrise to look around and find a place to hide out.

As soon as the car was hidden in the trees we exited the car and took off for our hunts. I was able to finish off a black bear and several wild hogs. When I returned to the grove we were hiding in mom and dad had already returned. I faced away from my parents so that they could not see the pain and hurt on my face as I thought about everything that was about to take place. Soon I would be forced to see everyone again, to be reminded of how much they do not want me. I would have to see the disappointment on his face that I had become the one thing he did not want me to be. I would see how much he does not love me. I winced when a flicker of thought ran through my mind uninvited, what if he has a mate. Needing to stop this train of thinking in its tracks, I started thinking of mom and dad. I had been with them for almost a decade and loved them as my own. I had felt their love for me, but I was not a replacement for him. I realized he had been a lucky child to be blessed with such amazing parents in both his human and vampire lives, it was the one thing I envied him. I have felt moms love and compassion. I know dads protective yet stern side. Soon I would give him back his parents and I would not have them anymore. I would be alone and be the nomad I had never wanted to be.

Suddenly mom spoke up, needing a distraction and immediately I wished it would have been anything but this. "Bella, tell me about him. What does he like?" she asked kindly.

I took a deep gulp of air. "He still has unruly bronze hair. He runs very fast, the fastest in the family. He loves music, he plays beautifully." I could not hold back the memory of him at the piano playing for me.

"He still plays?" mom asked eagerly. I nodded my head, my lullaby already playing in my head. Without realizing it, I began humming it aloud. "What is that song? You used to listen to it when you first stayed in the flat in Chicago but not since you became one of us."

"It is one of his songs." I answered quietly, I could not tell them he had written for me.

You could see the awe written on both of their faces. "It is very lovely." mom whispered and began humming the tune as if we had listened to it daily since we met. As the day past they had begun to ask questions about him, but seeing my distress, dad moved the conversation to the safer topic of what we might expect during our search but they would slip up and ask about him. I tried to keep the answers simple, they really needed to hear his story from him. They needed to get to know him on their own. They respected my decision. I had never allowed myself to think of Edward like this and it hurt deeply to think of him so much but I would not deny mom and dad, this could be my last gift to them.

As dusk came we headed to Texas. I understood why mom kept up the steady stream of questions but I was really not sure how much more I could take. I know this would be the first step to finding their son but that was it. It was not like I had an address and we would be walking up to a house to meet them. At best maybe the truck will still be there and Jasper left me another clue to get to them when they left the first time. If they had wanted to find me I would have been found by now with the special gift of my old best friend. If they were watching at all they could know I was looking and stay one step ahead of me dragging this on forever, literally. It was then as my mom shot off another round of questions that I wished that would not be the case. My heart could not take this forever. I cannot think of him all the time. So I begged in my heart that Alice would see I needed to find them and make this quick but I had no faith that it would be.

We finally arrived at the storage facility just before four in the morning. Since it was locked and the front gate was monitored by cameras. We drove to the back and lept over the wall. I could not smell any fresh scents and knew no one had been here in sometime. We quickly located the unit and being inpatient I busted the lock clean off the door before realizing the key was with the keys to the truck. When we lifted the door, I was surprised there sat Jasper's truck, they had not moved it. I idly wondered if they even knew that I was now a vampire, maybe they had not looked for me at all. Once inside we partially lowered the door and I began looking around. I could smell several other vampires had been in the small space but they were all old and stale. There were a couple of small boxes in the corner of the unit but Jasper had only written about the truck so I would not touch them unless it was a last resort.

I opened the door and the smells were much more concentrated but still stagnant. Nothing stood out so I looked under the seat to find a small brown bag that I could smell had money in it. I would leave it where it was. I would not take more money from them when I left. There was another small backpack behind the seat, when I opened it there were additional identifications and credit cards with variations of my name on it. I wondered why Jasper thought I would need so many different forms during our run to Phoenix.

I then opened the glove box and found an envelope like the one on the backpack Jasper had left me and a phone. I flipped open the phone which had a dead battery. I would have to charge it and see if it could help me at all. I then opened the letter and immediately recognized Jasper's beautiful script.

_Dearest Bella,_

_I am not sure what has finally brought you to the truck but please complete reading this before you dismiss it. I am not sure why you have not wanted us to find you but we will not give up on you. Remember family does not give up on family Bella._

_Bella, we know you have been in pain. I know you want answers. Alice shared with us the small glimpse when you demanded answers from me. Bella, I do not have all the answers but I promise I will be with you and help you figure it out._

_I promise when we are together again to protect you like a big brother should and be there for you. I am sorry I did not do my job in the past, but swear I will if you give me the chance. I know Emmett feels the same. We both wish we could have been with you in your new born years._

_Bella there is so much to say that it cannot fit in this letter. Know that we miss you and care for you deeply. We will always be looking for you._

_Bella the phone that is with the letter has all of our numbers programmed so you can choose who to contact, it is up to you. There are additional identifications behind the seat and money as well. Please use the phone. Please give us a chance to explain._

_Your Brother,_  
><em>Jasper<em>

_P.S._

_The boxes in the corner are yours as well. Some of it is items from us. Others of it is stuff we salvaged from your father's home. Always hoping to see you soon, baby sister._

This not what I had expected to find, this letter left more questions than answers. What is he talking about, finally coming? How would he know how long it took me to look for the letter, unless... The pixie couldn't see me, like he had not been able to hear me, I hated the spark of hope this lit in me, it was still not enough.

The reference to family upset me. Not give up on me, they left me alone. I am not family. I don't even know what I will do after this little reunion.

The small flicker of hope that could not see me was dashed when Jasper said I had demanded answers from him. They had seen I was upset and he knew I wanted answers. They could have followed Alice's visions and came to me.

The obviously knew I was a vampire if Emmett and Jasper were concerned about me newborn years. They wanted me to give them a chance to explain and even though I knew I would be face to face with them again. I was not sure my heart could take hearing their guilt and excuses for the way things turned out.

My mind went to the cell phone in the glove box. I am not sure how old these items are or if the numbers were any good now. I knew I would try for mom and dad but I was not sure how I could do this. Who would I call? It could not be him. My heart could not take it and it was not something I tell him over the phone. It couldn't be the pixie, friends & sisters did not just walk away. Emmett had walked away too. The responsible thing to do would be to call Carlisle or Esme but they were just like my mother and could careless for me, talking to one of his sets of parents when I would have none was not an option. That left me Jasper or Rose. Rose had always hated me and the disruption I had brought to her family, she would probably hang up on me, but she still felt like a safer option than the rest except Jasper. I could go through the boxes, charge the phone and send his parents to them and head off somewhere.

As I peaked at the boxes, I realized as I finished the letter I had backed myself against the wall and was shaking.

"Bella, what is it?" Dad asking sounding panicked.

"Honey, what does it say? Do you want me to look at it?" Mom asked extending her arms for the letter or to hug me I was not sure.

I was trying to find the words to let them know we may have the next step of our search but before I could express anything we heard the quiet noise of fast approaching vampires. Mom and dad turned toward the door in defensive crouches and I once again felt the tightening of my muscles as the cloud inside me burst free again covering mom and dad just as the door of the unit was jerked open.

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><p>Again thank you for reading. Please review and let me know what you think.<p> 


	20. Found

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight SM does, I just like playing there. All lyrics are the property of the original artisit. The rest is mine.

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><p>AN:

I am giddy from all the fantastic reviews. I am squealing like a little girl reading your comments. Thank you Everyone! I am so happy with the response to the story. Thank you so much for your support and the death threats for the cliffhanger. Thank you every guest that reviewed I wish I could personally thank you but since I can't, THANK YOU! I love all the support and love for this story.

So this may seem like a cliffhanger also but I promise that the next chapter will be out within 24 hours.

**Thank you, Thank you! All of you who have followed or favorite-d me. As I have read on Fanfiction I never realized how awesome it is to get reviews. They are so addictive, please keep them coming if you like the story or have any suggestions.**

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><p>When your day is long and the night<br>The night is yours alone  
>When you're sure you've had enough of this life, well hang on<br>Don't let yourself go  
>Everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes<p>

Everybody hurts  
>Take comfort in your friends<br>Everybody hurts  
>Don't throw your hand Oh, no<p>

If you're on your own in this life  
>The days and nights are long<br>When you think you've had too much of this life to hang on

Well, everybody hurts sometimes  
>Everybody cries<br>And everybody hurts sometimes  
>And everybody hurts sometimes<br>So, hold on, hold on

Everybody hurts  
>You are not alone<p>

_Everybody Hurts, REM_

Chapter 20: Found

I could not believe it, Alice had another vision of my Bella, she was absolutely breath taking, and for once we knew where it was taking place. I had watched and subsequently replayed every vision and memory looking for evidence of where my love was for the last decade. I held out hope that Bella would still be mine. I knew she would not forgive me easily but I also knew we were mates. We had found each other and like a fool I had threw it away. If it were not for her companions I would be only a shell destined to live an eternity of purgatory on this lonely earth. I owe them everything. I also held out hope because of the recent visions that finally included me. I thought all of this as we ran to the airport in Anchorage. We had just over an hour once we got there to purchase our tickets that would take us across country and back to my love.

The first leg of the flight would take us to Denver. Since the flight was leaving so late in the evening there were very few people on the flight and they were all in the business class, we would have first class to ourselves. This portion of our flight would take around five hours. I kept picturing my Bella in the beautiful gown and imagined what it would be like to hold her in my arms, twirling her around the room. I briefly tried to focus on the few balls my mother had forced me to go to, I had never seen a goddess like my love. If I had I would have tried to get my name on her dance card for every song and even if I was only graced with one dance I would have still prayed that she would consent to allow me to court her. I began to think of all the ways I will court my love when I had her once again. I would make her see how wrong I was and how much I needed her in my life. I was determined she would be leaving with me.

'It might not be that easy' Alice thought. I knew that but I couldn't help but fantasize. It was easier than thinking about the next part of our trip when I was going to be stuck traveling for the next several hours. I did not bother to reply to Alice. However I did try to focus on the others thoughts.

Alice was scared to get hopeful. She thought through each lead we had followed. She recounted the search in Chicago and of the Oyer house in Pennsylvania. The closest we had been to Bella still being years behind her.

The stress and tension was palpable even without Jasper's gift and was debilitating the couple of times he slipped and projected. He was strategizing. He was bringing up memories of Ithaca and trying to determine the best way to corner Bella and make her listen. He was trying to determine how to handle Bella's companions. Not knowing for sure the dynamics of their coven understood that we could not afford to harm them and possibly have Bella side with them. He was also determined that if she gave the slightest sign that she was not happy or in danger at all he would remove the threat to his baby sister.

We had finally gotten on the plane and our emotions were not better. "We should be down there right now." Emmett grunted out as he went to punch the seat in front of him. His fist being caught by his wife just before impact and before major damage could be done. "I am sorry Rosie." he looked dejectedly at his wife.

'I don't think Emmett can take another disappointment.' Rosie sighed at me. 'I don't know if he can keep helping.' Rose thought to me. She was not planning on leaving and her heart was not behind quitting, she was just thinking how much it killed her to keep seeing her mate and family hurt this much. She also worried about how Bella was doing without the family. 'She was supposed to be with us. I wish I would have realized sooner. I am sorry Edward.'

"Me too." I answered her thoughts.

"Dam it we should be down there." Emmett growled. His thoughts were focused on the seeming lack of action flying was. We all knew that this was quicker but it felt like we weren't doing anything proactive. Emmett was about actions, running was doing something, and this was letting her slip through our hands again. When images of running were not flashing through his mind, he let images of himself giving Bella a bear hug.

Ever calm Carlisle spoke up, "Remember if they are attending the Tri-Services Ball they have an established life in the area. We should be able to find them." But his thoughts betrayed him, 'I hope this is not another false lead.' "We will have to be very cared once get there. It is obviously too soon for us to be back in the area." It was ironic that we had only left to find Bella and now we were returning to try and find her.

"Edward could make himself useful this time around. No one ever saw him when we lived there." Rose pointed out. I was pleased at the thought that I could be of the most help in locating my love but winced at the reminder of how I was and felt the last time we were in Ithaca. I had felt more alive since we left Anchorage than I had since I left my love.

"That might not be a good idea." Jasper pointed out. "Even if no one recognizes him, if they were to catch his scent it might spook them. Bella has always been smart, she will be attracted to the scent of her mate, if she thinks for a moment that it is Edward, she may run again." I cringed at the idea that my love would run away. 'I am a sorry Edward, but you have to be prepared that she may leave. If they have some way of knowing' he was cut off my a rather loud sob from Esme.

"Do you really think that she is running from us?" Esme whimpered. Focusing on her thoughts, where before she had only been thinking of her family being whole again. She would fluxuate between dotting on Bella and seeing me happy again with my love back. Now she was afraid that would never happen.

"I am not sure, Esme." Jasper answered in a calming voice. "She has not gone to the truck but we cannot be sure if she still had the information with her or the memory. However we know for sure she remembers us and she is not looking for us. She would have at least returned to Forks by now and we always remember to leave a note or something there for her to find. We also don't know what is happening with Alice's visions." he concluded as Alice noticeably flinched at his last comment. 'I am sorry Edward you have to think of all the possibilities.' he continued only for my benefit.

"Believe me, I have considered it. We have been looking for a decade and she has eluded us every time." I tried to hold in the sob, knowing it was my own fault that Bella was running from me.

Suddenly Emmett pounded the seat next to him "Dam it why do we have to be on this plane. We should be down there looking for her."

Trying to soothe her mate, Rose whispered "You know it would take us almost twice as long to get there if we ran."

He nodded but you could tell that it did not relax him. "We should be with her. We should have never left." 'This is your fault, Edward.' he sneered for my benefit.

I could not hold back the wince at his thoughts. "Don't you think I know that Emmett. Don't you realize I think about it every day? I screwed up. She may never forgive me, but I cannot give up."

"If you're lucky and we get her back and she manages to forgive you. So help me if you hurt her again, I will take pleasure in ripping you apart piece by little piece." Emmett growled. I could feel the agreement rolling off Jasper.

"If I am lucky enough for her to forgive me then I will never hurt her. If she cannot forgive me, I will spend the rest of eternity trying to prove to her how sorry I truly am. If I were to hurt her I would welcome my punishment." I answered stoically.

After we had sat in silence for some time Jasper and Carlisle started to formulate and lay out the plan for everyone. It was decided we would run the last leg of the flight. After leaving Denver the flight landed in Pennsylvania and then there was a switch to the small airport in Ithaca. We would forgo the last flight and run which would actually be quicker, that way we could skirt the town and not get our scent around and hopefully not alert them to our presence. Once we made it to our home Emmett and Jasper would hack into Cornell's personnel files to look for someone that may be connected to Bella. Rose and Alice would break into the high school and look through their student files to look for student information that may match Bella. Carlisle was going to try to use his hospital connections to see what he could find out. Esme would busy herself preparing our home for us to stay at. It left me with nothing but everyone believed that I could do more harm than good if I found out where she was or came across her scent and they probably were right because I would not be able to hold myself back from going to her. I would only be used if everyone else's searches failed. Once we found her we would wait until the evening and approach their home. We would focus all our efforts on keeping Bella there long enough to hear us out. With me being unable to read her mind and the issues with Alice's visions it could be difficult to head her off if she chooses to run.

We finally landed in Denver just before seven in the morning and would have a layover just under two hours before the adjoining flight would take us to Philadelphia. Once again it was difficult to stay still and remember why we were flying and not running. Even with the lay over it was still faster this way. Since it was early morning and we were in a big city the airport was much more crowded, it did not help our already frazzled nerves. We had already visited each store a couple of times each. Carlisle had also had to remind us to look human. To purchase food and to take a human minute in the restroom.

Again, it seemed like the tension dissipated a little when they called our flight. I knew it was temporary and would build again once we were in the air. We were preparing to board as Alice was hit with another vision. I grabbed Esme before she could hand over her ticket and Jasper moved Alice over to a corner of the terminal.

"Alice, please. I can't do this." Bella sobbed. "Please do not drag this out. He deserves to know. I know you have not been looking but please see this." my Bella took in a ragged breath. "Please, they are hurting. I don't want them to hurt and I cannot think of him this much, it hurts." I couldn't hold in the sob at the thought that thinking of me hurt my love. Bella took a deep breath and suddenly sounded clearer "I am heading to the truck. Show me how to get to you quickly. I am driving there now. I won't bother you after this I promise. I will move on but they all deserve this." The reason for my existence was looking for us but did not plan on staying. She would run from me again. "Please, if I ever meant anything to any of you, please." Bella whimpered as the vision faded out, just as quickly as it started it was over.

"What is it Alice, we are going to miss our flight." Emmett whined.

"We're not getting on the flight." Alice instructed everyone. I was still lost in the idea that we would see me love and she would run, my world would be shattered. "Jasper, she is headed to the truck. We need to get vehicles." Alice instructed and having complete faith in his wife, he gave her a quick nod. 'Edward, quit worrying about her leaving and start thinking about what you are going to do to make her stay.' Alice thought in a stern tone.

"What if she is just trying to throw us off again?" Rose snapped.

I let out a strangled chuckle, "She is not that good of an actress."

"Edward, what was the rest of that she was talking about? What do you deserve to know? Who is hurting?" Alice questioned. I was so focused on her leaving when we got there that I had not tried to figure anything else out but none of it made sense to me. "What does she mean, I have not been looking?" Alice ended in a whimper.

"I don't know, Alice." I winced.

"What did you see?" asked Carlisle.

Alice relayed the vision to the family, leaving everybody in contemplative silence. Even Jasper had stopped whatever he had been doing on his cell phone. No one moved for a few moments when suddenly Emmett had me by the throat pushed up against a wall, his thoughts and words matching identically.

"I am going to kill you! How could you do that to her?" Emmett sounded feral. I was shocked when I saw where Emmett's thoughts had taken him. With the pressure on my throat I could not point out how insane he was being.

"What are you talking about?" Jasper whisper yelled, as he tried to pull the giant away from me.

"Oh, come on! He deserves to know. They are hurting." Emmett was pleading with everyone understand his anger. Hopefully someone else would see reason and correct him. "I can't do this. They deserve this." Then it wasn't just Emmett mad at me, Rose and Jasper were just as pissed. How could any of them think that?

"Stop!" Alice demanded. "That is not it. Now everyone calm down. We are making a scene." She was trying to get everyone to focus, "I am not sure what Bella is talking about but that is not it. We need to figure out how we are getting to Bella. I think Edward is right she is heading to Texas." Alice finished.

As soon as Emmett let go of me I was on the defensive. "I would never have defiled her that way. Do you think I have no morals?" I was barely holding on to the edge. "Children, really Emmett did you forget, vampire, can't have children."

"Sorry, I wasn't thinking clearly." Emmett at least had the decency to look ashamed of his outburst. "I can't take this." my giant brother sobbed. "What if it is another died end. Another wild goose chase, once again just a little too late."

'Sorry, I told you Edward. He is too sensitive for this.' Rose re-enforced her earlier thoughts on how Emmett was coping.

"Alright, I have arranged for us to pick up a couple of Subaru Tribecas'. They will be ready around four this afternoon when the window tenting is complete." Jasper informed everyone as if nothing had just happened. "We just need to figure out how to get to the dealership before it closes without being exposed to the sun." At that everyone turned to Alice.

I watched as she began looking into the future to formulate the rest of the day. "We have to wait here for a couple of hours until the storm rolls in. Once we leave we can make it to the Rocky Mountain Arsenal National Wildlife Reserve." she explained to the family. "The cars will not be done at the expected time. So we will have enough time after hunting to make it to the Sixteenth Street Mall, since once again we have left with nothing." Everyone groaned but she continued. "However we need to make it to Mike Shaw Subaru before six thirty or they will put off finishing the job until the next day."

Everyone was very anxious while we were stuck in the airport. When we were finally able to leave it was a good thing we were headed to the reserve to burn off the tension that being trapped had created. Everyone hunted then gathered at the western border of the reserve. We then made our way to the mall trying to find a distraction from the tension that waiting to leave was creating. We were ready to head to the dealership well before four in the afternoon but Alice's visions showed we would have problems if we got there too soon. We would not be able to hide the tension while we waited for the vehicles. So we were stuck trying to busy ourselves and pretend to be bothered by the blizzard going on outside. We called a taxi and made it the dealership at six fifteen. Carlisle and Jasper completed the paperwork for both vehicles, they would complete the tinting but we would not be able to leave until they finished just before eight. As soon as they were done we were on our way.

Once we had the vehicles we were able to drive straight through. I hissed as the storage unit came into to my range. "I can hear two others in the unit." I could not suppress the joy I felt for the first time in years. "Bella is in there. I can see her in their minds." I informed everyone.

"What are they thinking? Do they know we are here yet?" Carlisle asked.

"I do not think they realize we are here, maybe they do. I am not sure, I think there is another gift Garrett did not tell us about or it is part of Bella's" I was perplexed, what I was hearing and seeing did not make sense. "The others thoughts are mostly focused on Bella, they are concerned for her. I can see in their eyes she has backed herself against a wall." His breathing became strained, "Something is wrong. She is upset. I don't think they did anything to her they are worried about her. Between their frantic thoughts for Bella they are having flickers of images of me and concerns for myself just like for her, but more so her right now." I was so confused, my mind came to the only conclusion that made sense. "They must have some other power Garrett did not tell us about and they may know we are here. The images are not something they could have seen before, some are things only Bella could have imagined." I did not want to go in unprepared but Bella was becoming more upset the longer we waited. I needed to get to her. Looking for a way to get in, I was interrupted by Jasper.

"Security cameras." Jasper said indicating with his head. "Let's move to back of the facility."

We spotted the dodge charger and we could detect the scent we believed to be Bella's along with the two scents that have been her companions.

"Finally she drives a classic worth having." Rose whispered in approval.

"So, how do we proceed from here?" Carlisle asked, looking at both myself and Alice. "We do not know how Bella will react or how her companions will react to her distress."

"She wanted Edward here. We should be able to go to her." Emmett whined.

"She may want him here but that does not mean she will react well once she sees him." Carlisle pointed out. 'You know she said she would leave once this is resolved'

I grimaced at his thoughts but steeled myself. I was going to fight. She is my first priority, has been since I met her. I failed her once it would not happen again "She is upset, I am going to her." I asserted.

Carlisle turned to Alice. "Try, try looking for us, not her."

I was already preparing to go in, I did not care what Alice saw, Bella was here and I would not lose her again. Alice gasped before whimpering "We all disappear once we go in."

"Edward, wait let's have her look at other..." Carlisle called after me but trailed off since I had already jumped the fence.

Jasper and Emmett immediately flanked me, Carlisle and Esme following on either side of them and Alice and Rosalie following closely behind as we made our way to the storage unit. I would not be deterred. As I reached the door I could hear the quiet growl from inside and the thoughts from those inside projected protectiveness. When I jerked the door open I could not stop the sob of relief that seeing my mate again caused to rise in my throat. Then my mind caught up to everything it was seeing. It wasn't possible, someone with a powerful gift was doing this. What had I done to deserve this? Why would someone project the only other people I had missed most in this world? I had not seen my parents in nearly a hundred years, why was someone so cruel. My parents are not real, we have been back we would have known. If they are not real then 'Oh God my mate is gone too.' I collapsed to the ground. This was too much and everybody's frantic thoughts ran through my mind. I was in too much pain to focus on anyone in particular. I was vaguely aware of Alice calling to Jasper who was also lying curled in on himself. Words and incoherent statements along with sobs started to pour from me once I saw the projection of Bella crumple in on herself and fall to the floor.

APOV

Edward entered the room with Emmett and Jasper flanking him. Carlisle and Esme were coming in behind them and Rose and I were the last to see the scene unfold. Bella and Edward both seemed to gasp at the same time as their eyes met for the first time. Followed a split second later by Carlisle and Bella's companions. I was panicking. Edward and Jasper had both collapsed to the ground. Bella crumpled to the ground against the wall, holding her head and shaking. I went to Jasper but there was nothing I could do. Esme was hovering over Edward as he too held his head, muttering unintelligibly. Carlisle stood there apparently in shock as he opened and closed his mouth several times as if he was trying to form words. Emmett had placed himself between our family and Bella's coven not knowing what to make of the situation.

"How? How? When?" Carlisle kept repeating. "I didn't know. I didn't know."

"Not possible. Oh God!" Edward sobbed. "My Bella, how? Not possible."

Jasper could do nothing but whimper and gasp at every emotion that he was feeling.

When Bella let out a whimper, Emmett reached for his sister causing her two companions to move to protect her while letting out a ferocious growl. Finally snapping Carlisle out of his shock, he quickly moved to place himself between his large son and two people he had not seen in almost a century. Carlisle stood with his hand in front of him and you could tell he was torn. He worried for his children who were under distress and he was obviously confused, we were missing something and it troubled Carlisle greatly.

"Mr. Masen?" Carlisle addressed the man but it came out as a question.

"Dr. Cullen, it has been a long time." The man replied. The entire time Edward continued to chant, however his need for his mate seemed to overrule everything else as that became the only thing to escape his lips. He said it over and over, seeming to try and press everything else away. "There is much we need to discuss however I think we need to address the children first." He answered curtly.

Carlisle looked to me "We will not be able to help him until we can get everyone's emotions under control." I said to him and he turned his attention to Edward.  
>"Edward, I know you are confused, as am I." Carlisle said as he knelt down next to his first son.<p>

"Oh God, Bella, my Bella." Edward whimpered. "Not possible. Gone. Oh God."

"Edward, Bella is here. This is not a trick. Remember I met them before. They are who they appear to be. They are your mom and dad." Carlisle told him. At that everyone one except those who were affected by their gifts, Carlisle and Edward's biological parents gasped.

The flood of new thoughts and emotions made Jasper and Edward curl into fetal positions on the floor. Bella had wound herself tightly into a ball and let out several whimpers which had her companions crouched over her, both of them talking trying to help. Also stealing glances at Edward you could see the longing on their faces. There was pain as they watched Carlisle and Esme trying to comfort their son, but there was a similar look as our parents looked at their missing daughter wanting to make this better. I had to focus on my mate. I loved my family but he was my first priority. After several attempts with no luck with any of the group I decided to take my mate from the location. As I removed us from the situation I could see us again but Jasper demanded we go back. He remembered his promises to Bella and he planned to be the big brother he had failed to be before.

"If we do not figure this out or get them out of here soon we are going to be stuck in this storage unit until night fall. I think." I warned everyone. Carlisle quirked his brow at me. "I cannot see anyone's future but my own, and I can only see myself her in this unit for the day. I decided to take Jasper but he only decided to come back and then I am here again."

"Do you have somewhere we can go to until we can figure this out?" Carlisle asked Mr. Masen.

"No, we have never been this far south." he answered.

Carlisle then looked to Emmett. "We have Jasper's place in Galveston but I do not think we can make it before the sun comes out."

"Alice, try to make the decision to take everyone there and see if you can see yourself there." he said to me.

"No Carlisle, we are stuck in here." I sighed sadly.

Everyone returned to trying to help the three that were incapacitated by their own gifts.

"What is Bella's power?" Carlisle asked Edward's parents after all the cooing, gentle support, and flat out admonishments to the three had not worked.

"We never figured it out completely. She told us that her mind was protected when she was a human. Only once has anything else happened. She had desired to share my gift and she said she had a cloud burst from her and once it covered Elizabeth and I, she too had my gift." Mr. Masen informed him.

Carlisle turned to Bella with a look of horror on his face. "She can hear and feel everything in this room." He stated, but again it sounded like a question.

Esme and Elizabeth both gasped. Elizabeth tried to place her arms around Bella, while she longingly looked to Edward. While Esme held onto Edward's shoulders looking to Bella the same way. When they noticed each other they shared a sad smile.

"May I?" Carlisle asked Elizabeth as he leaned down to try to help Bella. She gave him a simple nod. "Bella?" he said kneeling in front of her. She stared back at him with vacant eyes. Edward let out a whimper that we now notice rippled through each one of them. "Bella, sweetheart. It is good to see you again. Can you see the cloud around you dear?" He waited for a response, nothing. "Bella, you know Jasper and Edward cannot shut off their gifts, it sounds like you are experiencing them as well." He said calmly hoping he was getting through. "Can you pull it back, pull back your shield Bella." She still sat curled up and whimpering. "I think she is in shock and to inexperienced with her gift to control it." Carlisle addressed the Masen's.

"Can we help the others?" Elizabeth spoke for the first time, while continuing to look at Edward. "Maybe if they are not as distressed it will help her?"

"Jasper can feel everything that everyone around him is feeling. It is not something you can really cover up. Edward can hear every thought around him except Bella's. You can try to hide your thoughts but I am not sure how successful we could all be with everything that is going on." He said as he gave the Masen's another questioning glance. "Unfortunately I think we may have to just give them time for the newness to ware off a bit before we can start to get through."

Mr. Masen shook his head. "There has to be something we can do. We have already been in here for hours and even when we can leave I do not plan to separate until this is resolved." he said sternly. It was obvious he was not letting Edward go anywhere.

"Edward, maybe we should get Bella out of here somehow? This has always upset her so. Maybe it would be best for both of them." Elizabeth whispered but could not hide the wince that the idea created.

You could see both Jasper and Bella cringe from the feelings this statement created, but it did something to Edward. Suddenly his eyes met with Elizabeth's and she let out a whimper with the glare he gave her. Then his eyes wandered to Bella's form curled onto his mother's lap.

"Edward" Carlisle addressed him like the scared child he was. "Edward, Bella has a gift she cannot control. We think she is duplicating your gift and Jasper's. She may also be replicating Edward Seniors and Alice's gift. Can you help us help her? I know you do not want Bella to suffer."

Edward's eyes traveled over Carlisle then to his parents as his mother sobbed he winced and crumpled back on to the ground sobbing with his eyes now fixed on Bella. Jasper gasped at this new wave of pain as he looked to me with pleading eyes.

"Carlisle, I think Elizabeth maybe right." I asserted. "We might have to split everyone apart until we can figure out how to control Bella's gift or until they can tolerate everything." The trio again all cried out. This was asinine, Edward and Jasper would not be removed from Bella and Bella she was not responsive.

I was hit with a vision of Bella springing to her feet and wracked with sobs leaving the storage unit alone. I cringed at the idea of her leaving and saw as it rippled through both Jasper and Bella. Why would she want to leave? It took me a moment but I realized that Bella was being selfless like always, my stubborn sister, she would sacrifice and remove herself from this situation. "I think Bella wants to leave. Alone." I whispered the last word. "I believe she thinks she needs to remove herself to make things better." Pain ripped through everyone at the thought of what losing her meant. The tortured expressions of Jasper and Bella tightened. While causing pained sobs to escape Edward.

"Well both of those ideas, separating or someone sacrificing their selves, obviously causes pain. I don't think we should separate them or let them separate again." Rose whined. "We have been looking for Bella for a decade, we can't just give up." Edward's parents both turned to stare at Rose at the new revelation.

A small tight smile appeared on Elizabeth's face at this news. "He has been looking for her?" she asked quietly.

Rose refrained from a sarcastic comment as Emmett answered for her, "He is lost without her."

It was then that I notice Jasper's breathing started to calm. Then it was racing again. He was panicking. "Why, can't I feel you? Alice what is happening? I can't feel anyone." Jasper said as he was able to pull himself from the ground.

"Jasper, what do you mean you can't feel me?" I asked.

He took a calming breath. "I can see you all here but I cannot feel your emotions. My gift is blocked. Alice can you see the future, at all?" Jasper asked.

I tried to look but could see nothing. Not even my own future. "I can't see anything." I gasped, looking to my mate panicked.

Everyone's eyes traveled to Edward who was still on the floor, curled into a ball, rocking as he stared at Bella with large incredulous eyes.

"Can you hear anything?" Carlisle whispered. "Edward I need you to answer me, can you hear anyone's thoughts?"

"He is not responding to my thoughts?" Emmett whispered.

"Quiet." he whimpered never removing his gaze from Bella.

Everyone turned in awe to Bella who was still curled in on herself staring blankly at the wall, completely locked down.

"Bella, honey." Elizabeth cooed. "Bella, talk to me." No response.

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><p>Again thank you all for reading. Please review and let me know what you think.<p> 


	21. Home & Love

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight SM does, I just like playing there. All poetry is the property of the original author. The rest is mine.

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><p>AN:

Here it is as promised. Okay I may have missed the deadline by a few minutes but it was almost 24 hours.

I have not taken the time to read or reply to the reviews for the last chapter posted since I was in a hurry to get this one out. I will still get to them but I wanted to take this chance to say thank you a head of time.

So the story is winding down but don't worry it is not over yet. It won't be that easy. Please let me know what you think. THANK YOU! I love all the support and love for this story.

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><p>Just Home and Love! the words are small<br>Four little letters unto each;  
>And yet you will not find in all<br>The wide and gracious range of speech  
>Two more so tenderly complete:<br>When angels talk in Heaven above,  
>I'm sure they have no words more sweet<br>Than Home and Love.

Just Home and Love! it's hard to guess  
>Which of the two were best to gain;<br>Home without Love is bitterness;  
>Love without Home is often pain.<br>No! each alone will seldom do;  
>Somehow they travel hand and glove:<br>If you win one you must have two,  
>Both Home and Love.<p>

And if you've both, well then I'm sure  
>You ought to sing the whole day long;<br>It doesn't matter if you're poor  
>With these to make divine your song.<br>And so I praisefully repeat,  
>When angels talk in Heaven above,<br>There are no words more simply sweet  
>Than Home and Love.<p>

_Home & Love Robert William Service_

Chapter 21: Home & Love

I knew vampires were coming and some rational part of my mind told me it was them but I was not prepared and was still shocked when my Adonis burst into the storage unit. There he stood, my memory not doing his beauty justice. Following him my first vampire family arrived. When I heard my, his parents and my first vampire father gasp, my instinct was to protect those I love. The cloud that had covered mom and dad had grew to cover everyone.

I dropped to the floor clutching my heart. The number of emotions I was feeling was staggering. It was impossible to tell who each emotion belonged to and the rawness of them was too much to bare. Only a split second later I was filled with so many thoughts I could not tell who each belonged to. There we fragments of thoughts bleeding together. With no time to adjust to the sensory overload I began to get flickers of images repeatedly. I cradled my head as the pain ebbed and flowed through my heart and mind, the pain so severe that it all became a buzz of sobs, whimpers, and moans. I wanted to open my eyes to reconcile what was happening, however each time I did I was met with images my heart could not handle. When my gaze found Edward curled up on the floor I let out a whimper.

The movement of the large man I had once considered my brother caught my attention just before my dad placed himself between me and the hulking vampire, letting out a ferocious growl. I could see Alice hovering over Jasper and knew that a measure of the worry I could sense was hers. I knew mom and dad were trying to talk to me, but nothing was getting through the cacophony of thoughts and emotions raging with in me. It was then that Carlisle was spurred into action and it was obvious that he remembered Edward's biological parents. When he confirmed their identities to the rest of the room another surge of thoughts and emotions overwhelmed me and I was forced to close my eyes once again.

I started to see images again flipping quickly in my mind. Different scenarios and the only acceptable outcome was all of us in this storage unit.

The next time I was able to open my eyes through the onslaught, I was met with the horror filled eyes of Carlisle. I briefly wondered if I was what horrified him. When Jasper whimpered it reverberated in me and I was distracted and could no longer focus on Carlisle. I worked to maintain the mask and blankness that I would use to cover my pain. I felt someone's arms wrap around me and it took several moments to realize they were moms.

I knew Carlisle was talking to me. I could see his mouth moving but I could also hear his thoughts. 'They are all in pain, my children.' He knew how everyone worked but me and he was trying to help. I wanted to collapse in on myself but nothing worked. I had to protect those I love and the love was tearing me apart but that was nothing new.

Again I could not register what was happening or being said around me. Only the thoughts and feelings. I suddenly could feel immense pain from the person closest to me and that would be my mother. I tried to focus on her thoughts and somehow knew she felt she would have to pick between her son and I. That was not going to happen, I had never been and would never be a replacement for their lost child. I was not sure how I would do it, it would kill me to do it but I needed to become the nomad I knew I was destined to be. I needed to figure out how to get out of her alone. I knew Alice was speaking but I was trying to plan my departure when several immense stabs of pain hit me at once I had to figure this out even if it meant being alone. I saw Carlisle move to Edward and a surge of protectiveness overcame me and I knew I needed to make this better for him before I left. I spent all the energy I could to focus on Carlisle's thoughts, he knew Jasper was struggling with everyone's emotions and Edward was trying to deal with all the thoughts coming from the room. He was not sure what was happening to me and did not know how to help but he thought I was replicating their powers causing an unending cycle of pain and thoughts. I was not sure if that was correct but when he had the thought that I was the key to protecting them it caught my attention. He thought if I could shield Edward from me and I could replicate their powers, could I shield everyone from those same powers. This pain was relentless and I knew I needed to keep them from feeling this pain. I tried to block the pain from myself, hide it in indifference. I was unsuccessful but after my attempt I noticed a thicker cloud that seemed to be weaker than the original mist that I was able to maintain with no effort. I began pushing and stretching it with my mind. Slowly I was able to match it to the original cloud. It took everything from me and I was gritting my teeth in the effort to hold it in place. It stopped the pain and thoughts that were invading me. I allowed me to truly lock everything down like I had only been able to do one other time when they left me. I was numb and I liked it. I froze myself in position not allowing myself to look at anyone. I focused all energy on one point. If I stayed this way I could keep everyone out for me and for Edward and for Jasper.

I knew it was working when I could hear Jasper panicking at the loss of his additional sense. I felt for him but knew if I allowed him to have it back I would break the link and we both would be back on the ground from the emotions flowing around and if I were being honest I planned to stay this way until I could get away.

I could feel the intensity of Edward's stare and slowly everyone's eyes were on me. That was moments before mom started talking "Bella, honey." she cooed. "Bella, talk to me." I could not respond. I could not and would not let this go. I also knew deep down that if I stopped what I was doing we would be back at square one.

"Bella, you are safe here." Carlisle said in front of me and I heard whimpers but I could not spend any energy on deciphering their origins.

"Sweetheart," Dad said sternly but before he continued Jasper cut him off.

"I think we need to address what we can while Bella has everything blocked." he stated solemnly. "She will not be able to maintain this unconditionally without other repercussions." Ignoring everyone's attempt at interjecting, he continued. "Bella's smart, she knows that if she breaks whatever this is we will end up back where we were. We need to address and deal with everything that does not involve Bella." Everything that had to do with these merging families had nothing to do with me. I had returned his parents to him, as much as I loved his parents, I would not stay with those who did not want me. My heart was not strong enough and I was not sure how long I could keep everything at bay, but the longer I did it the easier it becoming to stay numb.

"This has everything to do with Bella, anything with this family has to do with Bella." Dad hissed. At that I heard a growl that I know belonged to Edward, I winced but feeling the cloud pull back I refocused my energy.

Jasper always soothing, "The same for our family as well. Bella is fundamental to all of us." He placated my parents. So obviously I had blocked his father's power as well, really there was no reason to lie. "What I mean, is we need to address whatever is not directly associated to her," he said while turning to look at Edward, "while she has our extra abilities deadened."

"Please listen to him." Carlisle implored. "This may be the only time he can address this with only his own thoughts, not having to worry about how this is effecting everyone else."

"I don't know where to start" I heard dad murmur. "As you know we were all very ill, Dr. Cullen." his voice turning to steel.

"I remember." Carlisle sighed. "Please believe me I did not however know you or Elizabeth had been bitten. I am not sure what Bella has told you."

"Until a couple of days ago Bella had never told us any of your names, she spoke highly of you all without knowing of any connection. When the connection was made she was very upset that she did not see it before." Dad explained.

Carlisle replied with a small laugh, "that sounds like Bella."

Dad continued, "Once she put the pieces together, she explained that Elizabeth had begged you to help our son. Bella said that she was told that Elizabeth seemed to know there was something else you could do for him." Dad looked questioningly at Carlisle.

"That is correct. That is not the only reason I turned Edward though." Carlisle was being honest and I knew that would really please the man I knew as my dad.

"I know. I appreciate your honesty. Since Bella has blocked my power I was wondering how much you would disclose. Bella said you were also very lonely and had been for some time. You had contemplated making a companion and with the push you received from Beth you acted on it." Dad looked to Carlisle for conformation.

"That is true. Please tell me what happened with you and Mrs. Masen?" Carlisle asked.

I sat focused on keeping my shield in place. I knew Edward needed to hear all of this and make his own decisions without worrying how either set of his parents would take it. I listened to the same story dad had told me about being bitten for a newborn army. Now knowing everything I am ashamed I had not placed everything together sooner. Seeming to know what I was thinking dad turned his attention to me. "Bella, please don't beat yourself up over any of this." Dad continued with the story. Mom and Esme had not left mine or Edward's side as this had happened and I heard the whimpers coming from the three of them along with the ragged breath from my father. I wanted to comfort them but I knew this was the only way. "After watching the hospital burn down and believing we had lost our son, we were lost. We knew we could not go home and we refused to be around people. We did our best. We knew that all of those people were someone's child." Dad took a few steadying breaths to calm himself. "We found our way into the surrounding wilderness and for many years we lived there. That is where we discovered we could live off of animal blood. When we were finally able to be around people we returned to our home devastated to see all our mementos and photographs had been stolen. We found then that our home had been sold. We made our peace with it since everything connected to our son was gone."

Someone cleared their throat. "Edward owns that property sir." Emmett offered.

Dad nodded, "We retreated back into the wilderness for a while but eventually we started the life we were living before Bella came into our lives." Dad turned to face his son and he seemed to slump in on himself. This was so unlike dad, he was always so sure of everything. "Edward, son we never forgot about you."

Edwards head snapped up and his eyes met his fathers for the first time before they scanned to his mom. I heard the whimper that escaped both of them and wanted to tell my mom to go to him. Edward's eyes landed on me and he looked torn. I was not sure why, was he upset that I had been with his parents. That his parents had made me the one thing he never wanted. At mom's sob Edward's eyes returned to her. I noticed the small frame of my once best friend approach mom and I. Something was communicated and mom moved from my side. I feared feeling Alice hold me, something I had once longed for. I felt her hesitantly replace mom's arms around my shoulders as I watched mom move next to dad, then pass him to place herself in front of Edward. I was startled to hear the small hiss come from his lips.

"Edward, she did not mean to block Bella." Jasper whispered. Mom moved slightly revealing me once again. I was confused why not seeing me would make him hiss. We had not seen each other in a decade and that was his choice. I winced and for a split second, I lost control of my shield. At Jasper's moan I refocused my attention. "Edward it is okay to handle this before you talk to Bella. She would want you to." Jasper continued.

With one last look at my form he turned to his mother. When she whispered "Edward." You could see the wall break down. They reached tentative hands out to each other almost in fear that the other one would disappear. Once the connection was made, mom pulled her son into her arms. A moment later I noticed dad looking at me, with a small nod he joined mom.

I knew the emotions were high around the room but I could not let myself be a part of them. I had noticed Esme being held by Carlisle and with a loud sob I saw her flash to my side. Alice quickly moved and my first vampire mother had me in her arms again. I wanted to break down I wanted to let the protection she once made me feel take over but I knew it would only be temporary and I was becoming addicted to the numbness this new layer provided.

I lost track of how long I stayed frozen in my current state. I blocked out the murmured conversation reconnecting the lost family. However after what could have been hours or days the group that all attention seemed to be riveted to started to move. "We have missed you, Edward." Mom said.

"And I you." He whispered in return. As his stare wandered to me and back to his parents.

"She is amazing Edward." mom said when she saw his eyes shift. I did not want her to make him feel like he had to pick me.

"I know." He responded looking my way again. In that moment he sounded like the Edward who had loved me and not the one who broke my heart, it did not make sense but I would squash any hope that bubbled up inside me.

Dad stepped between Edward and myself. "You hurt her very deeply." dad whispered. "She has been hurting for a long time." Edward nodded. "I love you Edward." You could hear the gasps around the room. I wanted to roll my eyes, of course they loved him, and they always had. What wasn't there to love? "But I will not let you hurt her." Edward sobbed and mom clutched him to her. "I will only allow you near her if I know your intentions are real and pure."

"She is my mate." Edward sobbed and it took every bit of me to not collapse from his words. Why would he say such things? Was he worried his parents would pick me over him. "You will not keep her from me." Edward squared his shoulders staring back at dad.

Dad chuckled, "Good you stood up to me. Now stand up for her. Be the man she needs and admit your mistakes." Dad instructed Edward sternly. "There are many things Bella told us, that I was not happy about. But being here in this room I know they were meant to be." Dad reached his hand out to Carlisle. As they shook hands and embraced most of the tension in the room disappeared and I felt the weight lift from my shield. The numbness would be easier to maintain and possibly allow me to move out of this room.

As they all turned to me I was terrified of what would happen now. I did not want to feel the fear and hurt that their words could bring. I focused hard on a speck on the opposite wall refusing to look at anyone. I gritted my teeth and locked down my muscles as if for impact waiting to be dismissed from this newly formed family. Though I was confused I still knew I would not be enough.

"Bella," Esme was the first to address me. They did not need me to talk to say what was coming so I clenched my jaw tighter.

"Sweetheart," mom's attempt was next. She got the same response.

The next person to touch me, was a surprise. Lifting me from my position on the floor I was in a trademark bear hug. "Bella, little sis. It is so good to see you." I forced more strength into my shield. As I watched Emmett step away with a defeated sigh.

I felt another set of arms surround my shoulders but not in a hug but from around my back as if to detain me. "Bella, it is going to hurt. You are going to be confused. It is going to take time, but it's time to start healing." Jasper said directly into my ear. "You have to let the numbness go and feel it. Like I promised I will be here." He reinforced his words with a subtle squeeze to my shoulders. "You can let the shield down. Edward and I will be fine, it may be tough with everything that is happening but we need you to be whole. We have missed you." He tried to move me so that I was looking directly at Edward, I kept my eyes diverted from looking into his. "You are going to have to do it now."

I was confused by his last statement until Edward hissed "Not here. Not like this."

Dad approached both of us and placed his hand on Edward's shoulder with a stiff nod. I saw Edward square himself and then turn to face me. "Isabella," I wanted to melt into the beautiful voice that sounded so fragile but I could not let the hole in my chest be ripped any further. There would be nothing left of me. "Bella, I am so sorry love. For all the pain I have caused you. I lied to you the day I left you in the forest. There is no way for me not to love you. It was the blackest form of blasphemy when I told you, you were no good for me. It was I who will never be good enough for you. You were right as usual it was my fear for your soul that kept me from wanting this life for you. If I had not feared for your soul I would have changed you as soon as I returned from Alaska when I heard my name on your sleeping lips. I know better now Bella. There has to be something bigger than us, for all of us to be in this room together."

"It is working her breathing is getting heavier" Mom assessed.

"Bella, I will spend the rest of eternity trying to earn your forgiveness and prove my love for you if you will let me. I need you in my life Bella. I have held tightly to the brief glimpses Alice has been able to see of you. I feared so much when we couldn't see you after Victoria's attack. I am sorry we did not get to you in time. I am so thankful mom and dad were there to protect you. They could never have done anything more important to my existence. Please love look at me. When we finally saw you after your change I was so happy I would have time to find you and we have been looking. We weren't sure why Alice could not see you all of the time, I realize now it has to have something to do with you power. Bella, please let me see your eyes. Show me that I still have a chance to make this better." He sobbed and it was taking everything to not fall apart to collapse to the ground, but I did not want to be lied to. I had thought they all loved me before.

"Bella, please listen to him." Alice plead.

I tried to fight off Jasper's arms. I needed to be away from this. I could fall apart somewhere else. He tightened his grip on me. "Not this time Bella. No one is running anymore. All of us have been living with hurt and pain and we are the only ones who can let it go." He took a deep breath. "Bella you have the power all of it, use it. Use your dads to tell if we are lying. Use mine, keep it if you must. Feel what we feel for you. Take Edward's and hear our thoughts. Know what thoughts consume us the way you have been consumed. You can't stay numb forever Bella."

I tried to pull my shield away from dad but the fear that I would loss my protection had me scrambling to reinforce my protection. I noticed Jasper give a nod to everyone one, seconds before I saw Edward's fingers reaching for my face. I snapped my eyes to his and could not contain the gasp when I saw the love and pain in his eyes. He did not stop the movement of his hands as he went to cradle my face. As he finally touched my skin the familiar electricity sparked between us and I swear my heart stole a beat and I lost my hold on the shield. I would have collapsed to the ground again had Jasper not been holding me. As it was I was trembling and ragged breaths broke from my chest as everything came rushing back. "Feel it Bella. Feel what everyone feels. It can be overwhelming but it is better than numb." I could feel all of it. The love, hurt, pain and longing we all kept contained inside. "Use the power Bella" he continued. "Feel the honesty. You will know if anyone is lying. Feel the truth behind our thoughts and feelings. Hear us Bella." He continued through a shaky voice.

I turned my head to my mom. I could feel her parental love, equal in its portions for both Edward and I. 'Oh, honey. I wish I could take aware both of your pain."

'They finally have each other again. Oh how I have missed my child.' Esme thought with her heart full of compassion.

'I hope the pain will be over.' Rose

As I focused on Alice, she had a giddy excitement as she showed me a vision. 'You are still my best friend. Please forgive me.'

'I am so sorry I failed to protect you like a big brother should.' Emmett focused on the same sentence over and over with nothing but pure love behind it. Obviously he wanted me to get the message.

It was comical that dad and Carlisle's thinking were so similar. 'Both of my children, so stubborn. Please let them get past this. They deserve happiness.' Were there mutual silent prayers.

'Bella, I am so sorry for everything that has happened. Know you are good enough. You are the best part of this family. You were the missing piece. Let us, him make it up to you.' I heard from Jasper with intense sorrow and love.

When I finally turned my head back to Edward I tried focus on his thoughts and was met with silence. It was very frustrating, every other person's thoughts had been clear to me. I tried to focus harder, suddenly I felt a pure unadulterated love so intense my knees began to buckle and I looked to Edward, he mouthed 'I love you!' and the truth behind it was so intense I collapsed into him.

Before anything else could register he had gathered me in his lap, the hum of the electricity relaxed my body in way it had never been since becoming a vampire. When I inhaled his scent I could feel the purr in my chest. When I nuzzled into his neck I could hear the masculine purr coming from him and I was whole. Not like I had been healed but as if there had never been any hole in my chest. This moment in my forever was perfect and I would stay right here.

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><p>Don't worry it is not quite over, Edward is not getting off that easy. Please review, let me know what you thought. Remember I am always open to inspiration.<p> 


	22. Best of Intensions

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight SM does, I just like playing there. All poetry is the property of the original author. The rest is mine.

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><p>AN:

Thank you, Thank you for sticking with me through this story. We are nearing the end but not there yet. Thank you for your wonderful reviews. Please let me know what you think.

Need to apologize for not replying. Did not realize there was a problem and all of my wonderful FanFiction email was being sent to my junk box and I did not see my wonderful emails and reviews. I have fixed it and I will get hopefully reply shortly.

Hope you enjoy the rest of the reunion!

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><p>"I pray you, in your letters,<br>When you shall these unlucky deeds relate,  
>Speak of me as I am; nothing extenuate,<br>Nor set down aught in malice. Then must you speak  
>Of one that loved not wisely but too well;<br>Of one not easily jealous, but being wrought,  
>Perplexed in the extreme. . ."<br>_William Shakespeare__, __Othello_

Chapter 22: Best of Intensions

"I hate to break this up but if we do not go now, we will be here for another day." Emmett stated.

I did not know how long we had been in our current position but I knew I did not want to move. I did not know how long this euphoria would last and I did not want to break this spell. I had felt the raw emotions of everyone in the room and knew that each had love for me but would it be enough. Would I be enough or would the newness of my return to their lives wear off? I had felt the love and pain of both my families but I still had the last decade of memories telling me that I was not good enough and that he no longer loved me. I was also angry that they are the ones that made me have such doubt in myself. I felt the wave of calm hit me and though I knew Jasper sent it to me, I did not have it in me to move from my nestled position in Edwards's lap, so I concentrated on the feeling of appreciation hoping he would understand.

"If we leave now we can make it to the ranch before the sun comes up." Alice stated. Answering someone's unasked question she replied "I see Jasper and I getting their just before sunrise. Edward, Bella, Mr. & Mrs. Masen, Carlisle and Esme can take one vehicle. Jasper and I will drive the other Tribeca and before you ask Rose, Bella will let you drive her Charger."

The time had come for me to move but I was not sure if I was ready to look into his eyes again. I knew my breathing had faltered. If I were still human my heart would have been hammering against my ribcage. No one spoke again and suddenly I was being carried. I had not moved my head from its nuzzled position but knew we were moving to the back fence that we had jumped over before I could consider moving we had jumped back over and were climbing into a vehicle. I waited to see if I would be moved from my current position and when I felt myself being nuzzled closer I decided to relish this for a little bit longer.

Sooner or later this little piece of heaven had to be broken. I would have to talk to everyone and I was not sure I could handle that. As much as I loved and missed all of these people I was also hurt by most of them. After a short time I noticed we had stopped driving. I had been carried to what I assumed was a safe house. From the light in the room I could tell that one of the walls in the home was made of windows just like their other home. I knew no one, except for maybe Alice, knew how this would unfold. I was not sure of anything. I had so many thoughts, feelings, and questions running through me at the moment that even with my vampire mind I could not think clearly. I needed space. I needed to breathe without smelling his amazing scent. I needed to think without the constant hum of electricity that ran through my body. Before I knew I had made the decision I had ripped myself from our embrace and was looking out the window. I knew I had cringed at the pain from moving and heard a whimper that I instinctively knew was Edward. I had an overwhelming desire to protect him, more so than I had ever felt as a human. However I knew he was in no real danger and I needed to think clearly.

I had only taken a couple of breathes when I heard Esme address, who I assume was Edward "No, not yet son." I wondered how that made mom feel hearing someone else refer to her child as theirs. I worried for all of our parents and how this was effecting them. I worried for my small family and though I realized we may be merging into one large family, I was not ready to accept them back yet.

As I stood looking out the window I was able to see the beautiful secluded landscape we were in. The fields and sparse trees that dotted large fields to the back of the home. I could see in my peripheral vision that this was not the over luxurious Cullen home I had expected. It was done in woods and leathers. The furniture was oversized and inviting.

I wished for a moment with just my parents, to feel safe for a minute "We will give Bella and Mr. and Mrs. Masen a minute. Come on everyone lets go have a look around." Alice stated. Anger flared toward the pixie for not calling them my parents, followed quickly by a wave of sadness. "Edward you need to come too. They are not going anywhere." With soft whimpers and sobs I heard and felt rather than watched the room empty leaving mom, dad, and I.

Within seconds mom had me in her arms and dad followed just behind her holding both of us as he had done many times before. No one spoke for a couple of minutes each being left to our thoughts.

"Sorry, I am disrupting your reunion with Edward." I looked apologetically to my parents.

"Honey, we have eternity to reunite with him. Right now let's take care of you." Mom cooed.

"Don't get me wrong I would love to sit and make up for all our lost time but this is more important."

I wanted to argue with her but did not have it in me. "Bella, there is more at play than just reuniting a family." I looked to my father who was looking at me with a fond expression. "Bella, neither you nor him will be able to deal with anything else until this mate thing is resolved." I balked at my father. "Listen to me," He said in his stern voice. "I surmised long ago that you had a mate and you refused the idea. Of no fault of your own you have lived under a misapprehension that the one being you loved the most, did not love you in return. They are being honest when they say they missed you, I can feel it. Yet they had the benefit of knowing that they loved you. They had the knowledge that you loved them before they left and only the fear of your reaction when you were together again." Dad took a deep breath before he continued. "I still believe they are the foolish ones for leaving you behind and I am so sorry you lived with so much pain and self-doubt. I am angered at the damage to your self-esteem they inflicted. I however am grateful that we got you. I missed my son, but I am thankful that I got to know you for you. I got to love you as my daughter and not Edward's mate. He was my child of my human life you are my child of my second life and I love each of you for who you are."

He gave me a tight hug and I let myself be comforted by him realizing that I would have a place regardless of Edward and I. I wish I knew I could be certain of everything the way I was certain of this fact. Mom took my hand and lead me back to the couch and I inhaled deeply the remaining scent of Edward and let the brief comfort it offered wash over me and whimpered at the loss.

Waiting patiently mom began "Bella, I love you very much. I was drawn to you the moment you came into our lives. I obsessed about you being alone and the time you spent crying. When you were attacked I could not hold back my need to save you." I nodded to my mother with a sad smile. "With that said can you hear me out and not take offense or become defensive to what I am going to say?" Again mom waited for me to nod my acceptance. "Bella, I believe things happen for a reason. Call it destiny or fate or whatever you want. We had traveled this earth for close to a hundred years and never crossed paths with Edward. From what you have said you were very astute in your human life and yet you did not place the pieces together for close to a decade. I believe you were meant to bring us to him and them. I also think you needed time to learn you could be loved for you. Not for who you were with. God knows your human family did not help with your self-image either. "Mom waited for my acknowledgement but I could not give it at the time." I know I am still learning from this and I cannot be positive but I hope they are still learning, especially Edward. I feel exactly like father, I am glad I got to know you as my daughter and not Edward's mate. You are exactly what I asked for in both another child and a spouse I hoped for my son." Mom finished by holding me in a firm hug and held firm to my parents' convictions.

"Now that you know you have our blessing," dad began "remember what you have learned. Don't just give in. You were hurt terribly, worry about you, and take care of you. We will be here."

When I heard the distant whimper. I realized that even though we were given the appearance of privacy, in our current situation we really couldn't count on complete privacy.

"There are many people who would like the chance to speak to you. We will try to make sure you are not too over whelmed." mom said as she and dad raised themselves from the couch and headed to the door.

"Bella, you can take all the time you need. But I think when you are ready we should try to talk. You need answers to make sense of everything. The rest is just going to take time." Dad instructed. There was another whimper and I could not hide the one that escaped my lips at the sound of it.

"Honey, if you want we will wait but you need someone sweetheart. You need to not keep chasing all this around in your head." Mom offered her guidance.

I moved back to the window wondering what the future would hold. Knowing I would have to face everyone. Standing here was not solving anything and though I no longer felt the searing whole in my chest it had been replaced by a pull and fear. I began pacing the great room trying to clear my thoughts but it was no use. When I heard a whimper on the other side of the door my heart broke. I know I had been in pain but I hated that I was causing anyone pain. I had been willing to leave so he could have his parents. I would suffer with no one to make them happy.

"Remember Bella, you are worth it." I heard Jasper say through the door. Mirroring his words from our time in Phoenix.

I whimpered at the reminder and heard someone try to open the door.

"No son, no one will go in until she is ready." I heard Carlisle say, I believe stopping Edward.

"Mom" I whisper sobbed. Within a moment she had me in her arms. "I am scared." I continued into her neck.

"I know sweetheart." she consoled as she rubbed my back. "Are you ready to get some answers dear?"

I looked at her trying to convey with my eyes that I would not be able to do this. I needed her to do it. She gave me a swift nod and without words father ushered everyone into the room again. I avoided making eye contact with anyone. As mom began.

"Obviously this has been hard on everyone and there were brief answers given before but I think maybe we need to start over from the beginning." Mom said to the room. "Bella told us about meeting you while she was still human."

"That is correct, she met the children when she began school at Forks High." Carlisle added.

Father jumped in before anyone could continue. "I am sure Bella does not want to go over those memories now."

Carlisle only nodded. "Of course." I froze at the sound of Edwards whimper but I continued to avoid eye contact.

"You all claim to love her deeply but you left her." At dads words I whimpered into mom again. "I understand something happened but how could you leave her so vulnerable?" he let out a sigh, "If we had not come home when we did, she wouldn't be here."

"At the time I was convinced that our kind did not have souls." Edward whispered. "I didn't want that for her."

"So you left her with a vampire set on revenge coming for her?" Dad voice had risen an octave.

"Believe us, we did not know Victoria was going to come for her. I was watching. The werewolves block my visions, we tried as soon as we saw you running." Alice plead.

"You say you thought we have no soul." Mom asked Edward sadly. "What about now?"

Edward choked on a sob. "I know better now. I am so sorry."

Moms grip on me tightened as she heard the ragged sobs break from her son. I squeezed her hand and gestured for her to go to him. With a weak smile she left my side and gathered Edward to her. "Shhh, it can only get better from here." She said as she rubbed his back just as she had with me.

Not wanting anyone to take moms place I placed myself behind dad.

"You had been with her for some time before this happened and had been through quite a bit before you left." Dad stated before going into his line of questioning. "Why did you keep it going if you planned to leave her? What happened to make you leave then?"

"I would never have used her." Edward quietly seethed answering an unspoken question. "I had not planned on leaving you unless it was what was best for you." Edward addressed me directly.

I wanted to yell at him. I wanted to call him a liar. To ask him who he thought he was to make the decision on what was best for me, without talking to me. I settled on scoffing at his words. Still avoiding eye contact.

"Bella" Edward began but was quickly cut off.

"There is truth in his words, Bella." Dad said. When I glared at him he took my hands in his and continued. "Bella, I am not saying it was right. I am saying there is honesty in his words. You have done it before. Can you cover just me and use my gift Bella. Then at least you will know for yourself if what is being said is truthful. It does not mean you have to agree with it."

Looking into my father's eyes I concentrated and expanded my shield over the two of us. Once he was covered I gave him a small nod.

"So you did not want to take her soul from her, so you had planned to never change her." Dad asked and I already knew the answer to that question.

"At the time, yes that was true." Edward answered father and like I had known there was honesty ringing in his answer. "But I was not using her to fill my life. I would never do that." I could still feel his honesty but it did not make sense, I had only been a distraction.

After letting out a long breath dad moved to his next question. "So you never answered what happened to make you leave? Why then?"

All at once several people began talking.

"It was all my fault?" Alice whined.

As Jasper took the blame as well. "I was responsible for tearing the family apart."

"I made the decision that caused all the damage." Edward whispered.

"We should have stopped him." Carlisle said as he tried to soothe Esme.

Dad let out a humorless chuckle, "Obviously you all feel responsible and carry your own burden of guilt. You will each have to deal with that. I just want to know what happened."

"I told you about my birthday. Please don't." I moaned.

"But why then, you were so much worse with what James had done to you. Your birthday was nothing compared to that." He asked to the room. I grimaced as he copied my feelings from that time "What happened with Jasper-that was nothing, Edward! Nothing!"

"We, I realized we were the biggest danger. We kept you in constant danger being around you." Edward said while looking at the floor.

"If she was to stay human we could not be around her. We could not give her all the opportunities being human could give her." Rose quietly added.

"Did you, did all of you know you both were mates." Mom asked the room.

All of the Cullen's eyes were to the ground as they slowly nodded the affirmative. Not one of them was unsure. But Edward was the only answer that mattered.

I could feel Edward's eyes trying to connect with mine, "Yes. I knew you were my mate. I knew you were the one." My breath caught in my throat and I turned to look out the window. His words and the honesty behind them were powerful. Did he not want to be with me so badly that he would endure physical pain to avoid me?

Mom let out a low moan. "Oh Edward, what were you thinking? What were any of you thinking? We could hear how torn up Bella was as she cried herself to sleep." I let out a small whimper at mom's omission. "If she was that hurt how were you handling it? I would think you being able to read minds would have known you cannot be separated from your mate. What were you going to do?"

"I had contingency plans." Edward whispered.

Both mom and dad cocked their heads towards Edward, confusion clear on their face. Esme and Alice both whimpered and were being comforted by their mates.

As the memory overtook me I could not hold back my gasp. I had covered my face with my hands while in moments the memory played through my mind.

_"Will you cry?" Edward asked._

"Probably if I am paying attention."

"I won't distract you then." he said.

How could I have forgotten this so quickly? Only days be for he broke my heart he had told me he would not live without me.

"How stupid could I have been? How blind?" I mumbled. Dad's eyes turned to me.

"_I'll admit, I do sort of envy him here," Edward spoke._

"She's very pretty."

"I don't envy him the girl-just the ease of the suicide."

"What do you mean, this was something you had to think about once?"

"Last spring-when you were nearly killed. Of course I was trying to focus on finding you alive, but part of my mind was making contingency plans."

"Well, I wasn't going to live without you."

"You don't irritate the Volturi, not unless you want to die-or whatever it is we do."

He had never promised to not hurt himself, he had said it was a moot point. He lied. He loved me so much he would end his life so that I could have what he thought was best for me. He was watching out for me. He loved me, even if he was very confused. For a moment I relished in the feeling this new epiphany brought before suddenly I was furious.

Before I knew it I was seeing red and I was charging forward before anyone could stop me I landed both my hands on his chest pushing him backwards taking him away from mother and to the ground.

"How could you?" I screamed at him where I stood. "You played on all my insecurities. You made me feel worthless so that I would let you go." I seethed still landing blows to his chest as he righted himself. "I have lived thinking that I was not good enough. That I was a distraction. I believed you did not want me, that you did not love me." My nostrils flared as I felt the calming waves Jasper was using trying to calm me. "Don't you dare Jasper!" My eyes flashed to him. "In your last letter you said you did not know why I did not want you to find me." I returned my glare to Edward. "You want to know why I never used your names when I talked about you. If I had we would have come looking for you sooner. It hurt too much, you all left, no good-bye. I could have ended your parents suffering years ago, but do you think I wanted to look for someone who I believed did not want me. A family who abandoned me. Do you think I wanted to see you again when I had become the one thing you never wanted me to be." I was fuming and could not seem to stop myself. I knew I was hurting everyone but I needed to get this all out. "Then to find out I held the answer to every prayer they had never dared ask. I felt guilty for not figuring out sooner. I was prepared to find you for them and leave the only two people who never left me." I heard whimpers again but couldn't bring myself to care. "I was willing to become a nomad so they could be happy because I knew I could not stay with you and feel the way I have. I could not see you with your distractions."

"Bella," He whined. I was looking straight into his eyes this time and even though I was angry with him, his eyes were not the hard onyx of my memory but the vulnerable honey that I had fallen in love with. I could see the pain in his eyes, mixed with love and fear. "I was wrong. I am so sorry. There was never any distractions from you, from missing you, from loving you." he whispered. "Please."

As much as I wanted to take away his fear. I knew we would be okay but I was still angry. "How dare you decide what was best for me, for us, without talking to me." I said as I pounded on him more. "Do you think so little of me to think that I love you less than you love me?" He did not try to stop my repeated slaps to his chest but I saw a shift in his eyes and it took me a moment to realize that I had said 'I love you' not 'I loved you', he should have known that was the case, I never stopped. I dropped my eyes from his and in a much smaller voice continued, "You never planned to live without me. You were going to do it. You were going to Volterra." I ignored the gasps around me. "You said it was a moot point, but you were going to go. Even though I begged you. When?" I could feel my anger growing and I exploded. "When you thought I had moved on. When I died? When Edward, when were you going to tear your families hearts apart further. As soon as they would let you go."

"Edward," mother began solemnly.

"Mother let Bella handle it. She is doing just fine." Dad quieted her.

"When Edward?" I demanded.

"Bella, we were never going to let him." Emmett pleaded.

"Shut it Emmett, the fact that you knew his plans and let him leave is bad enough." I snarled. When Emmett moved to hide behind Rose I returned my attention to Edward. "What if you didn't know I was changed or that I survived and I had to roam this world without you?" I heard a sigh from most of the occupants of the room as I broke into sobs. "How could you do that to someone you love?"

"I was so wrong Bella. I was so convinced of things that I could not see any other options." Edward voice was the velvet I remembered. "I said those things thinking I would give you a clean break. I never wanted you to move on, the thought of you with someone else tore me apart. But in my misplaced sense of propriety I thought it was what I had to do. Bella I want you by my side forever but I thought I was a selfish soulless monster. Only you could be more important than what I wanted-what I needed. Bella it was all lies, everything I told you that day outside your father's house, all of it was lies." He moved a step closer and I allowed it. Part of me wanted his arms around me but I was not ready. "Bella, I have missed you, feared for you. I have nearly gone insane worrying about you. If you will let me, I will spend the rest of forever earning your forgiveness and proving to you how much I love you. Bella, please say you will give me a chance."

I let out the breath I did not realize I was holding during his confession. "I know you love me Edward." The smile that lit his face was beautiful, however when he went to embrace me I moved to the other side of the room in less than a second.

My heart yearned for his arms to hold me and it splintered at the sound of his whimpered "Bella." but I had to know.

"Why didn't you look for me?"

The room erupted then. "Bella, we did look for you." Alice exclaimed.

"We left immediately to look for you when Alice saw you run." Emmett proclaimed.

"Honey, we were not complete without you." Esme soothed. Carlisle nodded in agreement.

"Like I said Bella I have been insane with worry, I had not stopped looking for you." Edward joined in.

Jasper was the first one to move from his position. "You know they are being honest Bella but I can still feel your confusion." I nodded my reply. He began pacing. "Bella we were at a disadvantage when you had the head start. You were always smart. You found everything." He was rambling. "Then Bella you didn't go where you decided. You lost your vigilance. Then nothing, nothing at all, we knew you had been bit but we didn't know if you had survived." I could see his frame shaking as he quickened his pace.

"You know she couldn't see you, right?" Rosalie asked quietly. I was not sure what I was more surprised by. The idea Alice couldn't see me or Rosalie speaking to me directly. In all my muddy memories I was pretty sure this was the first time it had happened. "Bella, I owe you an apology." I wanted to stop her from apologizing for leaving I didn't want to hear it anymore. Plus of all of them I knew she did not like me and I never would have expected anything else. She silenced my rebuff with her hand. "Bella, please let me finish. I need to apologize for never giving you a chance. I need to apologize for being so closed off that I never accepted you as the member of our family that you truly were. I know no one else is going to say it" Jasper and Alice looked like they were going to stop her. I silenced them with a raise of my hand in their direction. Rose stepped closer taking my hands in hers. "We were miserable once we left you." There were several whimpers at her admission. "We had lived decades without you but once you had filled that place we didn't even know was empty before there was no going back. Bella there was never anyone who could have filled it." She took a deep steadying breath before leveling her eyes with mine. "Bella, I am sorry for your pain. I hope you will give me a chance to change that now."

I moved slowly gauging Rosalie's reaction to me. "A fresh start, Rosalie." I whispered as I hugged her for the first time. She stiffened for only a moment before returning the embrace.

"A fresh start, Bella and please call me Rose." she whispered. I only nodded my reply.

As she moved away I remembered there was another Cullen who did not do wrong by me and I needed to make sure he knew. "Thank you, Jasper." I whispered. When he arched his brow at me, I continued "You have helped me so much." I whimpered. "You left me the back pack. You made me your sister and provided a way for me to get out of Forks." I took in a deep breath. "The small gesture was a comfort to me."

He nodded, "Baby girl, it was the least I could do and I only wish I had done more. You are family, Bella. Though we did not do right by you. We have always loved you."

"Thank you." I mumbled again. As much as I wanted to believe them. Wanted to be a big happy family. There was too much pain and doubt to jump back in that easily.

"So back to looking for you. You disappeared, then we start getting glimpses about a year later. One here or there but nothing with detail. Nothing that told us where you are. You were so upset with me. I wanted to help Bella, I really did. I wanted to make amends for all the trouble I had caused, but we couldn't find you."

I had to stop Jasper, he could not keep blaming himself for everything. I placed myself in the way of his pacing forcing him to stop. "Jasper, please stop. First you cannot blame yourself." He started to roll his eyes. "Jasper it is not your fault that you had to fight not only your bloodlust but the bloodlust of six other vampires." His eyes were suddenly huge looking directly at me. "and I am confused. I don't understand what you are talking about. I was never upset with you Jasper."

"What did you just say Bella?" Carlisle asked.

"I am confused you have all inferred that there was something wrong with seeing me. I was never upset with Jasper." I reiterated to him.

"Not that Bella," Edward assisted. "What do you mean Jasper was dealing with more bloodlust?"

"He had to deal with everyone's feelings about my blood. Bloodlust is a feeling." Suddenly I realized why they were confused they had never thought of this. "You never realized this. Jasper has a harder time because he feels everyone's thirst. Just like you feel less in control when others are thinking of their previous hunts or their thirst." I answered looking at Edward.

Jasper took my hands in his, looking earnestly into my eyes. "Do you really think so, Bella?"

"Yes, Jasper I do."

"Oh Jasper, I always knew you were stronger than you give yourself credit for." Alice gushed.

"I wish there was I way we could know for sure." Jasper whispered.

I tightened my grip on his hands. "You can feel everyone's thirst right now." He nodded. I closed my eyes and expanded the shield that I had just had over dad and me to cover everyone except Jasper and Edward. I could not deal with anyone else's thoughts right now.

"I can't hear anyone but Jasper." Edward seemed startled. I placed my hand in the air to stop him while I tried to continue.

I concentrated on the new found shield from earlier. When I could see the new cloud I focused all my energy gritting my teeth from the strain. I moved it to cover first Dad who had moved closest to us. Then one by one I stretched the cloud to cover everyone but the two of them. I was not sure if he could feel the difference but if I spoke I knew it would break the cover. When I looked into his eyes again he was looking at me with awe. I wanted him to feel only his thirst and I forced the second shield to cover Edward without moving my first shield. The strain was too much and I knew I could not hold it long but apparently I had done it enough.

Jasper pulled me into an embrace and I collapsed into him. "Oh, Bella. Thank you. That was amazing." Like that I lost it.

"I don't know why we never thought about it." Edward answered an unspoken question. "Bella," he began but was cut off.

"Sweetheart, are you okay?" dad asked.

"Yes, it just takes a lot out of me. Remember what it was like when we tried to practice before." I exhaled.

He moved to place his hand on my back as Jasper still held onto me. "Thank you so much Bella. You have no idea what you have done. I have always thought I was weak but Bella I know better now."

I nodded to Jasper as I tried to focus on the feeling of brotherly love. I assumed it worked when his smile grew and he tightened his hold on me. Then I started dwelling on the confusion of them looking for me. "Come on Darlin, let's sit down and try to clear all this confusion of us looking for you and you hiding from us." I jerked back from him. "Bella you saw it that we did not look for you. See it from our side, we thought you did not want to be found." Again I nodded to Jasper and let him lead me to the couch.

Jasper sat next to me on one side with Alice beside him. Mom and Dad taking the other side. Carlisle, Esme, Emmett and Rosalie took the couch across from us and even though there were other chairs around the room Edward looked like the lost kid. Mom patted her knee and Edward quickly took a spot at her feet laying his head on her lap. The smile on moms face was so serine as she patted his hair like she had mine so many times before. There was a small smile on Edward's face and I could not help but return the smile at the vision of the two of them. When Edward noticed me I was gifted with my crooked grin and I heard as his breath caught in his chest.

"So Bella, where do you want to start?" Carlisle asked.

I looked around and decided to just jump in. "When did you come for me?"

"We wanted to several times but someone hadn't punished himself enough yet." Alice started and Edward grimaced. "But we took off immediately when we saw you return from one of my frequent blank spots and running in a panic headed to our house."

"Blank spots?" I questioned.

"I can't see the werewolves or anyone who is with them." Alice whined. "When you disappeared the first time we began making plans to return but I made the mistake of looking to the future and you were okay so someone decided to hold out." A groan escaped Edward's lips. "If someone had realized then that it was the wolves fault he would have been back so much sooner. You must have been spending a lot of time with them."

I kept my eyes fixed on my hands in my lap. "Yes, they were helping me deal with things."

"Dear, you needed someone. I am glad they were there for you." Esme added warmly.

"Bella, taunting vampires when you are human. Tsk. Tsk. You are one crazy tough chick." Emmett smiled at me and I returned it immediately.

"I had to keep Victoria away from the ones I loved." I told him. "I didn't leave from home until the next day. Where were you that you could not get to me by then?"

Rose let out a small chuckle, "We were living in Ithaca at the time."

"Really, did you know." I started.

"That you live there now." She nodded. "We had just figured it out and were headed there before the turn of events that brought us here."

"How did you figure out I was there, when you hadn't been able to figure it out before." I asked.

Before someone answered dad interrupted. "We are getting ahead of ourselves, jumping to the end of the story."

"Of course. Bella as you know I don't always get all the information in visions. I saw the ballet studio but it could have been any studio." I nodded for her to continue. "We knew you were headed to London and we were set to land there two hours after you. But something happened and you did not get on the connecting flight. The only clues we got were a 'take me to the ball field', then you ate at a McDonalds, stayed at the Days Inn, and went to a Walgreens. Can you guess how many towns that described?" She gave me a pointed look. "Then you move to a brown stone." Mom squeezed my hand at that point. "The only place you visit is a library and we know there is Lincoln in the name. Would you like to guess how many US libraries are named Lincoln?"

"Sorry, Alice." I mumbled.

"That wasn't the problem. You lost your vigilance." Jasper groaned. "When you went on the run. You were careful, calculated and then you lost your drive."

"Sorry." I mumbled. Mom was about to speak when I continued. "Can we not speak about how things were then? I don't want to think about it."

"We learned you were headed to the truck and we had made camp there while we were trying to figure out where you were." Carlisle said as he ran his hand over his face. "Then you just before the attack we figured out you were in Chicago." I could see Edward's fist tighten on mom's lap. "We were headed that way, when we saw Victoria."

I couldn't help it I reached over and covered Edward's straining hand with my own. As usual the familiar spark was there. His head jerked. I gave him a small smile and he opened his hand taking mine in his. "We weren't going to make it." Edward let out through clenched teeth. I rubbed my thumb over the back of his hand to try to soothe him. "Thank you so much for saving Bella. I have to be the luckiest person to have been given the gifts I have received."

Mom let out a sob. "I obviously had no idea the connections we would have with Bella, but I was already so drawn to her. I had wanted to go to her several times before but that night when we returned home." She stopped to take a deep breath. "We could not, not get involved. I knew I would make her my child and I would take care of her."

"Thank you." Edward, Esme, and I all muttered at the same time.

"Okay" Dad said in a more positive voice. "So you saw us start the change, then what happened."

"Nothing." Emmett said. "Really, Alice saw the final minutes of the change then you were gone Bella. We did not see you again for a year. You have no idea how scared, depressed, worried we were squirt."

"When did you see me again?" I asked.

"It was about a year later. You told me good-bye and told me to take care of Alice." Rose answered. "Then moments later you told Carlisle you had succeeded."

Mom gasped, "Bye Rose, take care of Alice. That was outside of the homeless shelter. I don't remember you saying anything else."

"I didn't, I thought it. I wanted you to know how much of an example you had been." I answered mom and smiled at Carlisle. "What was next?"

"Little one that would be you being upset with me?" Jasper answered.

"I was upset Jasper but never at you. I wanted answers and since only two people left stuff behind, you were the safest one to mentally picture." I said. He only nodded his understanding to me.

Esme gave me a warm smile, "Then you wanted to show me a house."

"The Oyer House." I said and she nodded.

"Then you told me you missed me but that you were okay. Bella, honey I missed you so much."

Carlisle had a grimace on his face. "Bella I am sorry I wasn't there when you needed help with your gift. Please know I am here now, whenever you need me."

"I know Carlisle. Thank you." I said.

"Then we finally came across actual memories of you." Edward let out a small chuckle. "This explains why I thought I should know the people with you Bella." Edward added.

"That's right you thought you should know the people with Bella at Jenks' office." Jasper contemplated.

Dad looked perplexed, "The attorney?"

"He has worked for us for years. He did the original paperwork for you Bella when you started hanging around out family." Jasper continued and filled in the missing pieces and I had been correct, nothing beats a scary Jasper.

"Then there was Garrett." Rose giggled. A small growl escaped Edward's lips at Rose's statement as his eyes burned into me. I giggled, thinking about what thoughts he may have heard from Garrett and his offers. Edward pouted at me.

"The nomad?" Dad asked, oblivious to the little interaction.

"Yes, well not anymore. He found his mate with one of our cousins in Alaska. You might like to know he is now also a vegetarian." I let out a small laugh at Carlisle's words. "He told us about another family that he had met with our peculiar diet. Iza, Beth, & Tony; So we had travelled back to Pennsylvania knowing it was most likely in vain, but not being able to pass up a lead."

"So how come you could not get enough detail from these later visions to find us?" Dad asked.

"I am not sure, I could only see certain details. It's like you control how much or what I see." Alice answered.

"Then Bella finally wanted to see her big brother. I will join you at lunch anytime little sister." Emmett winked at me.

It was then that it fell into place. Alice was only seeing things that I truly wanted, wished or fantasized. "Oh no." I mumbled as I covered my face with a couch pillow. If I could still blush I would have been flaming red at the moment.

The next thing I knew Edward was kneeling in front of me. He removed the pillow from in front of my face and took both my hands. "What is it love?"

"Alice was seeing my day dreams. My, my fantasies." I groaned.

"Love there is no need to be embarrassed. If she had bothered looking at mine they would have been the same ever since I left." He said softly as he rubbed his thumb across my cheek causing me to shiver.

"So how did you figure out we were in Ithaca?" Dad inquired.

"The ball." I whispered as I got up from the couch looking out at the night sky in Galveston. I felt Edward follow behind me.

"How would you have figured out from costumes and dancing that it was the Tri-Service Ball?" Dad asked again.

"I wanted to share it with them." I whispered. "I was reminded of prom and I wanted them to see everything."

"You were beautiful, love." Edward said as he hesitantly slipped his arms around my waist. No doubt waiting to see if I would move away from him.

Allowing us this moment, "Thank you." I mumbled as I let my head fall back onto his shoulder. He tightened his grip around me and I let out a soft purr when I felt his feather light kiss on the top of my head.

As I stood in Edwards embrace I felt a peace that I had never had in my second life. I knew that eventually everything would be perfect. I was holding strong to the epiphany I had earlier. How we would move forward now was the question and though I knew it would be difficult I knew what I wanted and what I needed. I also knew it would be difficult for some, but they owed it to me.

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><p>Please review…<p> 


	23. The Truth Will Set You Free

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight SM does, I just like playing there. All poetry is the property of the original author. The rest is mine.

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><p>AN:

So first things first. I would like to say SORRY. A big sorry for the delay in updating. I kind of shut down for a bit. My grandfather passed away and it really hit me hard. At a time in my life when I was I was strongly judged and given up on by my family, he never did. He never missed a phone call on my birthday or told me he was disappointed in me. He had a large family and was not perfect but he was pretty awesome. He was also a hero to our family and nation. That is the reason that instead of poem I normally felt went with the chapter, I included a poem about soldiers to honor my grandfather who fought in World War II.

So thank you, thank all of you for sticking with me to see this story to the end. This is not the final chapter but the story is coming to a close. I want them to work for it but I want a happy ending for our couple. Thank you for your wonderful reviews. Please let me know what you think.

I am also sorry for not responding to the last few chapters' reviews. Promise to do better this time.

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><p>"From this day to the ending of the world,<br>But we in it shall be remembered-  
>We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;<br>For he to-day that sheds his blood with me  
>Shall be my brother; be he ne'er so vile,<br>This day shall gentle his condition;  
>And gentlemen in England now-a-bed<br>Shall think themselves accurs'd they were not here,  
>And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks<br>That fought with us upon Saint Crispin's day."  
>― William Shakespeare, <em>Henry V<em>

Chapter 23: The Truth Will Set You Free

"Bella Dear," Mom addressed me. "What's troubling you? It's written all over your face."

I was so unsure of everyone's reaction and hated the attention on me. So I just shook my head.

Edward inhaled deeply running his nose along my neck. "What is it love?"

"Just thinking about what we will be doing next?" I mumbled.

Dad stood to address the room. "That is a good question. We are currently residing in Ithaca and you have been there only a decade ago." Carlisle nodded in the affirmative. "You would be unable to reestablish yourselves there this soon."

Mom let out a sigh. "Bella is that what is bothering you?" I still could not acknowledge why this was bothering me. "Bella, we will make it work. We can move again."

How do I tell them I don't want to move yet? I knew we wouldn't spend the time there we had originally planned but I would like to finally finish high school, to feel like that chapter of my life was really closed. I also realized that even though I know everyone was being honest I couldn't help the hurt and disappointment that washed over me.

"Darlin, you need to tell us what you need." Jasper said from his place next to mom on the couch. "What are you disappointed about?"

I sensed all eyes boring into me and heard multiple whimpers but the loudest being from Edward. "I am sorry love. I am sorry that I have disappointed you-" I stopped him from continuing by placing a finger to his mouth.

"Stupid emotion sensing vampire," I half-heartedly glared at Jasper and Emmett snickered. "I am not disappointed in you Edward." I began and he tried to argue around my hand pressed to his lips. "Okay, yes Edward you have done things that I am not happy and dare I say disappointed with but that is not what I was thinking."

I took a deep breath. "I hate that you all left me. I really do but looking at this room I do not feel any disappointment in the outcome." I left the safety of Edward's embrace and walked into the arms of my dad. "The first night I met mom, I was more than a little freaked out and saw highlights that looked like your hair, " I cast a glance at Edward. "And there was a musical quality to her voice that is sounded like she was trying to hide." I wistfully carried on.

"You noticed that?" Mom asked.

"Like I said I was a pretty observant human." I answered her and I saw all of my siblings and Edward nod. "But at the time I told myself that I was just being paranoid and projecting my imagination on innocent people. If I had really believed you were vampires I would not have stayed. Believe me I am so glad I stayed. You protected me when you barely knew me, then you showed me that I could be loved. You were patient with me when I couldn't open up and when you were teaching me my new life, I could not have asked for better." Mom had joined us in our embrace like we had so many times, "All that aside, you all have been around a long time and share the same particular diet which makes you an oddity in our world. You would think that you would have met or heard about one another. I got great parents who gave me a great life." I smiled at mom. "Then as if things can't get better, through all the pain we all get to be together. Eventually," I sighed, "We will be whole. So no I don't regret any of it." I declared. Dad strengthened our embrace.

"I am not and never could be disappointed in the outcome of my idiotic actions but I do regret leaving you Bella." Edward said as he came over to us.

Jasper just chuckled, "Nice speech, but you still did not explain why you felt disappointed."

Turning my head into my father chest. "I still haven't finished high school."

"Is that it little bit?" Emmett asked. "You know you have all of eternity to do that now, right?"

I rolled my eyes at him, then risked a glance at Edward. "I'm in school now." I mumbled into my dad's chest.

"Hmmm," Carlisle was the first to speak. "You want to finish where you are?" he asked. I only nodded my reply. "

I was not sure how to put into words what I was feeling so I chose to stay quiet. Yes I did want to finish high school where I was but I also wanted time to believe them not just with my dad's gift but with my heart. I wanted to give myself time to trust them again. Also I was not the same girl they left behind and they needed time to see that. Knowing they spoke the truth about looking for me and missing me did not erase the pain and I needed time. I am sure they saw my shoulders shake with the quiet sob I was trying to hold in.

"Bella!" Alice said as she bounced toward me. I stiffened as I prepared myself for impact. There was a time in my life that I would have ran to meet Alice's embrace and now I recoiled from it.

She had been my best friend and could see the future and did nothing to change it. That stupid paper cut had changed the course but she should have been able to see how things were once they left. She should have come back for me. She was her own person and did not have to follow Edward. That was one of my main issues with the lot of them. Alice should have said good bye. If she missed me so much why didn't they come for me before I had to run? The hurt she caused was almost as strong as that of Edward. I was pulled from my thoughts when Jasper gasped and he began rubbing his chest. I realized I was the cause of his problem and as much as I did not want him to hurt for this I would not squash my feelings, so I quickly sent him a wave of regret and sorrow. I hoped he would understand my apology in them, when I felt the fleeting feeling of understanding I knew he knew.

Alice stopped when she saw Jasper's predicament, looking from him to me. "It is strange to not be able to see this." She murmured. You could see the hurt in Alice's face from my actions. When Alice gasped, I realized they were probably having some kind of private conversation.

I moved away from my parents and from Edward to stare out the window. It was easier than looking at the sadness in their eyes. I waited for Alice to begin since she usually did. It was Jasper who finally broke the silence. "Alice, Darlin' You are scared because you are used to being able to see how any conversation will go and be able to take the one with the best results. That isn't an option anymore."

I heard the whimper from Alice at Jasper's words before he addressed me. "Bella, you have to know she never wanted to leave you. We realize we should not have left you but we were following Edward's wishes." Again there was a whimper from Edward followed by the sound of mom and Esme, shushing and cooing him. "Alice fought with him not to leave. She only relented when she could find no future where we did not return to you. She warned him that he would return and that the longer he waited the harder on the both of you it would be." Jasper let out a long sigh.

I turned to face my best friend and seeing her sob almost sent me to her, but I could not do it. She needed to be accountable. If she was sorry she needed to say it, not have everyone do it for her. She had only done it in the past because she knew it would get her the result she wanted. She had to do it not knowing the result.

"I am so sorry. I missed you so much." I nodded my understanding to her. "I never wanted to go. You are my sister and best friend." She continued. Finally I allowed her to hug me and there was no real conversation, just whispers and sobs of the pain we felt.

When Alice let go, Esme stood behind us. "Bella, honey. We have missed you so much." Esme sobbed. "I am so sorry."

"Bella, I hope you can forgive us for our foolishness." Carlisle said in a contrite voice as he joined her.

I slowly turned to view the two people I had thought of as parents. The pain in Esme's face made me want to comfort her, but I couldn't. I didn't have it in me to open my arms. I needed to be comforted. I needed to be reassured.

Esme gasped at seeing the hurt and pain on my face. "Bella" she whimpered, opening her arms to me but I would not go to her.

As resignation washed across her face and she lowered her arms Carlisle began to speak. "Bella, we are terribly sorry for the pain we have caused you. We have missed you like we have lost our own child because we see you that way." I wanted to snort or roll my eyes at his comment but I still held enough respect for their parental roles that I held it in. "But we did not treat you that way. For that I hope one day you will let us make it up to you. It is our mistake and we should not have allowed it to happen."

As hurt as their leaving had caused I had never blamed them and that they needed to know. As I began to speak Carlisle held up his hand asking me to let him to continue. "Bella, I know in your nature you would never see it this way but please let me explain." I nodded for him to continue. "It has always been our way to defer to the mate when someone is unable to address something themselves." I wanted to say I was never given the chance. "I know that you should have been able to address these issues yourself and that is part of why we carry this guilt. We viewed you being human as a frailty not fully capable of handling things we are. We also held to the belief that since you are Edward's mate it was ultimately his decision. However you were, are our child and he did not have the right to take you away from us." Again I heard a faint whimper. "By leaving we made you feel like our love was contingent on your relationship and it never was."

"Please say that someday you will let us back in." Esme whispered.

I could not hold back the sob that bubbled up my throat and as it broke free Esme had gathered me in her arms. This time I allowed her to comfort me. "Honey I am so sorry. I love you. I have missed you so much. I have worried about you. With Alice not being able to see you I could not check on you like I could the others. I have been so scared." Esme sobbed in return.

After sometime Carlisle joined Esme in the hug and I allowed this moment. "Please say that someday you will forgive us Bella?" Carlisle implored.

"I have forgiven you, but the hurt is still there and it is going to take time to repair the damage it has caused." I said wanting to be as honest as possible with them.

"We are so proud of who you have become Bella. I want you to know also that you have our blessing in whatever you want to do and that I too believe this happened for a reason."

I answered Carlisle with only a small nod before I thought to tell him about my success. "Carlisle, I have never had human blood. Thank you for your example."

"We knew you had done well, dear. The things we have seen are amazing." Esme gushed.

"Enough, hogging the little one." Emmett bellowed before we could get too deep in the hard stuff. He was over to me the next moment pulling me from the others. "Hey, baby girl." He stated as he spun me in the air. "Sorry for not being the big brother and friend I should have been." He said with the most heartbreaking expression and it almost broke my resolve to ask for time just seeing it so out of place on this teddy bear but if it was ever going to work I needed it. Rose joined him and again I shared a small hug with her, no words needed to be expressed.

Finally Jasper crossed the room to me and even though I barely knew him before, I felt the closest to him. He had helped me over and over. Even his simple words of you 'you are worth it' had meant the world to me. So no words were exchanged and he opened his arms to me, I walked into his embrace and he enveloped us in a sense of peace. I sent him a wave of gratitude but did not move from his arms.

I needed someone to understand how I felt and that I needed time. I mumbled "At first," and I focused on how I felt when they left. He only nodded and then he let me feel a the families heartbreak for that time, then with a pointed look at my foolish mate he let me feel him and he had to support me as the pain washed over me. I could sense that people moved to assist but Jasper just shook his head to keep them away. The two of us entered into a conversation based souly on emotions. I would show him the different emotions that I felt as my existence progressed to this point and he in turn showed me the families and Edward's emotions ending with the joy of finding me. I let him feel my joy but also the under lining fear and hesitancy. He tried to show me through emotions that my fears were unfounded but he also showed me that he understood.

"You need time. We will do whatever it takes." I could not hold back the wave of happiness that washed over me and he projected our mutual feelings to everyone. Giving me a firm hug he then pulled away as I found myself once again in Edward's arms.

I loooked up into Edward's eyes and though he had a small smile on his face there was still sadness in his eyes. I cupped his cheek in my palm and quirked a brow at him. "I know you need this but I don't know if I can be away from you again."

I heard the small whimper from my mother and it was then that I realized how selfish my request was. "I am sorry. I am being so selfish. I will go where ever, Emmett is right I have time to finish school."

"I think you have made enough sacrifices Bella and you were willing to give so much more. We will do what you need." Dad said with a similar expression to the one written on Edward's face.

"Wait," Esme spoke up with a fond expression on her face. "Edward was too distraught when we were in Ithaca. It would be safe for him to return with you." She turned to my mother. "You need time to reconnect. You as his parents and them as mates." Trying very hard to seem okay with everything and making a mothers sacrafice she turned to the rest of the family. "We will stay in another home as close by as possible. It will give us a chance to reconnect." She said as cheerfully as possible.

I left Edward to hug Esme in thanks for her understanding and sacrifice. My mother joined us in quiet thanks of her own. "You can all stay at the Oyer home. It is close enough to see each other daily if we would like. There is a hospital in nearby Altoona for Carlisle." Mom offered. I knew she was getting very excited about the future. She got her son, she got to have female friends, and she got to see me happy, with her son none the less. Her joy was palpable without Jasper's help.

Dad clapped his hands together before he spoke. "Great, if it works for everyone. I think we should stay here for a couple of days. Do you need to take care of anything at your current residence, Carlisle?" he asked.

"No," Carlisle looked a little sheepish. "We have basically been mopping in our home in Alaska for some time. We were not... We had trouble..." he took in a raged breath, it was so unlike him. He turned to me, "We were miserable. I had made them settle once while we could not find you. It was impossible for Edward and horrid for the rest of us. I think we would have become nomads had we not found you. I am sorry I let everyone down." He looked down cast. Esme moved to comfort her mate before he spoke again. "We are ready to do whatever it takes."

"Then it's settled. We will help you move into the Oyer House," dad motioned to the couple. Then turned to Edward with a smirk on his face. "And you will move in with us and register as Masen from Chicago."

Edward had a confused look on his face as he turned to question his father. I was embarrassed I would have to explain everything. I was sure if I was human the redness in my face would match that of my car.

Emmett let out a loud guffaw at my obvious discomfort. Locking eyes with Jasper I nodded my head in the giant buffoons direction. Then suddenly Emmett was trying to hide his face behind Rose. I let out a small giggle as did Rose and Jasper started to pull back his power. "Very funny you two." He grumbled. I just shrugged.

"Well I guess it would be odd if Bella's boyfriend and dad had the same name, but why Masen?" Edward quirked his brow at dad and with his corresponding nod in my direction, Edward tried to look into my eyes.

I tried to turn from Edward's gaze but quickly found myself in his arms again. How was I going to explain this to him? That was when I heard mom actually giggle. "That would be Bella's boyfriend" she got out between the girlie sounds I had never heard come from her. I could also feel the growl building in Edward's chest before mom cut him off as well. "Don't get mad as hops, it's you dear." she continued giggling.

I was mortified and mom was acting like a school girl. Edward was looking between the two of us trying to make since of what mom said. I was embarrassed when I mentioned my fantasies before but for them to find out the extent of them I was feeling humiliated.

"Aww Bella, it can't be that bad." Jasper said. Then promptly sent me a wave of calm and trust.

"Not going to work." I mumbled back to him. It wasn't that I did not trust them, I was just embarrassed.

"Come now, if it wasn't for your 'pretend boyfriend' we would not be here right now, if you think about it." Dad commented. "If you had not told the kids at school about Masen and I had not suggested you dance with Mike." cue Edward's growling again.

Rose let out a little giggle herself, "What is it with you and boys named Mike? I swear Edward was going to kill Newton?" I let out my giggle at the reminder bringing a muddy memory into focus.

Dad gave Edward a patronizing glance that quieted him down. I had buried my face into his chest and allowed dad to continue with his story knowing I was not going to get through the night without everyone knowing. "So as I was saying, this little tall tale of Bella's was what brought us to Texas looking for clues to bring us to our son. Like I said before Bella never gave too much detail about the other vampires she knew and we weren't forth coming about details of our previous lives either. We did not suspect anything until last Christmas when Bella seemed anxious to get home from our holiday but she assured us there was no one."

"That was when you disappeared for two weeks, after we had gotten used to seeing you every day." Alice said. But I did not respond I was not going to explain myself to everyone.

When I felt another wave of trust wash over me, I mumbled. "Still not going to work."

"Shortly after our return we received the invite to the ball and a very stubborn someone insisted that they did not want to go, however as another very stubborn person once learned. That doesn't usually work." At that I chanced a look at dad who was giving Edward a very familiar look. "However it was not until the night of the ball that we figured the rest of the details out. Bella had kept to herself for most of the evening until I made the mistake of encouraging someone to ask her to dance. When he referred to her boyfriend she asked us to go along with it. Still persistent that it would be fine, we encouraged anyway. Now don't get me wrong I was not trying to be a match maker but we knew how Bella could keep to herself. Imagine our surprise when speaking to this young man he says our last name, that we never used around Bella. Also the boyfriend is also from the last place we used said last name. When the punk continued to harass my daughter I broke in and took over the dance only stating we would talk about the rest later."

Mom stood to join father and continued with our story. "Once we were home we began to question Bella where she came up with the specifics for her little white lie. After she had said it that Masen was one of your names, we mused that it was shocking because that had been our last name in our human lives and we were from Chicago. As we watched Bella you could actually watch as everything came into place." Mom's eyes kind of glassed over and she raised her hand to her mouth either for me or the memory of when her life was so altered. In a much quieter voice she continued. "The emotions and the guilt at that moment were very hard for her. She ran to her room and we were not sure entirely what was going on and chased after her. She pulled the old photograph of our family out and to say we were surprised would have been the understatement of our very long lives."

"So you stole my photo?" Edward chuckled trying to get me to look into his eyes.

"Sorry," I mumbled. "I knew it was important to you. I shouldn't have taken it."

"It's okay I stole the last copy of Wurthering Heights you were reading." I giggled when I looked up at him, just shaking my head.

"Oh that means you must have our tea cup as well." Mom was actually relieved.

"No I saw it in the apartment, makes since why it reminded me of afternoon teas, but I left it." Edward answered mom.

Mom looked upset but before she could say anything, Alice cut in. "Actually, I have your cup." She continued even though there were a couple of gasps and both Edward and Esme tried to say something. "I am sorry but Edward had been so distant for so long and when he reacted to it the way he did, he told me not to take it but I wanted to see him like that again." Mom whimpered but offered Alice a small thank you.

"We must have drove Bella crazy asking so many questions while we formulated a plan and started heading this way." Dad chuckled.

"That was when you begged me not to draw the search out and we changed course from heading to Ithaca and coming here." Alice finished.

When I chanced a look at Edward he looked completely mollified and his trademark smug smirk was firmly in place. "Well Miss Bella, Masen will be very happy to move in with my girlfriend's family. I have been away from her so long and it has been terribly painful to be separated. I am sure I can convince your parents to keep me around." He laughed, it was a wonderful sound. "I only hope this Mike takes a hint better than the last one. Your mine." He finished in a purr.

The room erupted into awe's and other celebratory noises and although I knew we would be okay eventually I was not ready to respond in turn to his little comment but I basked in it.

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><p>Hope you enjoyed the chapter. Please let me know what you think.<p> 


	24. Awkward

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight SM does, I just like playing there. All poetry is the property of the original author. The rest is mine.

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><p>AN:

So, I am back. Sorry for falling off the radar. I won't go into too much detail but real life was kicking my butt and left me in my own head. I had most of the last three chapters done but was just not in a place to look at them with a critical eye or put them out there for the world.

This Chapter will feel like filler but I like it. I didn't want them to just go back to the way they were or ride off into the sunset. Like most things in life you have to work for it.

I will be posting the next chapter tomorrow followed quickly with the epilogue. I am happy with where my story took me but I am still trying to make the epilogue all I want it to be.

_**When you feel like quitting:  
>Think about why you started.<strong>_

_Author Unknown_

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><p>Chapter 24: Awkward<p>

BPOV

It was going to take everyone a few days to complete the move. Being that the Cullen's had been in the region so recently they would all need new documents. The first couple of days after our family meeting were awkward. Everyone walked on egg shells around me and handled me with baby gloves. I really felt like I was in the way of everything but most importantly I was in the way of dad and mom reconnecting with Edward. Conversations were stilted and tensions were high. Everything was awkward. I was making everything awkward. I just needed to step away from everything, I needed to breath.

"I am going hunting." I called from the door just after twilight had fallen.

Before I could make it off the porch. "Bella, wait I will go with you." Edward replied as he appeared next to me and intertwined our hands. He was shortly followed by most everyone in the house, with varying offers of company.

Taking a deep breath, I asserted myself. "No, thank you really but I would like to go alone." Jasper nodded and turned to go in the house, followed quickly by Rosalie and Esme.

Both mom and Edward speaking over each other.

"Is everything okay dear?" mom voiced her concern.

"Love?" Edward whimpered.

I caressed his cheek but moved the hand he was holding and placed it in mothers. "Everything is fine, why don't you spend time together without me tagging along. I won't be too long, I promise." I smiled at both of them. Reluctantly they both turned and went back into the house.

Leaving me with only Emmett and Alice, both had eager looks on their faces but I truly wanted a moment to myself. I wanted to think and feel and not have it questioned. I wanted everyone to relax without worrying. I wanted a moment to not worry. I shook my head sadly at the two and offered the best I could. "Maybe next time." Both turned with sad looks in their eyes and returned to the house.

Knowing I had to get to the mainland I took my car and head west on the forty. Once there I parked my car in the small area of Harbor Walk and headed into the swamp wetlands of the Gulf Bayou. In order to clear my head I turned myself over to the hunt, letting instinct guide me. Like the last hunt there were several wild hogs and they tasted great since they are primarily carnivorous, bonus they were a huge issue for local ranchers and were fair game for anyone, no need to worry about judicious hunting practices. However on the last one of the evening I had apparently interrupted an alligator who did not take kindly to me taking his meal and lunged at me. It startled me since all other animals instinctively shied from us. However this was just what I needed. The animals' teeth and claws did nothing to my skin but decimated my clothing but its strength could actually role a vampire. This was the first time I had faced off against anything that could move me other than my own kind. Really getting into the rush this gave me I let the battle go on until the animal tried to escape as exhaustion overtook it, at that time I drained it and made my way back to a dry patch to just think.

I was hoping that with me being gone that mom and dad would spend time reconnecting with Edward. I was hoping that the Cullen's could see I could take care of myself. No more need to protect and shelter me. I was hoping the both sets of parents and Edward would see I was no longer emotionally fragile. I understood I had not come to complete terms with everything that had happened and I still had issues from abandonment and self-esteem but I also understood that I was not going to let it control the rest of my existence, none of it. My earlier epiphany was still holding strong and I wasn't going to doubt it, I wish they wouldn't either.

I had sat for a couple of hours just thinking and focusing on happy memories knowing I would need to get back to the car before any humans would be about and be home before the sun was up. Texas was not like the north and there were few overcast days. I ran with complete abandon back to the car enjoying the speed and letting myself be immersed in the freedom of it. In the past there had always been bittersweet reminders when I ran but now I was able to relish in the experience. I was returning to the ranch in a much better state of mind than when I left. If people continued to coddle me, I would have to find more times to venture out by myself.

I pulled up to the house and could hear a lot of different activities going on and the sudden panic struck that maybe I was the one making it awful for everyone and just maybe I did need to leave. The thought of leaving mom and dad had been unbearable but just imagining leaving my mate was crippling. I had to fix this. I approached the house and for the first time not everyone jumped up to surround me however as soon as Edward looked up from the piano and gasped at my appearance. Within seconds I was again surrounded by everyone.

"Love, what happened?" Edward asked frantically, while running his hands over me looking for any injury. It was at the same time everyone else asked a variation of the same question. Jasper was instantly on alert and was not reigning it in at all, looking for the threat.

A small giggle escaped my lips at everyone's reactions. "There is nothing funny about this." Dad reprimanded. "What happened? Who did you encounter?"

I looked down and tried to remove some of the patches of mud that had dried on my skin and clothes before I looked up, first making eye contact with my mate, hoping he would see in my eyes that I was fine. I looked to my father trying to convey a similar message before I looked at my big brother and blurted out "Have you every wrestled an angry alligator?" Everyone's expressions were priceless but reliving the exciting fight had me rambling. Emmett was a captive audience. "I know you have gone for irritable grizzly before but this was so much better. Their teeth and claws obviously cannot touch us but the strength that surprised me. They actually have the power to roll us and to knock us down, add the mud and water and it was really a challenge. And I thought because they were reptiles they would taste bad, but really they are carnivorous and they really like wild hogs, which are good by themselves but the alligator was so good." It was a good thing we really did not need to breathe because I am sure I would have hyperventilated at the speed I started to retell the epic fight move for move.

"I can't believe I missed it. You promised next time I get to go. Before we leave you and I are going hunting got it baby girl." Emmett asked and I eagerly nodded.

"Why don't you go get cleaned up Bella?" Rosalie offered. "I'll braid your hair for you when you're done if you would like?"

I gave her a quick thank you and caught the sight of Edward from the corner of my eye. Drawn to him I cupped his cheek and leaned into him to pull his amazing sent into my lungs. My mind centering itself with the comfort only a mate could give. He repeated the action to me and then shewed me away to get cleaned up.

When I returned downstairs, it was a little odd that I was not immediately bombarded by someone asking if I was okay or if I needed anything. I looked around and the boys were in the family room playing on a gaming console. Alice was going through a fashion magazine and appeared to be making changes and adjustments to designs where she saw fit. Dad and Carlisle were both in the study reading while mom and Esme discussed changes to the Oyer home that they thought might be needed to accommodate the additional couples. Edward was being quiet as he sat in the music conservatory. As I accessed the situation Rose approached me and asked if I indeed would like her to do my hair. I accepted the offer and we situated ourselves with her in an oversized chair and me sitting on the floor in front of her. We did not speak much once she asked how I would like my hair braided and that gave me time to think. Everyone was acting different and not in a bad way. Really, they were all behaving as I had hoped they would. I would be surprised if they had all had the same epiphany to our situation but I dared not say anything in fear of ruining the progress.

Once Rosalie was done she asked if I would like a manicure and after the fight I had with my food I did really need one so I agreed if she would allow me to give her one in return. She quickly agreed and as we gathered the items we would need Alice quietly asked if she could join us in the first sign of awkwardness since I returned. Without hesitation we accepted and the awkwardness again dissipated. Jasper sent me a wave of contentment and I in turn sent him both my peace and curiosity to which he shrugged with a small smirk on his face and sent me a small dose of assurance and that was good enough for me. I trusted Jasper and knew he would help me through this just like he promised. I sent him my gratitude and brotherly love.

When we had completed our manicures and then the pedicures we decided we needed I excused myself from them and no fuss was made. Each person seeking out their mate. Edward was reading in the conservatory and I gathered a book to join him. I would be content just in his presence. As I was situating myself on one of the couches I noticed him getting out of his seat and I hoped he was not going to leave the room.

I was very pleased when he approached me and with sincere adoration in his eyes and asked if he could join me. I gladly accepted and we quickly cuddled together with me sitting across his legs and only slightly turned so we could each read our books. Shortly after I felt him start to play with my hair as he read. Then he leaned over and scented my hair then placed a feather light kiss to the crown of my head. I smiled and turned and scented him as well placing a gentle peck to his chest. A short time later, Edward had set his book down and we were enjoying the complete works of Walt Whitman that I had brought in together. I closed my eyes and listened to his velvety voice recite a selection he had picked and without realizing it I was purring. He stopped reading at that point and when I looked at him he had a brilliant smile. He leaned down and nuzzled my neck and I mirrored the action. I felt his answering purr. The book forgotten just gentle words and caresses shared between us. I was not sure what happened while I was gone but whatever it was, I was grateful, I was happy, I felt loved, and most of all I felt secure.

I was sure Jasper must have been projecting because Edward placed a gentle kiss to my temple and whispered. "Me too."

JPOV

While Bella was out...

I could feel Bella's frustration as she was deciding to leave but could not help myself but to offer to accompany her on her hunt. As soon as she had refused stated her intent I turned back, knowing we had to do something. I noticed that Rosalie and Esme had followed me. Rose was feeling understanding and Esme, resignation. It was then that I noticed that neither Carlisle nor Mr. Masen had tried to go and both were experiencing similar feelings of concern. I knew we needed to discuss this and listened for Bella to be out of earshot.

However Carlisle beat me to it. As soon as we could no longer hear the car he spoke. "We need to talk."

Mr. Masen nodded his head and everyone gathered in the family room. Everyone found a seat except for the father figures and myself. "Everyone feels on edge am I right?" Mr. Masen asked me and then looked at each person. I could only nod. "I am sure you are also all now feeling concerned because Bella left on her own?" Again he paused to make sure his assumptions are right. "We need to do something before we push her away." There was a whimper from Edward and he looked as if he was going to bolt for the door. "She will be back Edward." His father reassured him and I nodded my agreement as well.

Carlisle took over next. "We are all very concerned for Bella. Several of us feel guilty for things we cannot change. As much as we want to make amends and make sure she knows we care, we are making her feel awkward. Isn't that right Jasper?"

I nodded my agreement before I answered. "When Bella left she felt uncomfortable. She felt guilty. She also was starting to feel resignation. With Bella that has always meant one thing in the past. She is deciding to do something that she is not completely okay with or happy about but she feels it is best for others around her. With Bella's personality I have felt this before. This path is not set but we need to do something."

"What do we do?" Alice and Emmett both whined.

"What has Bella always hated most of all?" Carlisle quipped.

"To be the center of attention." Edward practically snorted. "We are trying too hard and by doing that we are making her the center of attention. We are so scared to lose what we just got that we are over compensating and not acting natural." He shook his head and I could tell he was blaming himself for not seeing it sooner.

Apparently momma Masen could still read her son very well too because she responded before I could. "You couldn't have known Edward and Bella has a very hard time talking about what she feels and what she is thinking. Believe me I have the two most stubborn children on this earth, when it comes to that."

There were several giggles before Esme spoke. "What is important now is what we are going to do about it."

"How do we act normal? We don't know what normal for us is yet." Alice remarked.

"Think about what you hope it will be." Carlisle offered. "Not right now but in a few months. How would you envision our lives together with Bella?"

I had to smirk at the spike in Edward's emotions that he could not contain. He only looked off into the distance when he noticed that I had caught his desire. The poor boy would be red if it were possible.

"She hates not being treated like she can care for herself. From what Bella remembers, it sounded like she was used to taking care of people." At momma Masen's statement there was a muttering of 'everyone' before she continued. "She does not want to be babied. I am just as guilty as all of you. She wants to feel loved. She wants to feel included." She gave Edward a pointed look. "She needs to feel equal."

Edward only nodded but then with his next breath I could feel the shift in him he was determined to make her happy. To be the man she needed. I felt a large dose of awareness that Carlisle had developed long ago to get my attention. He looked to me then glanced to Alice. I took a deep breath resigned that I would need to talk to her about her relationship with Bella.

"Save your breath Jazz." My little darlin rolled her eyes at me. "I know. I know. I can't be pushy Bella isn't good with it yet. My actions hurt her and she has changed. I have to build a new friendship with her, but it will come in time. And before you ask Emmett no Bella is not showing me anything. I knew what Carlisle, Mr. Masen, and Jasper were going to say. I also believe that they are correct. I just might need reminding every once and a while."

"Well I believe we were given the assignment to 'spend time together' dear." Momma Masen stated. Everyone giggled and light chatter began it did not take long before we had broken into our own activities and everyone seemed less tense. I was glad Bella asserted herself and left for a bit. This had helped all of us. We were going to make this better for her, for all of us. Edward sent me a wave of determination and appreciation. With a nod I replied with a dose of understanding and my own determination.

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><p>Hey thanks for sticking with me. Let me know what you think. Please review.<p> 


	25. Finally

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight SM does, I just like playing there. All poetry is the property of the original author. The rest is mine.

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><p>AN:

Thank you for those of you who have come back so far and read the new additions. Thank you also for your reviews. As it was so honestly put, I was not in my groove for the previous chapter. I hope this one is more in line with what you have come to expect. Please let me know what you think I am still working on the epilogue, I want to make it truly worthy of the story but I do not see more chapters in the future.

I have had other ideas for stories since I began this one but promised myself I would not begin them until I completed this story. I am hoping that I will move on with my writing. Before I lost my groove this was great creative outlet and stress relief for me and I am hoping it will be again. My next release will most likely be a Bella/Jacob story and I hope that many of you will return for that as well.

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><p>The tree that never had to fight<br>For sun and sky and air and light,  
>But stood out in the open plain<br>And always got its share of rain,  
>Never became a forest king<br>But lived and died a scrubby thing.

The man who never had to toil  
>To gain and farm his patch of soil,<br>Who never had to win his share  
>Of sun and sky and light and air,<br>Never became a manly man  
>But lived and died as he began.<p>

Good timber does not grow with ease:  
>The stronger wind, the stronger trees;<br>The further sky, the greater length;  
>The more the storm, the more the strength.<br>By sun and cold, by rain and snow,  
>In trees and men good timbers grow.<p>

Where thickest lies the forest growth,  
>We find the patriarchs of both.<br>And they hold counsel with the stars  
>Whose broken branches show the scars<br>Of many winds and much of strife.  
>This is the common law of life.<p>

_Good Timber by Douglas Malloch_

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><p>Chapter 25: Finally<p>

Our week in Texas had drawn to a close. We were heading home with the addition of Edward. He had already been registered in high school and would start on Monday. The Cullen's would be making a detour to Alaska and then settling into the Oyer house a week later. All of the new documentation had been completed and Masen McCarty was moving with me to Ithaca and Carlisle, Esme, Emmett, and Alice McCarty were moving to Pennsylvania along with Jasper and Rosalie Whitlock.

I was currently driving us back to Ithaca in my Charger, much to Edward's vexation. He loved to drive and had always been the driver with me and his siblings. Dad only chuckled at him when he failed to dazzle me into letting him at my baby. It really was not just that I loved to drive but I also welcomed the distraction.

Edward would begin school with me on Monday and to all the other students we were madly in love and in truth we were but there was still distance between us. In the last week we had cuddled and I was used to being in near constant physical contact with Edward. Even now we held hands between us on the front seat. We were drawn to be near each other. However the few times Edward had attempted to kiss me other than on my temple or the crown of my head I had turned from him and now he was not trying at all. It wasn't that I did not want Edward but each time he tried to get closer my instinct to protect my heart was stronger. My heart could only take so much and if he left again I would not survive it.

The other issue I was stressing over was that I had yet to tell Edward about the classes I was auditing at the college campus across town. In truth I had not decided what I was going to do about them either, at least that is what I keep telling myself. Again I wanted to be with Edward but I was afraid to let my world revolve around him as it had before when it almost destroyed me.

Mom and dad had kept up a near constant conversation as I drove. Allowing me to remain inside my head. When we were only a couple hours away from home Edward decided to finally call me out on my silence. "Are you going to tell me what is bothering you or do I have to wait until the moment is upon us?" he asked poking me in the side.

I nearly jumped from the contact, which was very unusual for a vampire. "Nothing is wrong Edward." I responded too quickly, earning myself a quirked eyebrow raise from Edward and a giggle from mother. I let out a sigh, "Fine, I was just thinking about my schedule when we get home."

"You know you don't have to keep up your classes." Dad offered.

Edward was confused since that was the reason he thought for us to split the family up, so I could finish high school. He looked back and forth between our parents and I with his brow knitted together.

"Edward, I also take a couple of college computer classes in the evenings." I clarified for him. "I was learning coding and other skills to help with covering our tracks."

Edward's face relaxed instantly. "Emmett can help with that now. He has his latest degree from MIT. Just let him know what you need and he can take care of it."

Dad only shuck his head and smirked knowing what was coming. "I am sure he can Edward, but I am learning it for me. Maybe I want to know how to take care of myself." I ranted. "Maybe I don't want to depend on others, on your family to take care of me, look where that got me last time." The words were out before I could stop myself. I heard both my parents gasp at the same time I heard the audible clench of Edwards's teeth. "Oh Edward," I cried as he turned to look out the other window and removed his hand from mine. "I'm so sorry. Edward,"

"Later, Bella." was his short reply.

The rest of our ride was in silence. My heart aching more each mile that passed. What if my stubbornness pushed him away? I began worrying my bottom lip. I did want to be independent and feel capable of taking care of myself, but I wanted to be loved. I wanted to be his mate, his Bella. When I thought I could take no more, Edward reached over and took my hand offering me a gentle squeeze in comfort. I could only offer him a teary small smile.

As I pulled onto our drive mom broke the silence offering to show Edward the home and his room. Of course he accepted indulgently. As I brought the car to a stop, I gave Edward's hand another squeeze and bolted from the car. Barely hearing dad telling him to give me time as I took off into the forest behind the pond. I pounced on the first heard of deer I came to. I snapped the neck of one and bit into another allowing the rest to flee. After draining both kills and disposing of the carcasses I made my way back to the pond at a slow human pace.

I was not sure how long I had been there when he approached, "Absolutely beautiful. It was amazing in Alice's vision, but seeing you here, there are no words."

"Edward, I am sorry for my-" I tried to express my apologies again as I turned to look at him. He silenced me with a finger to my lips.

"It's okay Bella, it was not completely uncalled for. I know I have to prove myself to you and I am willing to put in the work. I am sorry for my reaction." It was my turn to cut him off.

"Don't apologize. I said something in the heat of the moment, whether it is true or not I should talk to you about it and not attack you with it." Edward stepped close to me and I reached out for his hand needing the connection to him.

He took my hands in his, with the connection I felt more at peace then I had since we started driving. "Bella, I did not mean to say you could not or should not take those classes. I only meant to offer the services, however I should not have pulled away from you." At that I let him pull me into his embrace. "In the past I made the mistake of thinking since I have been on this earth so much longer, I knew better, but Bella you and I are in this together and we have the same experience in relationships. I don't want to take you or your feelings for granted." I sighed and cuddled into his chest. As he took a deep breath, I froze waiting for the letdown that I associated with that action. "I grew up in a time when personal problems were kept behind closed doors. Especially between couples. I love you Bella. I want -, I will work until we are -, until we are married. That you are so sure of my commitment that you agree to be my wife." I could not hold it in and sobbed into his chest. Lifting my face and rubbing the apples of my cheeks he gave me a gentle smile. "Please don't cry at the mention of marriage."

A small chuckle escaped as I cupped Edward's hands in mine and nuzzled into his palm. "Edward, I would not cry anything but happy tears at the idea of marrying you," with the way his face lit up I hated to continue my sentence but I had to. "Perhaps when we are ready. In another life had you asked, the answer no matter my feelings for you would have been emphatically, No. But I have had the chance to learn what true love is. To learn to be loved for me and loved unconditionally. I know now that marriage is something to cherish, to take care of, and honor. It is more than a piece of paper or legal binding. It is all the things you believe it to be. So one day when we are ready, I will become your wife." Edward tried to pull me to him again and when I turned my face from him again I could see the devastation on his face. He tried to pull his hands from mine but I needed him to hear me before that happened. "Edward, please don't be upset. I just need to say something. I understand why you got upset about my outburst in front of mom and dad in the car. I want us to have a relationship between us. Of course we can go to others for advice and help. I want us to be our own couple too. I don't want others always stepping in. That includes Alice." Giving him a pointed look. "I know you two are close and I know she was my best friend but this is just us. No asking how things are going to turn out and that means shutting her down when she will try to get involved." I finished looking him in the eye so he understood how serious I was.

Lowering his head until our foreheads were touching and looking each other in the eyes. "Just us." He let go in a breath that threatened to drive me mad with his scent. I stiffened when it was followed by a groan. "Bella, I want to do something now. I need to do something. I cannot wait and I surely don't want it to be in response to some adolescence's thoughts. Please don't push me away again, Bella." I could hear the whimper in his voice and I felt bad for pushing him away but we were finally alone and finally ready. I licked my lips in nervous anticipation and that must have been signal enough for him because the next moment his lips had crashed onto mine.

This was nothing like our previous kisses. My lips did not mold to his, we molded to each other. The fiery ice I was used to had been replaced by a blazing electricity. As in the past I found myself attacking him. My hands finding purchase in the bronze silky locks. I could not get close enough to him. I only barely registered that he froze in place right before he must have realized that I was no longer the breakable human he had kissed before. It was my turn to freeze when I felt his tongue reach out and trace my bottom lip. When I did not react or open to him he gave my lip a nip as he trailed kisses and nips down my chin. As it finally registered that I no longer needed to be wary of his teeth as I was no longer the venom susceptible human I jerked his head back to my mouth by his hair earning a pleasurable hiss. When our tongues met for the first time and I could taste him, the rest of the world fell away. There was only us and it was always meant to be this way. I let my arms flow down his back as I felt his arms that had previously cupped my face, now traveled down my shoulders. One continuing across my shoulders and to my neck moving my head to deepen the kiss. The other traveling further to the small of my back pressing his body to mine. I could not hold the moan that escaped me. I had moved my hands to the front of his chest and could feel it rise and fall with each ragged breath we took. I had moved to the top button of his shirt when there was a very loud clearing of the throat from the back of the house. We abruptly pulled away from our embrace. With a quick look in the direction of the house, we could tell that we were again left alone. The small disruption giving us a chance to collect ourselves.

"Wow." Edward breathed.

"Yeah" I chuckled. Everything with Edward had always felt intense but this was at an astronomical level.

"Bella, I," I waited for the apology I knew would fall from his lips. Deep down I knew it was due to what his Victorian standards deemed inappropriate but I did not want him to be sorry for being with me like that. He took in a ragged breath, "Bella, I know I should apologize for my actions but I don't have it in me to say sorry for something that felt so right. I hope you feel the same and understand."

I nodded as I moved to cuddle into Edward's chest. This did feel right and I did not want to second guess this connection. I did not want either of us to question 'us'. We stood out by the pond in quiet for several minutes when Edward started humming my lullaby. I tried to hold in the sob that escaped my chest as he recreated my fantasy and reminded me of how much I had always meant to him in that single gesture. When he felt the sob he stopped but I pressed him to continue, letting him know that they were happy tears. When he finished we shared another intense yet all too short kiss.

We only had one more day before Masen would start school and there was a tension in the air that I could not explain but we all felt it. After several uncomfortable hours' mom and dad sat us both down and explained the mating pull that both of us would feel now that we had truly accepted the mating. We also had to endure the equivalent of a sex talk for a vampire, being told what to expect after we finally gave in. They were clear that, they both would understand if it happened before we were officially married. When we tried to baulk at the assumption we were quickly reminded that first they had vampire hearing and knew it would be happening but also that they raised both of us and knew the kind of people we were. If it were possible we would have both been blushing. As we understood what was happening the pressure seemed to ease.

The rest of the day we had spent in the parlor talking and after a quick hunt we returned to listen to Edward play the piano. Unbeknownst to anyone during our last week in Texas father had ordered a grand piano and had it delivered. It was definitely a treat to mother for her to be able to see the talent he had become. It was a muddy memory that became vibrant again as I watched my love caress the keys again moving seamlessly from one piece to another. In the early hours we separated to prepare for the week.

The following morning mother walked proudly into school to complete the registration for Masen McCarty. We had already been able to complete most of the process online. Emmett had also had time to alter the schools system and given us nearly identical schedules. Going to school with Edward was both a blessing and curse. I could show off my Masen and we were was obviously in love. He was not a made up story but I now had reason to hate these girls.

I tensed and only barely silenced the growl that was still vibrating in my chest, after over hearing a very lewd explanation of activities involving my mate but saw red when I heard said mate chuckle. I turned my glare on him knowing my eyes were turning black.

He nuzzled my neck, not letting me pull away from his embrace before he could whisper in my ear. "Now you know why I wanted to kill Newton all those years ago. Imagine having their mental image to go with it."

I cringed at the thought of what that vile child had put my mate through. I only hoped that would not be the case here. The rest of the day went smoothly with both of us having to endure the youth of the school. The only real bump in the road was biology and Mike Williams. "So Marie, who's the new guy. Decided you couldn't wait for Masen after all?" he snidely chuckled.

I went to answer him but Edward cut me off. "Actually, I am Masen." He answered smoothly extending his hand. "You must be one of my lovely Marie's friends, nice to meet you." Mike just looked at the hand and turned back to me.

"How convenient, his family moved here so you can be together." Mike asked with a raised eyebrow.

Once again Edward tried to step in but I had learned to handle my own problems and even though it was his instinct to protect he needed to see I could take care of myself. "Actually, Mike. Masen is staying with us. His parents are moving again and we did not wanted to be parted any more. Since our families are so close and we have so much extra space, my parents gladly took him in. He is like the son they always wanted." I gushed and did not even try to hide my giggle. Edward was nice enough to try to muffle his laugh but it was poorly disguised. Mike let out a huff and stormed away.

Following the instance with Mike, Edward and I settled into a routine at school and most of the time we just laughed at the rumors and speculations. There were the few times that the desire to kill the ignorant youth at the school was almost to much as we watched the other be hit on or fantasized about. Knowing my fragile self-esteem, Edward was always very affectionate and complimentary. At times it would get to be too much and I would have to make him reign it in.

The college classes that had led to our spat on the drive home only lasted a couple of weeks. I stubbornly went and each day my resentment for being away from my mate grew. Edward was giving me my space and not following me and in turn enjoying the extra time with his parents. Each day I was jealous of their free time together. Before in my pain I had to keep myself busy and distracted. The unfortunate result of my jealousy was another blow up at Edward. First because I wouldn't have felt like I needed the classes if I had had the family with me and secondly, it was his fault I had to keep myself busy all the time so I couldn't think about him.

I had just pulled up to the house to drop Edward off and switch out my school bags. In frustration I had slammed the car door, narrowly avoiding damaging my baby. I then stomped off to my room and the knob to my door fared worse than my car. I knew Edward was following me and he had even turned mother away when she had come after us. As I destroyed my backpack in an attempt to gather my things. I tensed as I felt Edward place his hands on my shoulders and called my name.

"Move Edward, I have to go." I snapped.

He moved so he was pressed behind me letting his hands fall down my arms to my hands. "Talk to me, my Isabella." he breathed into my ear.

I jerked away, "I have class, Edward. I have somewhere to be. All the time, Edward. Something to keep me busy, something to occupy my mind, so I don't have to think about." I abruptly shut my mouth and blindly reached for the books on my desk.

"I'm sorry Bella," Edward stated guiltily. That I expected. It was one of the reasons I keep everything to myself. I tried to move past him, maybe I would just go for a drive. However, I was surprised when he locked his arms around my chest and upper arms.

"Let me go!" I shrieked.

"No Bella, you and I need to talk." he growled at me. He freaking growled at me. I tried to push him away, which was when I felt his closed teeth on my neck. "No Bella. We are going to talk." He again growled.

It was then that both mother and father appeared at the door to my room. "Edward, what are you doing?" mother gasped.

"You need to let her go Edward." Dad said sternly. I was sure at that moment he would do what he was told and I would have to apologize for putting him in that situation. It would be an understatement to say that I was floored by what followed.

"No!" Edward yelled, before replacing his mouth to my neck. "My mate," he hissed. "Mine." he said as I felt a small nip at my neck. I shivered at the contact and not out of fear. At that moment I, we needed to be alone.

Father I thought was trying to be the rational one, interfered again. "Edward, let Bella go. You can talk with her when you have both calmed down." Edward only growled more. Even though it was instinctual, I was surprised when I was the next one to let loose a feral growl when father spoke again. "Edward, I will take Bella away until you can regain yourself." No way was he taking me away from my mate.

"Mine." became the reverberated mutual growl as we both stood facing our parents with me pinned to Edward's chest.

Father placed mother behind him and instructed her to look down, and they both backed out of the room and our line of sight without ever turning their backs on us. It took several minutes for our growling and breathing to return to normal. I thought that as I had calmed and it appeared that Edward had too, that I would be able to put some distance between us and talk. Something I should have done before now.

However as I tried to move, Edward tightened his grip once more before turning me so that we were chest to chest. His mouth back at my neck. I heard him mutter "Mine," over and over but he did not start growling again. As he repeated it, I felt him running his nose along my neck and up into my hair. I felt as he began running his hands up and down my back as he held me in place. I felt another nip as he moved to the other side of my neck. The need made me weak and dizzy but through my fog I could hear Edward's declaration growing more intense.

I moved to expose more of my neck to my mate and muttered the only thing that I could think clearly. "Yours." It was enough to get Edward to pull back but not enough for him to release me. He searched my eyes. I repeated again "Yours."

He continued to look intensely at me. I felt almost exposed at his leering. When he spoke "Mine!" again. It was in a growl that could only be defined as sexy. Then he kissed me with a fiery passion that soon blazed in me as well and we could not get enough of each other.

I was still upset and the hurt and anger poured out between our passion. As I pulled away as he trailed kisses to my neck, I whimpered "You left me."

"I know and I am so sorry, Love." He cooed between kisses on the column of my neck. "I will spend every day earning your forgiveness and trust."

"It hurt every day, Edward." I sobbed as I nuzzled my head against his shoulder.

"It was the stupidest thing I have done in my existence. I missed you every day. My heart felt like it had been torn from chest. I couldn't fully breathe without you. I loathed myself for leaving you." He murmured as he pulled my head to his chest resting his head on the top of mine.

Absentmindedly I played with the buttons on his shirt as I whined. "I had to stay busy all the time. I had to have something to do. If I sat still all I could think about was you and it hurt. My mind had to remain busy Edward." My whining turned into sobbing before I broke down completely into a blubbering mess. "I don't want to be busy anymore Edward. But I'm scared and, and you let me go to school every day and, and what if I am around more and you get sick of me again and." I was cut off when Edward grabbed the sides of my face forcing me to look at him.

"Bella I was never sick of you. I love you. You were never a distraction. You are the most important thing in my world. I was an idiot and I thought I was saving you and your soul from my world. I was cruel in what I said to you, thinking it would make it easier for you to let me go and I will be sorry forever for what I said to you." He adamantly stated. Running the pads of his thumbs over the apple of my cheek never breaking eye contact he solemnly continued. "Bella, if I had my way about it, I would take you away today and make you my wife, I would take you," he purred as he leered at me. "As my mate. I know we are still healing, but I never want to be away from you. I go mad waiting for you to return each day. I only force myself not to follow you because I don't want to mess up any more than I have and now you would be able to detect when I followed you unlike in Forks. I am never leaving Bella, never. You are stuck with me. If you leave I will follow. I won't be without you. I love you Bella, and I want you." He said as he ground against me. "At the first sign of weakness I will make you my wife." He continued as he kissed my cheek and moved down my neck, suckling at the spot behind my ear. "Marry me, Bella." he breathed.

I wasn't sure he meant for me to hear or if he knew what he was saying but I wanted this man. There was never going to be another and I was tired of waiting. I needed this part of our relationship to finish healing. "Yes, Edward. I love you."

He drew back so quickly his eyes searching mine. "Yes. You said yes. Do you mean it?" he whispered.

I could only nod as my eyes filled with venom tears before his mouth crashed to mine. We were ravenous for one another pushing our boundaries further than ever before. We had turned ourselves over to instinct, only a text message from a classmate wondering where I was, stopping us long enough to remember ourselves and our mutual desire to be married first. We had excused ourselves to clean up and met in the living room to cuddle on the couch. I had emailed the college and let them know I would need to withdraw from my classes. Edward had also called and asked mother and father as well as Carlisle and Esme to meet us at the house this evening. We would share the happy news with both sets of parents at the same time.

Before they arrived we received a text from a very upset Alice because they were not invited. This felt like something for parents first. He reply also made me realize that I had not done any additional bonding with the Cullen's since our return and I needed to rectify that situation. I was still hurt and it was too much to deal with my conflicting feelings for Edward, and to think about my relationships with the rest of them. The only one I wanted to speak to Jasper but then I would have to deal the others. I needed to forgive all of them but it could wait just a little longer. We asked she keep everyone else out of hearing range and give us time with the parents, I told her I wanted them to stay away until they received a text with the all clear. I had another reason for this as well and I couldn't tell Edward or I would have to block him all night. Alice often got excited and stole the thunder when people wanted to share big news and that I would not accept. I also wanted to make it very clear with Alice that planning my wedding was something that I going to do with my mother. Elizabeth would have relished the opportunity in her time to plan her child's wedding and I would not take that away from her. This was one more thing I could give her for all the love she has shown me over the years. I know my hyper pixie of a friend would take control and put together a beautiful ceremony but this is what I wanted.

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><p>Thank you again. Please review and let me know what you think.<p> 


	26. Ever After

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight SM does, I just like playing there. All poetry is the property of the original author. The rest is mine. A/N:**

Here it is the final chapter. Thank you all for sticking with me. Sorry it took so long to finish. I had been prepared to complete the story after I posted the last chapter but I actually broke my arm and could not type with the cast I had. It was a big adjustment, it was the first major bone I have ever broke. Since very few people know I read fanfiction let alone write it and as you may know I am unbeta'ed so I did not have anyone to step in and help me finish.

I would like to really thank all those it who have or will read this story and stayed with it till the end. I appreciate the reviews and encouragement I received.

I have several other ideas for stories and I will be posting a new one. I am hoping to have more of the final project completed when I start posting. The next will be a Bella/Jacob story. The first chapter should be out in a few weeks. I originally did this project for a special person for encouragement and as a promise for them completing a goal. Through this I have reawakened a creative bug that had been buried deep. This might not always be my first priority as real life family/work/school/friends has to come first but I will be around. Thanks again.

_Once upon a time, _

_I became yours, _

_& you became mine._

_And we'll stay Together,_

_Through both the tears & the laughter…_

_Because that's what they call, _

_Happily Ever After._

By Unknown

Chapter 26: Ever After

The entire family had been very happy for us when we announced we were getting married and by the time Alice had received our all clear and got to the house she had resigned herself and meekly offered her assistance. By the time the evening was over we had set the wedding date for the first Friday after graduation. Mother and I went to work on a Victorian themed wedding. I had selected red, black, and white as my colors, with lots of ivy, creating a very sophisticated look. The ceremony and reception itself would be very small, consisting of the family, the Denali's, and of course our friend Garrett.

The first meeting with Garrett and Edward after our reunion had been quite tense, at least the revolutionary was respectful of my mate and had found his. I was very happy for him. Edward still felt the need to make his claim known. I had been thinking he was over reacting until I met Tanya who was not as respectful.

I had slowly rebuilt my relationships with the remaining members of my extended family. It was actually quite helpful to have them around as Edward and I were having a difficult time waiting for our wedding and it was nicer to have another couple to tag along with, than to always feel as though we needed chaperons. This resulted in several group dates away from the cities we lived in. Due to the long runs we were able to talk and reconnect. Rose and Jasper had been the easiest to build relationships with. Partially due to the lack of relationship and because they both understood my emotional scars and knew I had to work through them. They understood that I could not just let things go. Emmett was hard at first because not only did he just want to pick up where we left off but the teasing he had always done, took on another meaning when he was gone and hearing it again made me feel insignificant. Alice's normal obsession with fashion and makeovers had a similar effect at reinforcing 'I'm not good enough'. I really had to thank my fiancé for knowing when to jump in and for talking with them when he knew I would have rather just removed myself from those relationships. In the past I would have hurt in silence. Now with the self-esteem and love I had learned to trust in, in the decade since my human life ended, I would have removed the toxic people in my life.

Though graduation had been what I was holding out for by the time it came it was only the quiet ending to a long chapter. Edward and I had both graduated obviously and it was a wonderful moment. I finally got to say it was done. Mom and dad both had tears in their eyes as they watched us. Even though it wasn't the first time Edward had graduated it was the first time they had seen it. Waiting for graduation had given me the time to heal and move forward with a free heart. After nearly a decade I could finally let that part go. We celebrated with a family hunt and then moved right into full swing wedding preparations.

Edward and I had purchased beautiful white gold wedding rings, with Edwardian crafted filigree patterned bands, mine surrounding a round cut diamond. Edward had originally planned to give me his mother's ring and he would wear his fathers that he had held on to for so long. However he knew the two should have them. When Edward finally gave me my engagement ring he planned an amazing night out at the symphony with our parents and when we returned home had asked everyone to follow him out to the pond. When we reached the back of the house you could see a beautiful new ornate bench surrounded by rose bushes and candles overlooking the back of the property. Obviously it had meant something to his parents as they both gasped. Apparently his father had built one similar to this in his childhood back yard that they would use to sit and watch over him. After he directed them to have a seat he placed a blanket at their feet and helped me take a seat next to him.

Taking my left hand in his he began. "Even though I ran from you Isabella when we first met I knew you were my forever. I had already imagined you in a beautiful white dress and I could spend all night outlining all the errors I made between then and now that have kept me from experiencing that one joy that I dreamed so much about, but I won't." We all chuckled quietly. He pushed a strand of hair behind my ear before continuing. "I love you so much Bella and I have so much to be thankful for. One of the greatest being you agreeing to be my wife. I hope you will also agree to wear this as a symbol of our promises and my love for you." He had brought out a beautiful black satin box that had my engagement ring.

I whimpered out a quiet "Yes." as I gazed at the beautiful ring. I could not hold in the sob as he placed the ring on my finger and only barely acknowledged the sobs of our mother and father as Edward placed a chaste parent acceptable kiss on my lips.

After we had all collected ourselves Edward pulled out another black box and addressed all of us. "When I had first envisioned proposing to you my love I had pictured a different wedding set that I would use, I had set it aside and not looked at in in more than half a century until you walked into my life. Then I looked at it often. I envisioned the set on our entwined hands millions of times. However it was not meant to be. It's time I return them to their rightful owners." With that said he placed the box in his father's hand. I had never seen these rings that he talked about but from the looks on our parents' faces and the little speech I was sure it had been their rings.

Both of our parents gasped as our father opened the box, letting out a strangled, "Oh Edward." Father embraced his son. Whispering "Thank you." Edward took my hand so we could give them privacy. We had only taken a couple of steps before father spoke again. "Please stay." He said as he stood from the bench then turned to mother getting down on one knee. "Beth, I have loved you since I met you. Even though some of those human memories are cloudy I still remember you. I remember being nervous when I began courting you. I remember when I first placed this ring on your hand. I remember the tough years when you often felt like I cared for my work more than you. Which never was the case I only wanted to give you everything you ever deserved." At least I knew my Edward came by it naturally. I thought as I looked at my smirking fiancé. "I remember wishing I could take on your pain as our son was brought into this world. I remember wishing the same thing when I brought you into this second part of our life. I would have never imagined all those years ago how all our pain and suffering would be rewarded but much like my son I know I am the luckiest man alive. I ask that you would once again wear this ring as a symbol of my love for you, my love for our family, and my promise to always cherish all that we have been given."

Mother let out a huge sob as she enthusiastically nodded her head. Her hands were shaky as she plucked fathers ring from the box and sobbed through her attempt to recite the same promises.

Following the mutual declarations and the celebratory hugs and kisses father and mother returned to the main home to continue their celebrations. Edward and I remained at our spot by the pond enjoying each other's company.

When the day finally arrived I dressed in an ivory gown with a hug shoulder neckline, with lace over lay, and a corset fitted bodice with an organza ruffled skirt that flowed into the train that stretched behind at least five feet. Father would be walking me down the aisle. Carlisle who was in fact a licensed minister would perform the ceremony for us. Edward had asked Jasper to stand as his best man for having always had his back and for taking care of me. Even though Alice and I were rebuilding our relationship, I asked Rose to stand as my Matron of honor. She and I had become sisters and she understood the scars from my emotional past, much like hers, you can move on but they are still there.

The ceremony was over quickly, but with vampire memory, we could recall each detail as often as we wanted. Once we had completed the customary traditions and mingled for a moderate amount of time, we were off. I thought we would be heading to one of the Cullen's multiple extravagant homes but to my surprise while my mother and I were planning the perfect wedding. Father and Edward had had a little project of their own, with of the help of Esme. On a piece of land not far from the family cottage Edward had one built just for the two of us. I was shocked by the wedding present but he stated he wanted a place that was only ours, our own escape from the world. Designed with only us in mind and small enough to never have guests. It had a wonderful living room with a large couch we could both fit on with a fire place and television. There was the customary unused kitchen. It had two rooms, the smaller of the two had been turned into a library that already housed a number of books with plenty of room to grow. The last being our room with a beautiful antique looking wrought iron bed in black. The bedspread was in the same red we had used at our wedding, carrying over the sophistication with white roses on ever surface.

We had stayed in our cottage for several months finally enjoying being husband and wife. When we were finally sated Edward made good on a promise he had made to a very human Bella. When we left our home he took me to see the world. Many times the family or at least part of it tagged along. He had taken me to see England and Ireland first then we slowly crept across the globe for several years until it was time to settle again.

Eternity had turned out pretty good. As the years moved on our families had had several configurations but we were almost always together. The Cullen's were never the scandalous group they had been in the past. Shortly after the Cullen family moved to a new town another new family, the Masen's would move in. The children of each family would always fall deeply in love and the parents became fast friends.

It had taken a long time and a lot more pain than I thought necessary but there was a lot of learning and growing done. As time passes our love for one another only gets stronger and forever never looked so good.

****I hope you have enjoyed this story. Please let me know what you think and remember I will have my Jacob/Bella story up shortly. I hope you will join me for that journey as well.


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